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Original poster

To tell my friend I don't want to look after her DC's anymore

790 replies

evmil · 12/01/2015 13:51

I have a friend who has a full time job and quite unreliable childcare (she has aupairs but has quite a high turnover of them). She has three boys, one the same age as my DS(4) and two school age (7 and 10) and when her normal childcare falls through she asks me. Her aupair left just after christmas so since the start of term i have had her kids before school and after school Monday thru to Friday.

I looked after her kids for her yesterday as she said she needed to catch up on work. They were supposed to be here from 9 until 12ish but didn't leave until quarter past 7 last night. I was annoyed as I was supposed to be taking DSS3 somewhere but couldn't and he had to get a cab in the end and was late (DH is away so couldn't take him - i did tell her this).

Anyway, i got a text last night at about half 8 from said friend telling me she wasn't happy. I had apparently filled her kids up with junk food (we make milkshakes and biscuits and they got to try some and i sent some home with them), hadn't given them a proper dinner, they had jacket potatoes, which meant they were going to bed hungry, and I had let them play with the nerf guns and they had a go on the x-box (none of which she was happy with). She finished the text with 'i thought i could trust you to look after my boys'

I was really upset but just replied with 'perhaps it is best then if you get someone else to look after them', she didn't reply but i assumed this meant i wouldn't be having her kid anymore, but at quarter past 7 this morning she turned up at my house with them and said I'm not happy about yesterday but I am willing to give you another chance!! I didn't say anything as i didn't want to upset the boys but seriously!!

Like I said I enjoy having her kids and i know she is stuck for childcare but she doesn't pay me and i feel really under appreciated (i don't expect money, a thank you would be nice though!)

WIBU to tell her i don't want to look after her kids again because of her behaviour?

OP posts:
Jackiemagazine · 13/01/2015 09:22

Did she show up this morning?

DidoTheDodo · 13/01/2015 09:23

Well that's one less Christmas card you have to send this year. Good result, OP!

ptumbi · 13/01/2015 09:25

Yonic - it's the first thing I thought of, when she said she had issues with DSS1 and his friend 'who lives with us'. I imagine DSS1 to be late-teens or older.

Apols if I'm wrong, but I wouldn't be surprised if this bitch uses the 'stories' to spread some of her own, true or not.

Stubbed · 13/01/2015 09:33

Ok she's cheeky but what about the poor children? I would have hated being shunted around like that when I was at school

notonyourninny · 13/01/2015 09:41

Ok she's cheeky but what about the poor children? I would have hated being shunted around like that when I was at school

Really not ops problem. The parents need to sort out proper childcare.

rollonthesummer · 13/01/2015 09:45

Really not ops problem. The parents need to sort out proper childcare.

Exactly!

pictish · 13/01/2015 09:50

Yes it's rubbish for the children...their parents ought to sort that shit out.

ptumbi · 13/01/2015 09:51

stubbed - really? OP should take on everyone's Dc because othewise they would be shunted about?

Form an orderly queue....

Tinkerball · 13/01/2015 09:55

Stubbed what about the poor children

Who are their parents responsibity not every random friends!

Original poster
evmil · 13/01/2015 10:01

No she didn't turn up this morning. She text me at about 7am (and woke me up Hmm) asking if i could have the kids as she was desperate. I said no and she hasn't replied.

The stuff about DSS1 and his friend is to do with their behaviour, rather than their sexuality. It annoyed me because neither of them are perfect and there have been problems (things like drinking, smoking, police ect) but they behave perfectly well around my 'friends' children and she knows this. It kind of upset me tbh.

Anyway, thank you all for the messages about DSS3, had a really bad night but he's feeling a little better now

(oh and for the record DSS1 and his friend are 15, DSS2 is 14, DSS3 is 12 and DS is 4)

OP posts:
HeyheyheyGoodbye · 13/01/2015 10:04

Of course she asked you again this morning! Of course she did. Well done you for staying strong.

She sounds vile and you sound lovely. Hope your family is all healthy again soon Flowers

BurningBridges · 13/01/2015 10:05

Arrgghh!!!

Well done OP

But how can she be desperate? Is she seriously ill? Has someone died? IS she a brain surgeon who must perform life saving surgery this instant?!

Because only that level of desperation would justify her doing that to you, after what she had already done!! If she just has to go to work/do some work, then there is such a thing as parental leave or take holiday whilst she sorts out childcare.

wheresthelight · 13/01/2015 10:06

Oh my life!! As if the cheeky bitch wasn't rude enough in the first place!! she really has surpassed herself.

EVmil - I am not normally one to gossip, but I definitely think in this case you need to make sure that any one she could potentially stick the knife in with is fully aware of the truth of the situation before she gets a chance to launch a smear campaign against you!!

Hope she didn't turn up with them this morning and that she wakes up to herself and appears at some point with a massive bunch of flowers and the worlds biggest apology!

HazleNutt · 13/01/2015 10:07

She seriously thought you would have them after those texts yesterday? And really expected an answer other than no?

I also wonder what her husband was doing on a Sunday, if you had to have the kids the whole day.

Dowser · 13/01/2015 10:10

My kids ( grand ) would be in their element at your house. They are home edded, meet up for nerf gun sessions and are always making cakes,as well as other things and pizza is a firm favourite

Jackiemagazine · 13/01/2015 10:11

You have FIVE boys to take care of, and she wants you to have hers too?

Has she ever ever mentioned paying you? In cash or in kind?

molesbreath · 13/01/2015 10:12

Can't believe the cheek of this woman.

So glad you stuck to your guns and didn't give in. You have done nothing wrong apart from not nipping this in the bud a long time ago.

I know what teenagers can be like and to parents who haven't got the. Yet they can look like a nightmare - I would be deeply upset about those nasty comments and it would take me a long time to forgive and forget.

Enjoy your family mornings together from now on !

tiggydiggydee · 13/01/2015 10:12

I've been following this with my jaw on the floor! Peoples rudeness just amazes me. I can't believe the nerve of the woman texting you this morning asking/pleading for you to have her children again!
People like this never change...they think the world revolves around them. She'll be no loss to you and your mornings will probably be much calmer from now on without her.
Hope your son feels better soon and that you have a lovely day. Don't give that stupid woman a second thought Flowers

mrsallergy · 13/01/2015 10:12

l done for standing your ground. Can't believe she had the cheek to ask you again this morning for help. Where do some people get this sort of pompous brass neck from??

I'm hoiking my bosom in total indignation on your behalf.

Original poster
evmil · 13/01/2015 10:15

She told me her husband had a competition to do with his hobby, which is why he couldn't have the kids on Sunday. They both have very well paid jobs, in finance i think, and do work hard in them

She has said before about how much handwork/commitment her job requires and how it is difficult to get time off. I felt sorry for her because i saw how difficult she found juggling her job and her kids, which i why i agreed to it in the first place.

She could easily afford childcare though. The school has a breakfast and afterschool club which can be booked at the last minute. She didn't want to use as she didn't like it, but thats where the kids probably are

And i did tell them last night I wouldn't be able to look after them anymore. I did emphasise that it i was not because of them and I really enjoyed having them round.

OP posts:
mix56 · 13/01/2015 10:18

so you had 8 children in your house morning & evening, plus Sunday till 7 pm... EIGHT. (& she had the GALL to show up late again last night, incredulous....)
You said they all get on fine, but WOW, you are an angel. I feel sorry for her boys though, they are obviously a zillion times happier at your house !

lem73 · 13/01/2015 10:24

evmil sorry you've had to go through this. Please don't be upset by any comments that cow made about your home and family. She's jealous of you. I agree with another poster that you should get your side of the story in first with mutual friends who matter to you. She will be furious you've said no and sounds vindictive. I can imagine her spinning the story to say that she decided she couldn't leave her dcs in your house because your children are so wild etc. Don't let her do that to you.

QueenofallIsee · 13/01/2015 10:24

OP, you are totally doing the right thing. I would have to be saying something like

'Look, I felt that as your friend I wanted to help you - the word is help, I am not your employee. I felt often that you took advantage of my willingness to have the boys but I accepted that and didn't take it personally...when you actually tackled me on standards of care for your children, despite being over 5 hours late in collecting them with no warning, I realized that you don't and have never valued any aspect of the arrangement. Following that with a willingness to GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE, made me see that you see me not as a friend but as a subordinate and then you made personal remarks about my family. I am very fond of your sons and wish you all well, but do not ask me for help again'

Icimoi · 13/01/2015 10:29

IME it's often the most well-off people who are really tight about money and readiest to explore the kindness of others. It would have been extremely easy for this woman to sort out proper childcare from the beginning of term but she clearly reckoned she could save herself a fortune by exploiting OP.

Writerwannabe83 · 13/01/2015 10:32

I can't believe she text you this morning!!!! Well I can because it's what a woman like her would do, but Blimey, I can't believe the cheek of her!!

Well done for saying no - I have a feeling you haven't heard the last of it though.

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