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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think trying for a baby after six months of living with someone is far too soon?

168 replies

seeminglyso · 12/01/2015 13:47

Okay so my 27 year old sister met a bloke a year ago on a night out. In June they moved in together and yesterday she tells me she is trying for a baby with him.

She is worried due to health issues that she may have her menopause at 36/7 and I think this is one of the reasons. However I strongly feel she should wait - I was seven years with my husband before trying for a baby, so to me this seems way too soon - AIBU?

OP posts:
Bair · 12/01/2015 14:19

I think if the OP had any concerns other than time, she would have had very different answers Kwerty. MN is great for helping those in and affected by damaging relationships. However, 'I did X and my Sister is doing Y. Isn't doing Y wrong?' is shit.

Bair · 12/01/2015 14:20

Maybe you could start a diary OP. No one will ever disagree with you there.

Original poster
seeminglyso · 12/01/2015 14:21

Thanks to those genuine replies that are not a sad attempt to bully on line. I appreciate what you have said and will relax a bit. She has made some pretty bad decisions about blokes in the past and I don't really know this guy at all, hence the concern.

OP posts:
kwerty · 12/01/2015 14:21

seeminglyso that's how I felt too. You post a question, hoping for some considered replies and get back butt out, mean spiteful jealous bitch type replies.
Think some people have too much time on their hands; off to mark some books.

unclerory · 12/01/2015 14:23

OP your sister is in her late 20s and is in a stable relationship. Seems a perfectly reasonable time to have kids.

And DH and I didn't have children until we'd known each other for 12 years, does that make me superior to you? Ineed No fertility problems, we met when we were students and had a great child free time enjoying having money before we started having our family, depending on your stage of life you may or not be ready for children when you meet the person you want to spend the rest of our life with, so there's no need to be rude about people who choose to wait before they have kids, any more than the OP should question the choices of those who decide to start trying for a baby after a year.

expatinscotland · 12/01/2015 14:24

So much for flouncing Hmm.

squoosh · 12/01/2015 14:25

No one is 'bullying' you OP. I do hope you're a bit more level headed when speaking to your sister.

InternetFOREVER · 12/01/2015 14:26

MN does seem angry today. FWIW I do think it is quick... however that doesn't necessarily mean its the wrong thing to do and it doesn't mean it won't work out fine. Difficult and frustrating though when you have reservations about what a loved one is doing, and can't do anything to protect them.

Fleetfoxes · 12/01/2015 14:26

I see where you're coming from but the scenario could be much worse.

She obviously feels content and secure right now and I don't think that there is a great deal you can do to change this

Do you have issues with her partner? If so why?

I'd just leave her to it. Just because you waited 7 years to have your first DC doesn't mean that she should.

wickedlazy · 12/01/2015 14:26

And op I think you were called mean and spiteful, because it comes across as if because you waited 7 year to ttc, your sister should do the same, because that is how things are done, and what is proper . If you did try to talk her out of what she wanted or made her feel bad for not waiting longer, because it's how you think things should be done, that would be a bit malicious. Not saying that's your intent, just that you may have come across that way to other posters.

unclerory · 12/01/2015 14:27

Maybe you should try and make an effort to get to know your sister's OH and that may help allay your concerns.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 12/01/2015 14:27

Strange..I didn't read it as spiteful at all

needaholidaynow · 12/01/2015 14:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DidoTheDodo · 12/01/2015 14:31

I got pregnant four days after moving in with my partner. It was fine.

It's her life and while you may have concerns, it's really not your place to comment to her.

saturnvista · 12/01/2015 14:32

I understand your concern. At the same time, the fact that you had a 7 year gap between meeting and trying for children is irrelevant. Your sister doesn't have to do things the way you did and there have been many posts here today showing you that it can work to have a very small gap. How well do you know your sister? Do you trust her to be able to make her own decisions? You really need to reach a point where you can accept that she's capable of making her own mind up on these issues.

ilovesooty · 12/01/2015 14:32

"sad attempt to bully online"? Really?

Toooldtobearsed · 12/01/2015 14:34

I did not find you mean and spiteful at all.

Anyway, back to the original question. Back off. If you start trying to hold her back, there will only be one loser, and it won't be her partner.
Hopefully she has made an excellent decision and there will be a happy family in the future - you and your niece/nephew.
If not, and she has cocked up, you can be there for her.

You must not try to tell her how to live her life.

I married my DH 3 months after meeting him. Was 17. Thirty five years later we are still together. It happensSmile

Loiterer · 12/01/2015 14:35

OP YABU. If you have genuine concerns for your sister you would best support her by not being judgemental and being a sister she feels she can come to when\if things go wrong.

All relationships are different. Wouldn't life be boring if we all did things the same way.

girliefriend · 12/01/2015 14:35

I have been on mn for 7 years and still not brave enough to start a post on AIBU Grin the rest of mn is lovely and not as scary.

I think a year is fine to start thinking about having babies with someone, there is no guarantee that being with someone a long time means the relationship is a good one.

If your sister seems happy I would go with it and support her.

magpieginglebells · 12/01/2015 14:37

YABU. It's her mistake to make. Smile sad be happy for her. If it bites her in the bum in the future then be there for her.

wickedlazy · 12/01/2015 14:38

I didn't find you mean or spiteful on my first read, but on re-reading I can see why others might have gotten that impression .

Anyway, just think, you're getting a lovely niece or nephew Smile

Moonraker37 · 12/01/2015 14:39

We tried for a baby three months after moving in together. That was five years ago and two babies later. YABU

wyamc · 12/01/2015 14:40

I would be worried for my sister too.

I've been in awful relationships and for me, I didn't really realise they were awful until about 2 years in.

But at the end of the day, it's her life and her decision.

TheFairyCaravan · 12/01/2015 14:41

DH and I met at the end of the October. We got married at the end of the following March, DS1 was conceived on honeymoon and it's our 21st wedding anniversary this year.

It can work and it does work.

wishmiplass · 12/01/2015 14:41

Yeah - you can all RAM IT you bloody big bunch of bloody bullies!

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