Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think trying for a baby after six months of living with someone is far too soon?

168 replies

seeminglyso · 12/01/2015 13:47

Okay so my 27 year old sister met a bloke a year ago on a night out. In June they moved in together and yesterday she tells me she is trying for a baby with him.

She is worried due to health issues that she may have her menopause at 36/7 and I think this is one of the reasons. However I strongly feel she should wait - I was seven years with my husband before trying for a baby, so to me this seems way too soon - AIBU?

OP posts:
merrychristmasyafilthyanimal · 12/01/2015 14:44

I don't think YABU to think that it may be too soon, honestly I think part of me may feel the same if it was my younger sister, if you are close to your sister it's only natural to be protective of them. However it is her life to live and if she and her partner feel it is the right time then it's really no one else's business. YWBVU to say anything to her or be anything other than supportive.

ChippingInLatteLover · 12/01/2015 14:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

kali110 · 12/01/2015 14:50

I would be concerned too. Other people may move in/marry/get pregnant after 3months or a year of being with their partners but that's them, not your sister. I'd be concerned too especially if i didn't know the partner.

Original poster
seeminglyso · 12/01/2015 14:52

I wouldn't expect my sister to wait seven years - the reason I mentioned it was as in that to me it seems soon as I was with my DH for seven years before we tired, hence cant imagine it from her perspective -hence the question to hear from those it may have worked out okay for. I was hoping people could put my mind at rest really.

Some of the comments on here and some of the posters are a very sad indictment of mumsnet. It is a real shame there are people on here who like to gang up like a pack of hyena's, congratulating and affirming each others cattiness. I went to an all girls school and I swear they were not as bad as this at 14... some just never grow up I guess.

OP posts:
squoosh · 12/01/2015 14:54

Oh give it a rest.

ilovesooty · 12/01/2015 14:56

Obviously the OP thinks her own behaviour on the thread has been beyond reproach.

Original poster
seeminglyso · 12/01/2015 14:56

I wish they would 'Squoosh'

OP posts:
Theboodythatrocked · 12/01/2015 14:58

My sons gf told me in a squiffy moment that she and ds are trying.

He's 25 she's 36. They met and moved in together in weeks.

She's the best thing to have happened to him and both are blissfully happy.

Life is too short to not grab happiness so go for it.

wishmiplass · 12/01/2015 14:59

I'm starting to feel a little Blush for you now. Hoisted by your own petard.

grannytomine · 12/01/2015 15:01

Back in the day we used to get married without living together before. My parents met and married in six weeks. Ten months later my DS was born. They were happily married until my father died. My mother never got over losing him. Time isn't a great predictor in these things as far as I can see.

Original poster
seeminglyso · 12/01/2015 15:03

''Hoisted by your own petard'' - and you are feeling embarrassed for me - oh the irony of it all!

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 12/01/2015 15:05

my 27 year old sister met a bloke a year ago on a night out

That makes it sound so sordid!

Essentially, you're asking if a 27 year old woman, who has been with her partner for a year and now living together, should be able to try to have a baby?!

I had a 1 year old and a 3 year old by that age!

wishmiplass · 12/01/2015 15:07

Um. Why is that ironic?

You've tried to make your sister look bad, but have actually succeeded in making yourself look pretty silly. The phrase is apt.

Original poster
seeminglyso · 12/01/2015 15:08

No it isn't meant to sound sordid -its to give context eg - they didn't know each other before hand at all.

OP posts:
wishmiplass · 12/01/2015 15:10

Isn't that generally how people meet? I met my DP on a night out.

Original poster
seeminglyso · 12/01/2015 15:11

no believe it or not other people meet in different ways.

OP posts:
wishmiplass · 12/01/2015 15:11

Sorry to go on. But what you're saying - if I'm right - is that your sister didn't know this bloke before she met him on a night out?

Okaaaay then.

Feminine · 12/01/2015 15:11

you were not unreasonable to ask, nor were your responses. I think some posters make such an effort to be non-judgemental... that they miss any emotion behind the question.

ghostyslovesheep · 12/01/2015 15:12

my sister has been out with some nightmares - especially when in the grips of her BPD and made no end of bad decisions

she is now married to a man I dislike a lot but you know what OP - he MAKES HER HAPPY. and it's HER LIFE

so I grit my teeth (as I always have) and enjoy seeing her happy whilst trying to block out his racist blathering

the only time I ever tried to intervene was when she was being battered by her ex - she didn't like it and it caused a rift when she needed me most

point is OP you need to let her live her life her way and stop fiddling and worrying and being such a judgy pants

Mulligrubs · 12/01/2015 15:14

From the outside I think a year long relationship does seem short - but when you're certain you're with the person you want to have kids with or be with forever you just know it's right. As I said upthread OP it's working out for me so far and I'm a similar age to your sister.

Best to keep your concerns to yourself because if anyone had said to me "well, it's quite quick" I'd have bluntly told them to butt out (even though the concern from family is natural of course!)

wishmiplass · 12/01/2015 15:14

Hmm. I must remember to get to know people before I meet them to make sure they're kosher.

RiverTam · 12/01/2015 15:15

you are coming across as being very unimaginative - you can't imagine not waiting 7 years, you can't imagine meeting a man on a night out . . .

because you don't know her DP it's very hard to know if you have any justifiable concerns at all.

FreudiansSlipper · 12/01/2015 15:16

I know people to have been married for years they have children the relationship falls apart

I know others who (not planned) had a baby within a year and are still very much together and happy years later

she has to live her life if they are happy what are you so unhappy about

magpieginglebells · 12/01/2015 15:17

I have never known anyone before I met them.....

But seriously, we all have different goals and values. If you judge her she will sense it.

Original poster
seeminglyso · 12/01/2015 15:20

someone stated the night out bit made it sound sordid - I explained that I added this for context ie that the year relationship is just that - she did not know him before hand as friends or whatever - which of course would make a big difference if she had known him a few years then the relationship was one year long. I don't understand why you cant grasp that Wish?

OP posts: