To think trying for a baby after six months of living with someone is far too soon?

[seeminglyso]

Okay so my 27 year old sister met a bloke a year ago on a night out. In June they moved in together and yesterday she tells me she is trying for a baby with him.

She is worried due to health issues that she may have her menopause at 36/7 and I think this is one of the reasons. However I strongly feel she should wait - I was seven years with my husband before trying for a baby, so to me this seems way too soon - AIBU?

YANBU to be concerned for your sister.

BUT - when/with whom she starts TTC is None Of Your Business.

Even if your reservations turn out to be justified, you sister will need to you to be there for her, not to judge her.
Keep your mouth shout.
She will have to work her own life out.
Be there for her if she ends up needing you.

I know someone who met their partner on a plane in November, moved his fiancée of 9 years out in February and got together with their partner, who moved to the UK/in with him in March or that's the official story

She was pregnant by July, they married in December. So a year from getting together to arrival of baby.

Your sister and her partner were together for a year, how is that too soon?

People regularly used to get married and starty trying for a baby on the honeymoon. If she's concerned about fertility it makes sense.

It might put your mind at rest if you get to know him a bit more.

Fwiw my DSis was with an utter cunt for 5 years - house, engaged, planning wedding etc etc. He was all types of wrong.

She chucked him out in the end.

Two months later and she's met a chap who is, quite frankly, wonderful. He was in a similar position, abusive fiancée who he chucked out. Within 4 months of meeting he was at my DSis's so much that he was basically living there. Moved in officially when they had known each other 8 months. Now married with dc1 on the way.

My point is that, even though she was with the ex fiancé for a long time, he was a cocklodger and vile. Her (now) husband - well, she's known him for a much, much shorter period of time but he's brilliant. So it's no surprise that things have moved quickly for them.

You may be right to have concerns, you may not be. But you'll only be able to tell if you go in with an open mind and get to know him properly. Unfortunately even if you come away thinking she's making a bad decision, there is nowt you can do about it. You just have to be there to offer your support - which can be easier said than done!

I started ttc quickly with my oh. It took us 8 months but our son was born 2 months before we were together 2 years.

She knows herself, she knows this man and clearly wants a baby. Good on her. You can be with a man years, he can still leave you pregnant. I would not voice your opinions to your sister and let her get on with it. She sounds as if she has a good reason for trying now.

Too soon for you maybe. It would be too soon for me but it's none of your business. By your own admission, you haven't taken the time to get to know her partner, so I'm not sure what your concerns are founded upon. She's a grown woman.

Seeminglyso, do you have dc now? Is your dsis close to them, and would she make a good parent in your opinion?

YANBU to be concerned. I wouldn't be thrilled if my sibling did this either but as adults I have no say in their life.

Six months is no time at all to get to know a person much less tie yourself to them as co parent for the next eighteen years. Her decision to make though and she has to live with it if it all goes pear shaped.

Catjkeiththeif - yes I have one child - we moved to be closer to her and my mother but she hardly bothers with him at all. I also have cancer and still no offer of help with him.

Is that the crux of the problem? You are (understandably) angry at your sister for not helping out and maybe this is you lashing out.

Please don't insult me crumble. I really didn't come here to be insulted.

Me asking if knowing a man for one year is enough to have. Hold with him - how would that be lashing out?

Whoa!
Who is insulting you? I was about to post something similar, but am happy to stand corrected if that is not the case.

Fwiw, my DB and his wife knew each other for 19 years before they got together. They have now been married for 6 years, has a daughter and all is Not Well between them.
Length of time of knowing somebody has very little to do with whether they may be in it in the long run and whether or not they make fit parents.

You can state your reservations once if you must, but then forever hold your peace as the saying goes. Otherwise you risk damaging the relationship between you and your sister beyond repair.

Fwiw2, I never bothered with anybody's children (just did not find them very interesting) until I had my own. Not everybody is the born aunty or mum.

OP, exactly one year from my first kiss with DP, we were cradling our 13 day old baby. My DSis though, had been with her partner for 14 years before they had their first baby. Life looks different for different people, and if your sister senses your judgement then it is just going to create a barrier between you. Given that you care enough to worry about her choices, I guess you don't want that, so perhaps make an effort to be open minded despite your reservations?

I'm very sorry to hear that you're unwell, and whilst some replies have certainly been 'robust', think that maybe your hurt about this is getting to you. Could you speak to your sister to say you'd like to spend more time with her?

Given that I recall you posting elsewhere about disappointment with your sister I wondered what crumble did.
I don't see how she's insulted you at all.

I became pregnant 6 weeks into a new relationship.We are still together 18 years later.

I genuinely did not intend to insult you. I hope you're not as sharp with your sister as you have been in this thread.