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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be ABSOLUTELY fuming about the fact that MIL & SIL have taken it upon themselves to cut DD's hair

153 replies

Fleetfoxes · 12/01/2015 11:28

Bit of background just to understand the dynamics: MIL, SIL and DP, myself & DD all live in the same area. DP is a farmer and MIL lives next door to us. I work early morning shifts, this morning I had to be at work for 5am ( i got back at 10:30).

DP gets DD up and dressed on a mornings and then takes her up to MIL's house. Anyway I came back about half an hour ago and went to pick DD up.

SIL was there and she had recently mentioned that DD (18 months) could do with a hair cut - she was right but we were managing for now by just clipping it back. Plus it's kind of a sentimental thing baby's first hair cut.

Anyway DD turned round and to my horror they have cut her fringe!! It's wonky and in all honesty looks shit. I can't even clip it back. I know that it's 'just hair' and will grow back eventually but it's the principle. They didn't ask either myself or DP if they could do it they've just shown an absolute fucking lack of respect and goner heads an done it.

Perhaps the worst thing is the fact that they didnt say anything about it when I went inn to pick her up. I wasnt there for long(but long enough for them to tell me they had cut her hair) I picked her up put her coat and shoes on and left. I honestly felt like crying punching a wall

I know that if i say anthing there will be no apology and it will be me in the wrong for kicking up a fuss.

I'm a busy working mum, trying to keep a home and keep everyone fed, haircuts aren't my top priority, they Are an extra expense that I can't really afford if I'm honest. If it came to it I wouldve cut her hair myself, if it went wrong then I'd only have had myself to blame.

I'm so upset. Sorry for the length just had to vent

OP posts:
Original poster
Fleetfoxes · 12/01/2015 11:30

You can also guarantee that if I cut one of her kids hair all hell would break loose yet it's fine for her to do it to mine

OP posts:
Janethegirl · 12/01/2015 11:32

You need to say something else they'll cut it when they want and think they are doing you a favour.

It would drive me nuts too.

LovelyBranches · 12/01/2015 11:33

I wouldn't like it either, you should say something. I'd want an apology for that.

ouryve · 12/01/2015 11:34

Yes, it is just hair, but they were seriously overstepping by doing this.

I'm not one to keep sentimental souvenirs, but I have kept both of my boys' first haircuts.

Thisvehicleisreversing · 12/01/2015 11:36

I'd be fuming too, it's not their place to cut your DD's hair.

I don't know what you can say to them without looking petty (in their eyes) though.
Would your DP be able to confront them about it, or would he say it doesn't matter? like my DH would

BettyBoblin · 12/01/2015 11:38

I would be furious. The problem is, I guess they don't even understand that they have overstepped the mark, and as you say you may come across as being the wrong if you say anything. I see that you also need their support for childcare so kicking up too much of a fuss could make that difficult. Maybe when you have calmed down you could have a word, just pointing out how upset you were as a first hair cut can be a special thing. At the end of the day it is just hair and you can take her to have a proper hair cut another day. I'd still be furious though.

Discopanda · 12/01/2015 11:38

My MIL did that to my DD before we had the chance to give her her first haircut. It wasn't even straight! It was when we were still living with them and she TOOK MY CHILD OUT OF BED WHEN I WAS STILL ASLEEP and did it. FIL told her off, I got the kitchen scissors out and told her that since she'd cut my child's hair without permission I was going to do hers, she absolutely pooed herself but still didn't apologise.

Hobby2014 · 12/01/2015 11:39

I would be angry. I wouldn't have been able to leave without saying something. What does DH say?

HoggleHoggle · 12/01/2015 11:39

Totally out of order. I think in all honesty you need to say something about it. It would have been so easy for SIL to offer to cut it, the fact that she just went ahead and did it is very disrespectful. I'd want to know what she thought she was doing.

Don't let them make you think you're being petty. Just because it's a small thing in the scheme of things, doesn't make it ok.

Gautami · 12/01/2015 11:39

YANBU, that's awful. You need to nip this in the bud by telling them how out of order they've been.

benfoldsfive · 12/01/2015 11:40

You need top kick up a fuss or they will do it again. Your ds needs to kick up a fuss to.

Yanbu.

It's the attitude of well it's obvious to the world it needed doing, she is our dn/dgc we did the right thing. No jury would convict us. Make it clear they would.

Trust me out them turns into other choices. What toys she wants. What preschool. what clothes! stop it now!!!

brokenhearted55a · 12/01/2015 11:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

madeinkent · 12/01/2015 11:44

My grandma did it to me when I was three. I had very thick blonde hair and my mother loved my ponytail, but she was ill and I was sent to her for a few days. She took me to the hairdresser's and I screamed the place down, I didn't want short hair and I knew my mother would be furious. She got them to cut my hair into that dreadful 20s/30s hairstyle that used to be all the rage for kids when hers were young, a sort of bob with a very short fringe. It was dire and didn't suit me at all. Needless to say it didn't improve relations between them at all.

I would have been furious too, if it had been my child.

fieldfare · 12/01/2015 11:44

How on earth didn't you say something?! I'd have gone bananas.

You must address this or else they'll carry on taking liberties and not see any problem with it 'as you didn't say anything the first time'.

Oh and also ask them to stump up the cash to take her to a proper hairdresser for their balls up to be put right.

xlibbyx · 12/01/2015 11:45

I would be absolutely livid.

She is your child, and it is your choice about when/how you cut her hair, not theirs!

My mum did very similar things with my eldest DD when she was a baby, including starting her on solids without asking me, and then acted like I was in the wrong when I pulled her up on it.

Discopanda · 12/01/2015 11:46

TBH I think it's a complete lack of respect as well, it's your decision to make and you just don't go around doing what you want with other people's children, whether you're an aunt, grandparent or just the next door neighbour.

peggyundercrackers · 12/01/2015 11:46

i would be absolutely livid, I wouldn't have left them with a leg to stand on - petty or not its fuck all to do with them - end of.

AhoyMcCoy · 12/01/2015 11:46

Do you think their motivation behind it was essentially good? In their heads - were they helping you out and making it one less job for you to do? If you think yes, I'd take a deep breath and let it go. Not worth kicking up a fuss, especially if you need MIL for childcare. Pick your battles - I'd save mine for if I thought it had been done just to purposefully upset me or to show control. If it was a misplaced kind gesture, I'd move on.

Tinkerball · 12/01/2015 11:46

You need to say something I agree. Its not ok, and overstepping a boundary. Cutting your DDs hair is not their decision to make or act on.

Original poster
Fleetfoxes · 12/01/2015 11:46

I just think Jesus christ if they're going to cut her hair without my permission what else are they going to do without asking? DP will listen to me but whether he confronts em or not is another matter.

I know for a fact that SIL would be livid if someone did that to her DC'S.

I half think that they reckon I'm not a capable mother, MIL in particulR has criticised every aspect of how I bring DD up yet her youngest son (my DP) can't cook, cant won't clean up after himself and doesn't wash regularly because she never taught him to, old habits die hard. He has got slightly better since I moved in but it's a struggle!!

OP posts:
Mintyy · 12/01/2015 11:47

God, what on earth is wrong with people? Shock.

You absolutely definitely MUST express your anger about this to mil and sil though. Don't let them walk all over you/take you for granted.

So what if they think you are being stroppy? You have every right to be.

Aherdofmims · 12/01/2015 11:48

My mil once cut my dd's fringe when I had painstakingly been growing it out for months. Excuse was dd had just had chicken pox and she thought it was annoying her but could easily have clipped it back.

Worst thing was she did it crooked and really short and we had a close family wedding soon after. It looked so awful in the pictcures!

WillBeatJanuaryBlues · 12/01/2015 11:50

People are frightened of causing a fuss...making a scene - having fallout well....

You have all the above or you have people who feel its OK to do stuff like this - and no one is telling them other wise.

I would be utterly furious!

Also why does your dd need a hair cut?

I think my oldest has had hair cut once at hair dresser and trimmed by me about 5 times, she is 8.

my baby has hair clips to hold hair back, I dont want a fringe as will have to grow out at some point, I use clip or hair band to keep out of eyes.

DamselNotInHerDress · 12/01/2015 11:50

Stand up or yourself then - if it's really bothered you, don't be such a bloody wet lettuce. The reason people do things and continue to upset people is because they aren't challenged.
So what if they turn it around on you and make you out to be difficult or whatever, stewing in your own rage, or being so upset you feel like crying isn't good for you.

Fwiw, my dad cut dds hair when I left her in his charge. She had a very lopsided short fringe - it grew back! I don't do sentimentality at all, can you tell? Grin

Original poster
Fleetfoxes · 12/01/2015 11:50

Ahoymcoy they've pulled stunts like this before. It's all about overpowering and undermining me. Nothing I do is right.

I had told SIL that I had a friend who's a hairdresser who said she would take care of it when she was next at ours ( which happens to be the day after tomorrow)

I don't think that there is much she can do as they have cut it that short/wonky.

OP posts: