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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think trying for a baby after six months of living with someone is far too soon?

168 replies

seeminglyso · 12/01/2015 13:47

Okay so my 27 year old sister met a bloke a year ago on a night out. In June they moved in together and yesterday she tells me she is trying for a baby with him.

She is worried due to health issues that she may have her menopause at 36/7 and I think this is one of the reasons. However I strongly feel she should wait - I was seven years with my husband before trying for a baby, so to me this seems way too soon - AIBU?

OP posts:
Surreyblah · 12/01/2015 16:15

If he's a good one that is!

Original poster
seeminglyso · 12/01/2015 16:21

She is going to stop work - I agree Surreyblah . I cant comment on his character really as we hardly know him.

OP posts:
sparechange · 12/01/2015 16:21

I recall thinking that I wanted a baby with the first man I fell in love with

Thing is, not everyone thinks like that. I, for example, never really wanted a baby with anyone before I met DH, despite having been in several serious cohabiting relationships. And yes, we moved in together after 6 months and started trying not long after that.

For us, it was startlingly obvious that we were both feeling something very different to other relationships, rather than it being some 'here we go again' feeling of wanting a baby with someone just because I was infatuated with them.

So YABU because you just seem to be judging her by your own feelings rather than hers

WannaBe · 12/01/2015 16:21

no, I didn't suggest that you should have posted as the person ttc, just that a lot of people would say too soon if someone ttc had posted.

If you had posted in more context other than just that they had been together for a year and living together for six months then you may have got different responses. I know people who have been together for years who I would say shouldn't ttc because of circumstances/the dynamic of their relationship etc, so time really is just a number without any context to back it up.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 12/01/2015 16:25

I know a lot of older women who rushed having babies with new partners as they were worried about missing their opportunity . Few are still with their partners now

Many people don't give two hoots about this and may even make decent co parenting arrangements in the event of a split before they get passed delivery. Often remaining cohabiting is not even a goal

RiverTam · 12/01/2015 16:27

If she's planning to stop work I would strongly advise that she gets married first. That I would find a concern.

MirandaSings26 · 12/01/2015 16:28

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NoImSpartacus · 12/01/2015 16:29

Haven't RTFT but yes I would be concerned if my sister had decided to TTC with a guy she had only known six months. It's not necessarily enough time to experience the different ups and downs of life and how he will deal with say, a baby crying ceaselessly as 3am after 20 mins of sleep, and then again and again.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 12/01/2015 16:29

It's how DH and I did it. Met in the August moved in with him in the January and was pregnant by the July.

Been together almost 11 years married 3 years

squoosh · 12/01/2015 16:32

She's known him a year, been living together six months.

CheeseAndBeans · 12/01/2015 16:33

I was only with DP for 6 months before moving in with him, 2 months later we tried for a baby. We now have a 1 year old and are engaged. All worked out for us, never been happier! When it's right, it's right!

seeminglyso · 12/01/2015 16:33

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Blondeshavemorefun · 12/01/2015 16:35

your sister has been with her dp for a year and living together 6mths, so moved in after 6mth, same as my dp and i

even if she got preg first attempt, by the time bubs is born they would have been together coming up for 2 years

we started ttc asap once moved in together, but sadly its not meant to be and 2.5yrs later still no baby

she may have a baby and live happily ever after with dp and maybe turn in dh

she may spilt up with dp during/after preg

she may not even manage to conceive

maybe you need to get to know her dp

what i am trying to say it that life is too short, so if your sister feels she is ready and wants a baby then tbh none of your business, she is an adult not 14!!

MirandaSings26 · 12/01/2015 16:36

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CuntCourtIsInSession · 12/01/2015 16:37

I don't know why you're getting a hard time OP, six months is very quick to go from living with someone first (after only knowing them a few months) to planning a family with them! And calling you "mean and spiteful" (you simply sound a bit baffled and concerned) in the very first post would get anyone's back up.

I do think there's not much you can do about it; if you're not otherwise concerned about their relationship, how he treats her and so on, then it's absolutely their prerogative. If it's just that this decision has suddenly made you realise you have concerns about how he treats her, or similar, well that is understandable, but you still have to tread very carefully. It's their decision at the end of the day, whether it's a good or a bad idea.

tiggytape · 12/01/2015 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsm16 · 12/01/2015 16:48

Yabu, we started ttc after 6 months together (living together 3 months) now had ds age 2, engaged, bought a new house together and are expecting twins. none of your business only they know how they feel about each other!

flavourflave · 12/01/2015 16:52

I did what your sister did. The guy left after baby was born, then tried to gain custody. It was the hardest time in my life.

So yes, it can work. It didn't for me. I wished I'd waited. People tried to tell me but I wouldn't listen so there's not much you can do.

That said I wish your sister luck. For me, my DC is fabulous so its all good in the end.

Original poster
seeminglyso · 12/01/2015 16:52

MirandaSings26 - seriously I think you need to go get a hobby or something?!

CuntCourtIsInSession - thank you - I have no idea why I am getting a hard time either - but I wont be making the mistake of ever using AIBU again.

OP posts:
MNHQ
KateSMumsnet · 12/01/2015 16:55

AHEM

Afternoon everyone. Things seem to be getting a bit heated, can we remind everyone of our talk guidelines? We'll be going through this thread and deleting anything that breaks our talk guidelines, please do report anything else you'd like us to look at.

notagainffffffffs · 12/01/2015 17:01

Normal to worry about your sister :) but I knew I would marry dh 2nd time I met him. Moved in together after 2 months, pregnant a month later.
Id been with someone else for 5 years before hand and never felt the way I felt about dh.
Incidentally my parents became pregnant after 2 months together and still married 30 years down the line :)

sarkymare · 12/01/2015 17:03

Kwerty is a regular. I've seen her name on numerous threads Miranda a quick search would have told you that.

If you think someone has been dabbling with sock puppetry then report the posts instead of inviting other posters to call troll or sock puppet too.

OP I don't think you sound spiteful or mean. You seem to have your sisters best interests at heart. I too would be a little uncomfortable with the time frame but as PP have said. Its not your call to make and all you can do is support her in her decision to TTC.

MrsDeVere · 12/01/2015 17:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kali110 · 12/01/2015 17:12

I'V seen kwerty on other threads before actually so i dont think its the op, just because they agree with her.
I also happen to agree with some of op's points so are you also going to accuse me other people who agreed of being the op?

OrangesJuicyOranges · 12/01/2015 17:13

Every relationship is different. I've been with people for years that I didn't feel would have been great to start a family with yet. My husband and I started trying to conceive about six months after we got together. We are now expecting a little one and very happy

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