To think trying for a baby after six months of living with someone is far too soon?

[seeminglyso]

Okay so my 27 year old sister met a bloke a year ago on a night out. In June they moved in together and yesterday she tells me she is trying for a baby with him.

She is worried due to health issues that she may have her menopause at 36/7 and I think this is one of the reasons. However I strongly feel she should wait - I was seven years with my husband before trying for a baby, so to me this seems way too soon - AIBU?

Meeting someone on a night out is a fairly standard way to meet a partner I'd have thought.

Oh no that's why= because your too busy trying to think of what you think are clever little phrases to insult me.

Sorry to the people who are seriously trying to answer my question - Thank you

Oh dear this is rather circular

I do. But you're measuring the likely success of the relationship based on your 7 year lead in time. She's not you. Who knows, their relationship may even last longer than yours in the long run. You don't know. Just leave them to it and stop worrying until there's something to worry about.

been together a year can mean dating one night a week - its called context

I think YABU for all the reasons stated by others.

But FWIW, I do think that expat's immediate retort was unneccessarily harsh. There's not a lot of difference between "you sound" and 'you are".

However, I do normally find myself nodding and agreeing with you expat, so I'm assuming it's just a one-off or a misreading of the tone.

I couldn't care less if she met him on a night out - the reason I mentioned it was to quantify the time they have known each other - jesus

MRSDEVere - is that not the whole point of these discussion board? Otherwise why ask?

I don't think it's a clever little phrase, OP. I think it's a very appropriate phrase for the situation. I wasn't trying to be clever.

OP, why did you ask if you're being unreasonable if you're not prepared to accept what the majority say?

I do - see above - that is why I came on to ask. What I don't accept is that asking makes me spiteful and bitter or whatever else I have been called.

op, accusing people of being trolls and being generally unpleasant will not do you any favours.

Tbh, there's a difference between having a view that someone is jumping into having a baby too soon and actively seeking to have other people agree with you on this point. And regardless of what your opinion is on this, it is your sister's life, and if she feels strongly enough that she wants a baby you're not going to prevent that from happening.

fwiw I think that if someone posted on here that they had been with someone for a year, had only been living together for six months and were planning to start ttc the general consensus would be that it was too soon.

But ultimately it is just opinion, and every situation and every relationship is different, and time doesn't actually mean anything in that context. The only reason I would say it was too soon would be because it gives a couple little time to be together as a couple before a baby comes into the equation, but how long someone has been in a relationship has no bearing on whether it will last or not.

People introduce their kids to a new partner after a few weeks for instance and many would say that was too soon, yet that couple may stay together for the rest of their lives. Equally there was a post on here recently from someone who had waited a year to introduce her kids, and her dp ended the relationship that night. You just don't know, and time is just that - time.

For me personally I had been with my h for seven years before ttc. We're divorced now.

As many posters have said, this is none of your business. Just because you & your DH did things a different way, it doesn't make hers wrong. We found out we were expecting my DS after only 4 months together. If anything having a baby so soon has shown how strong our relationship is. rather than years of messing each other about, we committed early & we knew exactly where we stood with each other. Something that some people spend years faffing around with. This may be your sister's happy ever after, so rather than whinging because it doesn't follow your version of how things should be done, why don't you try supporting her?

WannaBe - that is what I should have done - I should have posted as if I was the person TTC - I wish I had of thought of it. Oh well too late now - the consensus appears to be that knowing a person 12 months is quite enough time.

Ok I'm going to stick to responding to the OP only and ask why you feel so strongly that she should wait?

A year long relationship is serious and after 6 months living together they must be pretty sure about each other. Even if her fertility worries mean they may be ttc a bit earlier than they would have otherwise I can't see the issue.

The issue of 'how long do you wait' is subjective surely. A 40yo wouldn't be expected to wait 7 years if they wanted a child, just as most people wouldn't expect a 16yo to want a baby 6 months into a relationship. 27 is a perfectly reasonable age to want to start a family and if there are no concerns about the partner then just let them get on with it.

I would say a year in pretty standard when your in your mid 30s esp. My friends who are were in their middle 30s when they met their partners usually waited a year to start to tcc

Op I don't think you are mean or spiteful and merely posting out of concern for your sister however yabu it's her decision. Within 18 months of being with my now husband we conceived dd1 I was 34 so didn't want to leave it too long. If I'd met him younger we would have waited, travelled the world, had more fun but we really wanted children. I'm 48 now and haven't had a period in a year if we'd waited who knows?

There are a number of practical reasons why which I wont go into, however I think that when you are still in the 'loved up' stage, you know at it like rabbits all in love - you make decisions that are ruled by your heart and your head isn't even involved. I recall thinking that I wanted a baby with the first man I fell in love with - now I fall about laughing at the prospect. Another poster here said she had a number of shit relationships and only realised it after a two years - (hormones dying down I imagine). My sister's previous boyfriends have not been great at all - this is a lifelong commitment she is making - but onbviously I have no reason to be concerned for her welfare and actually according to the replies I have had, doing so makes me an outright bitch?

'I should have posted as if I was the person TTC ' Reverse threads tend to go down worse than this one has.

What's the bloke like? Is he good to her?

If he is the higher earner and she is likely to go PT or stop work if they have a baby she'd be sensible to get married first IMO!