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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pick an awkward wedding date?

146 replies

ApignamedJasper · 12/01/2015 09:51

I'm in the very preliminary stages of planning a wedding and just looking around at dates & stuff. One particular date jumps out at me, it's special to me & DP (day we met) and it's in the spring/early summer so could be good weather-wise.

Only trouble is, it's on a Monday :/

This is good for us as it makes it vastly cheaper for venues and whatnot, plus the date we have in mind is in 'wedding season' so we are more likely to be able to book if it's on an 'unpopular' day. Cost is really important as unfortunately we are on a very tight budget.

Possibly not so good for friends and family attending though, my parents & other relatives live quite far away so would need to travel and spend at least one or two nights here before travelling back - realistically I would think that means 2 weekdays off work and I'm not sure if it is U of me to book a date that necessitates this.

Would you go to a wedding on a Monday? Aibu to pick a date that is pretty difficult for people to attend?

OP posts:
VanitasVanitatum · 12/01/2015 09:54

I don't think it's unreasonable but I do think you should prepare yourself for a lower turn out than you would otherwise expect. Not everyone can take a day off.

I have been to weekday weddings in the past but I know it annoys other people more than it did me. Maybe talk to your key guests about it first - ones who will feel obliged/really want to attend.

SnowWhiteAteTheApple · 12/01/2015 09:55

For a child or siblings wedding I would sacrifice two days leave but otherwise no.

Can you not compromise and have the date but book the wedding close to them do you give up your days so everyone else doesn't have to travel and part with precious annual leave.

The other thing to consider is if the Monday falls term time if people have children or work in schools.

chainedtothedesk · 12/01/2015 09:57

A Monday wedding sounds like a bad idea to me. But then my wedding was on a Friday so maybe not much better. I would try to stick to the end of the week if a weekend isn't possible but thats just me. Good luck.

Pootles2010 · 12/01/2015 09:57

Maybe ask your parents/ other relatives who live far away what they think?

BiancaDelRio · 12/01/2015 09:58

Unless it was an immediate family member (sibling) I wouldn't use up 2 days holiday (or even one tbh) on a weekday wedding.

I don't think YABU. You can have your wedding whenever you like. But you should prepare yourself for a lower turnout than if it were a Saturday wedding.

ilovesooty · 12/01/2015 09:58

Is it a child free wedding?

Original poster
ApignamedJasper · 12/01/2015 09:58

It would be a fairly small wedding anyway as I don't have a huge family and not many friends and neither does DP, he is non contact with some of his family.

I think all the key family members would gladly take the time off to attend I think I'm just worried that it WBU of me to 'make' family take days off but the costs for weddings at the weekend are almost double!

OP posts:
CleanLinesSharpEdges · 12/01/2015 09:58

It would have to be very close family or best friend for me to take a couple of days leave plus sort out childcare. Even if children were invited then I wouldn't take ds out of school.

As a PP said, book your wedding when you like but expect a lower turnout.

yellowdinosauragain · 12/01/2015 10:00

I'd take time off work to go to a wedding on a Monday for someone I was close to. I went to a Thursday wedding at the other end of the country which involved 3 days off work.

However, is it in school holidays? Because if its not then you'll probably find people who have school aged children won't be able to come. Because even if they were happy to take children out of school for a wedding it would be unlikely to be approved as leave and they may get fined.

If children aren't invited then you'd potentially be expecting friends and family to arrange childcare which might involve other family members taking time off work to look after them overnight.

So I'd say unless most of your family / friends don't have school age children, or your date is in the school holiday, or you don't care if lots people can't make it, choose a different date.

yellowdinosauragain · 12/01/2015 10:00

Cross posted with everyone there was only the op when I started writing!

museumum · 12/01/2015 10:00

What about compromising and taking the Sunday. They're usually cheap and people will only need to take the Monday off to travel home.

mummymeister · 12/01/2015 10:01

A Monday wedding not in school holidays is going to mean that all those guests with children in school are not going to be able to come because of the Gove changes to holidays in term time. that's why the prices of mid week weddings have gone down and weekend ones have gone up - supply and demand. if you really don't mind not have a bridesmaid or pageboy between the ages of 4 and 18 and accept that parents with kids will not be able to pull them out of school for the day like they did in the past then go ahead and do it. same applies if any of your potential guests are teachers.

OvertiredandConfused · 12/01/2015 10:02

If key people - family and close friends - are ok then I'd do it. But do bear in mind anyone who has school age children as they won't be able to miss school. Maybe a good way for a child-free wedding, if that's your bag?

TracyBarlow · 12/01/2015 10:02

Just be prepared for half the people not to come, and for those that do to leave pretty early. Most wont want to take 2 days off work / school so will probably travel home on the night of the wedding.

Original poster
ApignamedJasper · 12/01/2015 10:03

My DM works in a school but not a teaching role - we couldn't really have the wedding closer to them as it would then means all of DP's friends and family having to travel! As there are less people on my side (who would have to travel) it seems more fair to have it here if you see what I mean?

No, not a child free wedding, me & DP both have children who will be attending but I was planning to have the wedding in the afternoon as the ceremony & reception will be at the same place (cuts down on travel & food costs!)

OP posts:
steppeinginto2015 · 12/01/2015 10:03

You may need to think about the jobs your invitees do. When I was teaching I couldn't have come to a Monday wedding even if it was my sister.

Now with 3 kids, we couldn't take a Monday wedding as we couldn't bring kids, and Monday would be a big ask for anyone to take over.

MrsMonkeyBear · 12/01/2015 10:04

If the date is special to you go for it.

My mum married my stepdad on a Monday (St David's day)
My sister got married on a Thursday (so her first wedding anniversary was Friday 13th)
I got married on a Wednesday (29th Feb)

I work in a hotel and we have a lot of Monday weddings, so I see nothing wrong with it.

DancingLola · 12/01/2015 10:04

I think as long as you give people plenty of notice, and accept that some might not want to/be able to use annual leave then it's fine to choose that date if it really means a lot to you.

CeliaLytton · 12/01/2015 10:04

YANBU but as pp have said, you should be prepared for a lower turnout.

By not wanting to pay the cost of a weekend wedding, you are passing that cost on to your guests by making them use valuable holiday or unpaid leave. As a guest I would be very aware of this, that the couple were saving money and it was costing me loads more to attend. If it were a sibling I may do it but otherwise, I can't afford the loss of income or family holiday time.

Some jobs like teaching have fixed holidays so people would not have the choice of attending.

Tbh I would sound out family with a hypothetical if you think they will resent it, as in 'a friend of mine is getting married on a Wednesday so I'll have to take time off work to attend, do you think that's a reasonable thing to ask?'

Congratulations Grin

ilovesooty · 12/01/2015 10:06

Will your mother even get the time off work to attend?

yellowdinosauragain · 12/01/2015 10:06

Depends whether the significance of the date is more important to you than the people you want to attend really... You'd probably be able to get a similar cost saving by having your wedding out of wedding season. We saved loads by getting married on a Saturday in October and had lovely weather as a bonus!

There is no right answer. You just need to consider what is most important / financially possible for you considering this and know that whatever you choose it's unlikely to work for everyone. Just don't get all bridezilla if people can't come, which I'm sure from the tone of your post you wouldn't.

mummymeister · 12/01/2015 10:06

apignamedjasper - you say you both have kids who will be attending. is that because they aren't school age? because if they are school age you will have to apply to the school for leave and it may be refused. even though the rules have apparently been relaxed you don't have to search too hard on MN to find people whose weddings are mid week, just want a day and whose kids have been refused leave.

Original poster
ApignamedJasper · 12/01/2015 10:07

Unfortunately Sundays are no cheaper, it's a set price for weekends and weekdays.

Aside from our own children I don't think there will be many children, and none that would have to travel. Also no teachers (I think).

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 12/01/2015 10:09

I'd think a wedding on a Monday was a terrible inconvenience. I would go if I was close to/liked the person. But if I was in any doubt about attending the day would certainly put me off.

Notso · 12/01/2015 10:14

BIL had a Thursday wedding and it was a total pain. I was a TA, we had two school age DC, SIL1 is a teacher, SIL2 had university exams.
MIL was massively pissed off when we suggested only going to the evening.
We all went except SIL2 who couldn't get there until the evening.
I had to jump through massive hoops to get the day off and never heard the end of it from the Head.