To remove/not remove my child's fingers

[24digits]

My DS was born earlier this year. He's absolutely perfect and is a healthy, happy little baby. He was born with an extra digit on each hand and foot so has 12 fingers and 12 toes. His fingers are perfectly formed with joints and nails. His toes, although they look a little more unusual, are also perfectly formed but do make his feet wider.

Upon leaving hospital we were given follow up appointments with a plastic surgeon to discuss our future options, except when we got there it seemed less like a question and answer session, but more like a discussion on when we will surgically remove DS's extra digits. We left, making it clear we hadn't yet made a decision, but we're told that it was better for DS to have any operation before age 2.

DH and I are completely torn on whether we put our perfectly healthy little boy through two painful operations to remove extra digits. Please can you give me your most honest, unvarnished opinions on what you would do because I really need to feel like we have considered everything before we make a decision.

At the moment we are considering letting DS have the operation to remove his toes so that he will be able to wear shoes, but everyone seems to be certain that my DS will be bullied if his extra fingers aren't removed. Am I subjecting my DS to a life of bullying if we don't go ahead with the operation?

I realise that I come very late to this discussion but I wanted to just say that if it was me I would not remove the extra digits.

DS2 has also got a very obvious physical characteristic that is uncommon but could be a sign of genetic abnormality (in his case it isn't but it could be IYSWIM). I would not in a million years consider altering it mainly because in his case it is a major sensory organ, but I know in my heart that if he had extra digits I would have refused to remove them.

DS is five now and the only comments he ever gets are from adults who really should know better .

I disagree with those saying that the final finger looks like the "proper" little finger, not least because polydactyly involving a middle digit is the rarest type. You are being swayed by the size of the last finger, and assuming it is the "true" little one.

OP, if he hasn't been X-rayed yet, the extent of any reconstruction will be impossible to determine. The relative width of his palm suggests (to my eyes) that he doesn't have a complete polydactyly involving the entire metacarpal. If you put your finger on the back of his hand below the final finger, can you trace an extra metacarpal down to his wrist? If his fingers tense backwards, can you see an extra tendon from this digit? (Sorry if my desire for clinical/scientific knowledge is too personal or wierd for you )

I pretty much agree with those saying they wouldn't remove healthy functioning fingers. However I don't think it is just a simple as saying they can choose to have the operation when older.

I would imagine that for someone who has grown up using six functioning fingers, having one removed would feel a lot like someone who has five having one removed. Ie removing a part of your body that you actually use. It would be a very difficult decision to make and to recover from. Its a very different situation to a non functioning digit.

I would get them taken off , I know no one wants their child to have surgery if it can be avoided but I feel it would be easier for him if it's done know when he is too young to understand the stress and upset of having surgery. He will want them removed when he is older, it wouldn't bother me what other people/children might think as he grows up but it will be quite obvious to him that he has extra fingers and toes, even more so when he starts school and is taught the art of counting using his fingers.

ArcheryAnn this is not cosmetic surgery. Your race cannot be and should not be regarded as a physical deformity that may impact on your ability to properly use your hands, body, or brains.

Newrule we are talking about cosmetic surgery - unless I've missed it, the OP hasn't posted anything that might imply her son's extra digits would impact on his ability to properly use his hands, body or brain. And they aren't deformed - they are just additional.

I would have them removed, shoes especially would be very very difficult to buy for

I would do it. Horrible decision to make but I would imagine he would resent you if he ended up getting bullied and he realised you'd passed up the chance to change it :(

wanttosqueezeyou Well, I’m not an expert, but I remember reading that children with Down’s syndrome (used to?) sometimes be subjected to plastic surgery to "normalise" their facial appearance. Some parents opt for surgery to "correct" their baby‘s protruding ears, don’t they? (I was also thinking of gender reassignment to "help" intersex children fit in socially, though I know that is completely different). Others have mentioned circumcision, which is a good comparison. I’m sure there are others. Laser surgery to treat birthmarks?

Thank you for the picture op did you have any luck making contact with another family you can speak to?

It isn't obvious on the pic which one is the extra. My dd had an X-ray at a day old so I'm sure they will be able to do that so you can make a better informed decision.

Another thought was are there any advantages to waiting as surgical techniques develop. Eg a few years ago keyhole surgery unheard of.

This thread has upset me as a mum of a child with an obvious disability because of the numerous posts saying of course he will be bullied. It isn't what my dd experiences but who knows what the future holds. She could have a child of some of the posters on here as a classmate or work colleague.

All those saying oh I'd chop it off without a second thought clearly haven't been in the situation. Weighing up pros and cons is clearly something sensible to do. I'd echo take time - especially as a sleep deprived new mum.

Since most of the "remove it" suggestions have focussed on bullying, shall we all ask our kids when they get home from school whether:

a) they'd tease a kid for having extra fingers, or collude with others who were teasing someone with extra fingers;

b) they'd want to keep extra fingers if they were born with them?

I've already asked mine b) and (as I mentioned upthread) his answer was "hell yes, keep them, it's cool", and I will ask him, a) when he is home.

The doctors recommended they be removed and not just for cosmetic reasons as far as I can see. Moreover, this is very different from lightening your skin, or straightening your nose or hair, etc.

I understand that we wish the world was a certain way but it is not. Should we be advising based on how we think things ought to be or how we know they are?

The DC may not suffer bullying but with 12 fingers the probably increases. He may or may not also be teased for other things. Who knows? But quite factually, the odds do increase.

All I can advise is that the OP, together with the doctors, and considering possible physical impediments and possible emotional impacts do what they as parents think is in the best interest of the child. They should weight up any perceived advantages including their moral stance (it would be difficult for them to go against some moral view that they hold on the matter).

I might be unreasonable but I'm one for keeping records. I'd take photographs every so often especially before surgery if that's the route you choose to go down.

If the surgery is when your DC is very young, he'd be interested in his own history.

Toes, yes. I'd wait before making a decision about the fingers. Some famous people had this: Halle Berry had an eleventh toe but it was removed only a few years ago. Martina Sharapove has 12 toes even now.

Speaking as someone who is a bit freaky, it can make dating and picking a life partner much easier and a whole lot more interesting.

I have rtft yesterday and mulled over the question. What a hard decision you are confronted with, OP!

Regarding the extra toes, I would definitely have those removed. Footwear of different types is worn almost all of the time. If every time he needs special footwear, this will be difficult and could prevent him from taking part in many normal activities. It is not just the option to wear a wide pair of trainers, but what about skiing? What if his school has ice skating on its curriculum? (DS's did.) If you decide not to remove the toes, he would have quite a few restrictions on which activites he can do for the rest of his life.

Regarding the extra fingers, I would be tempted to leave them if they really are fully-functional. Things have changed and are changing further regarding how "different" people are perceived and treated, so I wouldn't worry about bullying, etc. However, whichever decision you make, you may have to face your grown DS in 5, 10, 15 or 20 years asking you to justify that decision. Some 15 years ago I made a medical decision (a much smaller one than you are facing) regarding my DS and a recommended treatment, and he continues to ask me why I did that.

The way I would look at it is that if you decide to remove the extra fingers, he and everyone else is not going to ask you to justify why you did it. For the surgeon, the question was "when" and not "whether". However, if you decide to keep them, you would be continually explaining why you made that decision, the pros and cons of it, and perhaps questioning whether it was the right one.

I suspect that if you do decide to remove them, you will have a sense of completion. The decision will have been taken, the operation will be done and that would be the end of discussions and doubts. So having written this post, if it were me, I think although I would be tempted to keep the extra fingers, I probably would not.

Meanwhile, enjoy the extra digits and do take some plaster of paris hand and footprints so that you can show him when he is older.

Re bullying. I have a daughter who has got no physical problems. She got bullied at school. I don't think it is true that children just get bullied for being different, it is more to do with their personality. One of my sons did require surgery as a child for a problem that affected how he looked, although he was small for his age no one ever bullied him, and no one ever would as he was overendowed with self confidence. He actually ended up in trouble as a 4 year old as all the other boys were pretending to have a problem as they wanted the same op as him. What a trend setter he was.

Should your son have the operation? I don't know what the answer is for you all I can say is it would seem like a great thing for a pianist to have 2 extra functioning fingers, my kids often wished for an extra finger or hand when they were learning piano! Seniourly I don't know what the advantages or disadvantages are, one of my sons needed his school shoes specially made for him as he had such wide feet and he only had the 5 toes, no one suggested trimming his feet!

Good luck with your decision, having been the mum with a child needing surgery I know what a hard decision you have to make. I hope it all works out for the best.

OP I've just seen the photo you posted at 13.27 and it is lovely. If that were my child, I'd keep him as he is. There's nothing wrong with those fingers. Toes though ....

I think you should go with your heart. Dont feel guilty whatever decision you make. There is no right or wrong answer.

Children get bullied for all sorts of reasons one of which is being different. As in the case of the OP, you can increase or decrease the probability of bring bullied for being different. That does not mean people are not bullied for all sorts of reasons or even that the DC is guaranteed to be bullied. Just that the odds increase.

OP can always take the chance and find out how her DC would be treated. If it turns out he is unhappy for whatever reason, including bullying, then he can gave them removed in life. Otherwise, the OP might decide she would rather not take the chance.

No one here k ows what would happen for certain if he goes forward in life with 12 fingers. The OP has to weigh pros and cons and the probability of each.

Appealing to a utopic world or the possibility of a utopic world in the future is not a solid foundation, in my view, upon which a decision should be made.

I would have it done. I would rather it was done while he was young enough not to remember it than later down the line when it will be just as painful but possibly more complicated and he will be much more aware of it.

Could you post a pic of his feet as well?

His fingers are different to the 'extra fingers' I've seen before. He looks to have two 'ring' fingers rather than two 'little' fingers. The others I have seen have been at a very different angle, more like a thumb on the wrong side.

I'd be wanting a full report on what he has going on under the skin before deciding what to do.

Another one kissing those lovely little fingers!xx

If they are functioning fingers then I would opt to have them removed now rather than later because of the nurological impact of later removal which is I suspect why the consultants recommend doing them before he is two.

If removed later he will retain memory of the functionality and associated nerve reflexes which will be far more detrimental to him than having them removed now. And having six fingers instead of five will impact on his dexterity, there will be things he won't be able to do the same as he would with five fingers, in the same way that if he was born minus one finger he would have some adaptations to make.

This isn't IMO about a child being bullied but a child who has been born with a disability which can be corrected. it's not just cosmetic - these are functioning didgits which will impact on his ability to do things in a certain way as he grows up.

I would have a serious chat with the consultant first though about the possible effects of the sergery and whether there would be any risk of associated nerve damage etc

Nicely put Wannabe.

My thoughts are with you OP. Very best wishes in arriving at a decision.

Why do you class having extra functioning fingers as a disability Wannabe? In what way will they make this little boy less able?

What a beautiful little hand! I would also tend towards not doing anything if the extra digits are functional and aren't going to cause any problems (other than the supposed eyeroll "inevitable bullying") performing everyday tasks.

A friend of a friend has six fully functioning digits on each hand, she was apparently self-conscious about them when she was younger but became very proud of them as a teenager. Did art in college and her final year project was themed around difference and her hands - my friend (who's a pianist) wrote a piece for her that could only be played by a twelve-fingered pianist.

Oh, and I met her once and genuinely didn't notice her hands had anything odd about them for aaaaages, and this was in a pub with people waving their hands around a lot. As someone said above, you do kind of edit in what you expect, IYKWIM - I also took ages to notice that another friend only had three fingers on one hand (he played bass guitar, had developed his own technique to work with his hand).