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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think trying for a baby after six months of living with someone is far too soon?

168 replies

seeminglyso · 12/01/2015 13:47

Okay so my 27 year old sister met a bloke a year ago on a night out. In June they moved in together and yesterday she tells me she is trying for a baby with him.

She is worried due to health issues that she may have her menopause at 36/7 and I think this is one of the reasons. However I strongly feel she should wait - I was seven years with my husband before trying for a baby, so to me this seems way too soon - AIBU?

OP posts:
CompetitiveCrispEater · 12/01/2015 14:01

Expat is a very well known, and well liked poster.
What help did you need from this thread, OP? People didn't agree with your opinion, and you called them trolls, got sarcastic and flouncy Hmm

Original poster
seeminglyso · 12/01/2015 14:01

Hang on a second - I asked a genuine question - and the first response called me mean and spiteful - but now its my fault. I had forgotten what a cliquey dreadful place MN could be. Forget it.

OP posts:
squoosh · 12/01/2015 14:02

I don't see the big deal, they've been together for a year and are trying for a baby. It's not as though she's moving in with a bloke she met last Saturday.

The fact you were in a relationship for 7 years before having a baby is irrelevant. Did it take you 7 years to decide he was the man you wanted to have children with? I doubt it.

wowfudge · 12/01/2015 14:03

Does he seem like a good guy from what you have seen and know of him? Is your DSis happy? If yes is the answer to both of those questions, just leave them to it. If the answer to either is no, just be there for her if she needs you - she will not thank you for telling her how you feel whatever the circumstances.

LighterGate · 12/01/2015 14:03

Ghosty it's more;

AIBU?... YES!

You're obviously a Troll!

Grin
MrsTerryPratchett · 12/01/2015 14:04

What did you know after 7 years that you didn't know after 12 months, OP?

I knew my first H for YEARS before marriage. DH; moved in after long-distance thing quite quickly. Note which one I divorced...

CaptainAnkles · 12/01/2015 14:04

It might seem too soon to you. Evidently it doesn't to your sister. Butt out of her business and be supportive instead of trying to make decisions for her.

Bair · 12/01/2015 14:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NobodyLivesHere · 12/01/2015 14:05

I don't think a year is a short amount of time. A year after I met my kids dad I was giving birth to our first child. We were together 11 years and are still close friends who parent our children together. I get you are concerned, but I don't think you have reason to be.

CatThiefKeith · 12/01/2015 14:06

I believe expat said 'you sound' rather than 'you are'.

Which you did. Your sister is 27, and just because something worked for you you shouldn't assume it is right for everyone.

That's like saying you are always right and everyone else is automatically wrong if they disagree.

Oh, hang on....

expatinscotland · 12/01/2015 14:06

Nope, I am happily married and love my family. And I wrote that you 'sound'. But carry on.

So she has known him a year, and she is 27. Why not be happy for her?

Ineedacleaningfairy · 12/01/2015 14:06

Yabu. Sometimes you just know that you have met the person you want to have children with.

As soon as I moved in with dp we started ttc, it took 3 years to actually become pregnant due to fertility issues but I would have been happy to get pregnant right away.

I would find it more odd for a couple to wait 7 years to have a baby than a couple ttc after 1 year, I'd assume that a couple who had been together for 7 years without any sign of a baby were either having ttc problems or they were not that committed to each other, but it's non of my business when anyone else chooses to ttc.

Mulligrubs · 12/01/2015 14:06

It's none of your business.

My DP and I didn't move in together til I was 5 months pregnant. We'd been seeing each other a year exactly when I got pregnant. My DS is now 14 months, we are planning our wedding and have been together 3 years. Not a long time, of course but I have never been so happy, my DP is treats me like a queen. When the time is right, it's just right. It's not like your sister has only been with this guy for weeks, it's been a year which is long enough to know how compatible you are.

RiverTam · 12/01/2015 14:06

the thing is, you mentioned that you'd be with your DP for 7 years before trying, clearly implying that your way was right and your sister's was wrong. But she is not you, her DP isn't yours, and her life is her own. 27 is perfectly old enough to make these decisions and deal with whatever comes her way.

RiverTam · 12/01/2015 14:08

oh, and btw, just because you don't like what a poster has to say doesn't mean they are a troll. A quick search would have proved that.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 12/01/2015 14:08

They've been together a year. That's not a massive amount of time but I knew after a year that I would marry and hopefully have a family with my now DH. We moved in together after 3 months which everyone said was too soon but we're happily married now 6 years later. I understand you're concerned but she's a grown woman and can make her own decisions. They could be together 10 years, have a child and still divorce, it happens a lot!!

Mulligrubs · 12/01/2015 14:08

The should be "is and treats me like a queen!"

ChippingInLatteLover · 12/01/2015 14:08

Please flounce.

kwerty · 12/01/2015 14:14

OP there are some very bitch people on here!
'You sound mean and nasty' is a harsh judgment I feel.
They are also pedantic (when it suits); I suppose if you replied 'You sound like a troll', they would back off...not!
Nothing wrong with being concerned for your sister, but one is not allowed to be concerned about someone on here without being judged jealous, spiteful, over-invested... ad infinitum!

kwerty · 12/01/2015 14:15

bitchy some keys don't work well

googoodolly · 12/01/2015 14:15

A year isn't ages but it's not really your business.

wowfudge · 12/01/2015 14:15

I fail to see what sounds mean and spiteful in the OP's post. Perhaps the OP is judging her sister's relationship against her own (it does seem that way to an extent), but everyone is different and she has stated that her DSis has health concerns which may be behind her desire to start a family now. The OP is probably worried that the relationship may not withstand the pressures of having children. Frankly who knows that about any relationship, as pps have said. But, the sister is an adult and needs to be left to get on with her life her own way.

wickedlazy · 12/01/2015 14:17

Yabu. She is an adult, no mention of any problems with her dp so presumably there aren't any dv issues etc, and they have been together for a year. She obviously thinks highly of you to have confided in you that she plans to ttc, you should think highly enough of her in return to respect her decision. Maybe she has always wanted a family, and has finally met "the one" and this is her life coming together and her dreams coming true soppy but you know what I mean. I would imagine she has kissed a few frogs and knows what she wants in a relationship.

Original poster
seeminglyso · 12/01/2015 14:18

Thank you Kwerty - It was a genuine question and to have the first reply to be that one actually shocked me. That sort of comment surely is one trying to provoke? Hence my comment about a troll. The subsequent posts from others has really made me realise mumsnet is not the place for me.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 12/01/2015 14:19

Whether the OP disagrees with the opinion she gets or not she is bang out of order to call other posters trolls.