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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be ABSOLUTELY fuming about the fact that MIL & SIL have taken it upon themselves to cut DD's hair

153 replies

Fleetfoxes · 12/01/2015 11:28

Bit of background just to understand the dynamics: MIL, SIL and DP, myself & DD all live in the same area. DP is a farmer and MIL lives next door to us. I work early morning shifts, this morning I had to be at work for 5am ( i got back at 10:30).

DP gets DD up and dressed on a mornings and then takes her up to MIL's house. Anyway I came back about half an hour ago and went to pick DD up.

SIL was there and she had recently mentioned that DD (18 months) could do with a hair cut - she was right but we were managing for now by just clipping it back. Plus it's kind of a sentimental thing baby's first hair cut.

Anyway DD turned round and to my horror they have cut her fringe!! It's wonky and in all honesty looks shit. I can't even clip it back. I know that it's 'just hair' and will grow back eventually but it's the principle. They didn't ask either myself or DP if they could do it they've just shown an absolute fucking lack of respect and goner heads an done it.

Perhaps the worst thing is the fact that they didnt say anything about it when I went inn to pick her up. I wasnt there for long(but long enough for them to tell me they had cut her hair) I picked her up put her coat and shoes on and left. I honestly felt like crying punching a wall

I know that if i say anthing there will be no apology and it will be me in the wrong for kicking up a fuss.

I'm a busy working mum, trying to keep a home and keep everyone fed, haircuts aren't my top priority, they Are an extra expense that I can't really afford if I'm honest. If it came to it I wouldve cut her hair myself, if it went wrong then I'd only have had myself to blame.

I'm so upset. Sorry for the length just had to vent

OP posts:
Mrsteddyruxpin · 12/01/2015 11:51

Can you arrange for paid childcare? I know that might be tricky with 5.30 start, but I would pull away from them a bit.

WillBeatJanuaryBlues · 12/01/2015 11:51

I agree lack of respect etc but I think you need to take on responsibility for this also.

You need to push back. Yes its wrong of them and your mil to be so rude...however if no one is flagging up there is a problem, how are they to know?

WillBeatJanuaryBlues · 12/01/2015 11:52

I had told SIL that I had a friend who's a hairdresser who said she would take care of it when she was next at ours ( which happens to be the day after tomorrow)

why are you even explaining to sil what your doing about the hair!

wishmiplass · 12/01/2015 11:54

Outrageous. YANBU. I'd be having words. Some of them sweary.

123rd · 12/01/2015 11:55

You have to tell them. They will think its acceptable to do that sort of thing again. She is your daughter. You get I decide things like when and if she needs a haircut.

Viviennemary · 12/01/2015 11:57

It's an outrage. How dare they. Unless your DP asked them to this is totally out of order. I'd stop contact with them. All this walking over people with hobnailed boots and them not daring to say anything. Speak up loud and clear. They were out of order in a massive way.

NotEntirelyWhelmed · 12/01/2015 11:57

I'd be incandescent with rage. I'd have her charged with assault if it waspossible, that's how angry I'd be. MIL did that to my partner's niece. And she wonders why I don't trust her alone with our kids.

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 12/01/2015 11:58

I'd have gone absolutely apeshit there and then.

Time for you to grow a backbone.

Christelle2207 · 12/01/2015 11:58

So, are you going to say something or failing that get your dp to?

GritStrength · 12/01/2015 11:58

Of course YANBU. But you would be to leave it.

CatsClaus · 12/01/2015 11:59

Say nothing, bide your time, you'll catch one or other of them asleep when you have the snippy scissors.

ArcheryAnnie · 12/01/2015 11:59

Would your DP tell them off, with you present so he doesn't weasel out? That way they can't dismiss it as you being unreasonable. (Which they shouldn't anyway, but I know how families can get.)

Rebecca2014 · 12/01/2015 11:59

Bloody hell it's not a big deal. I really wouldn't care, I cut it straight myself and that be that. First haircut is sentimental rubbish.

WillBeatJanuaryBlues · 12/01/2015 12:03
Grin

I see...so because its not important to you Rebecca it shouldn't be to anyone else.

This poster holds it dear therefore - to her its a big deal.

WillBeatJanuaryBlues · 12/01/2015 12:03

I also guess Rebecca if someone cut your hair without permission you would be fine with that.

MagicMojito · 12/01/2015 12:04

I second CatsClaus Angry
God, I would be furious. Total lack of respect and boundaries.

Mulligrubs · 12/01/2015 12:04

I'd be furious, you just don't cut someone else's child's hair. You just don't. I hate causing a fuss about anything (I put up with a lot of shit from FIL and i fucking hate him) but if anyone cut my son's hair I'd have to cause a fuss. They need to know that you're not OK with this and they way overstepped the mark.

Flingmoo · 12/01/2015 12:06

I saw the title of this thread and thought 'here we go, another overreaction' but in this case YANBU - I would be really angry too. I know it's just hair but if this happened to my little DS, my rather animal maternal instinct says they've physically damaged my baby and should prepare to suffer my wrath!

StackladysMorphicResonator · 12/01/2015 12:06

YANBU at all - I'd be utterly furious! There's no way they wouldn't have realised that this was unacceptable behaviour, they must've known it would piss you off.

You need to say something - don't have a massive go, but calmly and firmly state that you appreciate that they were trying to help (they weren't, but this makes you look like the bigger person) but please could they refrain from cutting your DD's hair in future as you'd prefer to organise it yourself.

FannyFifer · 12/01/2015 12:07

Never mind the haircut, your DP doesn't know to wash himself regularly, wtf!

pictish · 12/01/2015 12:08

Was it hanging in her eyes at all? They maybe just thought to get rid of it, as it can be annoying.
I hate seeing a tot with hair hanging in their eyes, but would never ever take it upon myself to cut it. I do think "wish they'd get that hair cut" though.

WillBeatJanuaryBlues · 12/01/2015 12:08

don't have a massive go
I disagree op needs to find her anger over this. they have undermined her, stepped over boundaires, physically altered the appearance of her child...so many issues here. she needs to show how upset she is.

morethanpotatoprints · 12/01/2015 12:09

I would be careful about leaving the dc with them in future tbh, what would they do next?
It's not the hair cut but the fact they are deciding whats right for your child.
You either need to tell them straight that they have to check everything with you, or find some suitable cc whilst you are working.

TooHasty · 12/01/2015 12:10

It's very tricky because you are reliant on them for childcare.i can understand you being cross though! if it's any consolation though, although these things seem like a big deal at the time, in retrospect they are meaningless.I can't even remember any of my DCs first haircuts now.

CrockedPot · 12/01/2015 12:12

I didn't speak to my brother for three whole months for the same crime - I was bloody fuming.

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