To remove/not remove my child's fingers

[24digits]

My DS was born earlier this year. He's absolutely perfect and is a healthy, happy little baby. He was born with an extra digit on each hand and foot so has 12 fingers and 12 toes. His fingers are perfectly formed with joints and nails. His toes, although they look a little more unusual, are also perfectly formed but do make his feet wider.

Upon leaving hospital we were given follow up appointments with a plastic surgeon to discuss our future options, except when we got there it seemed less like a question and answer session, but more like a discussion on when we will surgically remove DS's extra digits. We left, making it clear we hadn't yet made a decision, but we're told that it was better for DS to have any operation before age 2.

DH and I are completely torn on whether we put our perfectly healthy little boy through two painful operations to remove extra digits. Please can you give me your most honest, unvarnished opinions on what you would do because I really need to feel like we have considered everything before we make a decision.

At the moment we are considering letting DS have the operation to remove his toes so that he will be able to wear shoes, but everyone seems to be certain that my DS will be bullied if his extra fingers aren't removed. Am I subjecting my DS to a life of bullying if we don't go ahead with the operation?

Oh OP, tiny baby hand!

Hopefully seeing the pic will make people confront the reality of what a hard decision you face.

and as for writing - most of us our hardly actually write anymore, but tap away on phones or keyboards.

maybe with 2 extra fingers he could win typewriting competitions?

what I wonder is that although they are/seem fully functioning now, what is the info on them potentially growing at a different rate as his baby grows 24?

there are so many things to think about and discuss for you 24.
when will you have a surgical consultation to discuss basics details?

(still in "Team Remove")

*are

are!! not our
ffs

and writing not write

(wtaf? I need a sleep )

Oooooh I do love photos of babies' hands and feet!

I think they look pretty perfect to me, I wouldn't get any of those beautiful little fingers removed!

YesIdidmean; agree it is hard to hear but that is the reality and if things. It can be said in a more roundabout way or not said at all. I don't think anyone is being insensitive and we should not emotionally blackmail others to stop expressing legitimate points especially as they are in no way rude or offensive. They are simply highlighting the very real harsh side of life.

groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/syndactylypolydactylysupportgroup/info

Found this OP, hope you find it useful.

That little hand is beautiful, gosh, what a dilemma.

His little hand is beautiful! Much less obvious than imagined, certainly in its baby size.

Good luck with your decision. I don't think there is a 'correct' decision. Just one that on balance you end up with.

It's hard to comment because I haven't been through this but I wanted to say that I really applaud you for giving this the proper consideration that it deserves.

Please do come back and let us know the decision that you make. It'll be interesting to see how the hands develop either way and I do hope that you do return with updates in the future.

Seeing the picture, the hand looks perfect and it took me a few seconds to notice that there are 6 fingers.

I would also point out that it didn't cross my mind that your DH might be your brother so perhaps that is quite an old fashioned view?

Totally agree newrule this is the reality of a really hard decision.

Actually there is advantages, like Zing said:

Will swim faster.
Be a great typist.
Advantageous for being a goalkeeper (without gloves though)
Can do "high six" rather than "high five".
Count higher than his peers.

Am I missing any others?!

His hand is beautiful!

I would still remove if it were my child because I do think it would be inconvenient, but I can see why you hesitate - it looks perfect as it is.

Newrule, you may think it's reality but I assure you it hasn't been for me or my DCs. And I'm sorry but using the words ""freak show" and talking about bullied children hanging themselves on a thread like this is really really fucking offensive.

I'm not emotionally blackmailing people to stop them expressing themselves, I'm asking them to consider fully what they're writing and the people who are affected by this, is isn't just musing on a hypothetical situation to some of us.

Why?

We like to think these things won't happen. and what a wonderful world it would be if they didn't. All we can do is our best to raise our children to be happy with who they are and know we love them. and of course to raise them to not be nasty and to not care about things. I hope my children remember what I tell and have told them about being kind and appearances not mattering.

but it would be daft not to Consider it. I didn't post to say he will definitely be bullied. I posted as a victim of bullying and how I felt at the time and how what is really a Minor thing no one notices, was teh subject of ridicule at school. how having to have special items of shoes/clothing has its own difficulties too that as a kid matter if you are not the type of child to be able to shrug it off.

I've had zero self confidence my whole life. I still don't. I don't remember what I did yesterday but I can remember spending alot of time on my own from starting school.

I've not posted to be cruel or make other parents feel bad about their kids. in fact my Dds have birthmarks and had they not faded considerably I'd have considered having removed so I do know it's hard to make choices.

We have already met with a plastic surgeon who specialises in hand surgery but his attitude was very much remove and we were hoping for an unbiased surgical opinion rather than his personal opinion. We had a list of questions which he flew through, before telling us that he had done this before.

As for the mechanics of his toes and fingers, he is too young to have an x Ray at the moment so we don't know where the bones are attached etc. We also don't know how they will grow. If we were to keep his extra fingers my hope would be that they grow at the same rate, because a baby finger on a teenage/adult sized hand would be more of a talking point than a full sized functioning extra finger.

OK, peeps - Do you notice anything weird, freakish, offputting, etc, about these two men? The baseball player was a major league pitcher (Phillies.)

oh, bless his little hand

At the top of the thread I would have said remove, but of course seeing the pic I can understand how hard it is. I would definitely go to one of the charities mentioned to work through your decision.

Having seen a picture there is no way I could inflict surgery on that beautiful hand!

And to my inexpert eye, the sixth finger is a proper 'little' finger. One of the others looks like an extra iyswim.

Nick

just coz we are on a roll - learning the time might be easier?

fingers for AM and toes for PM?

(not taking the mickey 24digits, please don't take it that way. just being creative!)

fingers crossed - that's a whole new concept too

If the fingers are functional, surely the surgery involvers more than just "chopping off" the finger, there will be more bones to remove, further down the hand. I'd be very wary of that sort of operation, it could possibly have lasting effects in the hands' mobility and functioning. If you think of doing it, I would do an enormous research on the long term effects of this operation. I would not take this lightly (as I know the OP does not, bt many others do seem to).

His hand is beautiful.

This is such a difficult decision for you, 24. I hope the medical team has good advice for you.

I'd probably have the toes removed if they're likely to cause difficulty with balance, but keep the fingers. You don't notice immediately and that is such a lovely little hand.

Gah, what a tough one.

On the one hand, who are we to decide what is "normal" and what isn’t? Other types of non-consensual "normalisation surgery" in infancy are generally condemned - is this really that different? Even if he doesn’t go on to become a great pianist, isn’t it an opportunity for him to learn about self-acceptance and assertiveness? Some would say that we all have a certain duty to be open about our differences - because some people don’t have the choice of hiding theirs, and don’t we want to contribute to creating a world in which diversity in all its forms is embraced?

The other part of me thinks all that sounds lofty and naive. He will almost certainly reach a point (possibly just a phase, but maybe not) where he wishes he were like other children. Why put him through that for the sake of principle? Removing the extra digits would probably not have any negative consequences for him (unlike other types of normalisation surgery). Having them might be character-forming in the long run, but it might also give him life-long hang-ups. If given a choice, I think most people would prefer their child not to have any visible idiosyncrasies, even if they are purely cosmetic - this one can be easily remedied, so why not do it?

I’d be completely torn.

Oh, 24digits, tiny baby hand!

The post by YesIDidMeanToBeSoRuse struck home with me. There's a lot that made my family "different" when I was growing up, and some of those things resulted in teasing and some of them didn't. One of them that did was race, but none of you here would suggest that a bottle of skin-lightening cream was the answer, to make us all look the same.

A perfect little finger on a perfect little hand (or a big manly hand, I suppose, once he's grown) seems like an odd candidate to focus on for surgery when weighed against all the other things that children sometimes get corrective surgery for - there's no suggestion that these extra fingers are causing him pain, or impairing the function of the other ones.

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. Of course you don't want to inflict surgeries on a healthy baby to remove healthy digits... BUT the social side of things is a tricky one. I asked myself whether I would have wanted to go through life with obvious extra digits, and the answer is no. People will notice, and I'm sure you and he would get very sick of answering even the completely harmless questions people might have. And then there are the people who will say unpleasant things...

I hope you can come to a decision you're at peace with.

Aww......that's a cute little hand Congratulations.

I have thought long and hard about this and I wouldn't be removing them. For me personally, they are a fully functioning part of him and I couldn't do it If there are potential health risks or day to day living difficulties then I might think differently, however I wouldn't risk an operation based on what future bullying might bring.