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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pick an awkward wedding date?

146 replies

ApignamedJasper · 12/01/2015 09:51

I'm in the very preliminary stages of planning a wedding and just looking around at dates & stuff. One particular date jumps out at me, it's special to me & DP (day we met) and it's in the spring/early summer so could be good weather-wise.

Only trouble is, it's on a Monday :/

This is good for us as it makes it vastly cheaper for venues and whatnot, plus the date we have in mind is in 'wedding season' so we are more likely to be able to book if it's on an 'unpopular' day. Cost is really important as unfortunately we are on a very tight budget.

Possibly not so good for friends and family attending though, my parents & other relatives live quite far away so would need to travel and spend at least one or two nights here before travelling back - realistically I would think that means 2 weekdays off work and I'm not sure if it is U of me to book a date that necessitates this.

Would you go to a wedding on a Monday? Aibu to pick a date that is pretty difficult for people to attend?

OP posts:
SnowWhiteAteTheApple · 12/01/2015 10:14

Your mum is unlikely to be able to have the time off unless she has a very flexible head who will let her have the days off unpaid. Term time contracts in school don't allow for holidays within school time.

Whilst cost saving for you, like Celia says its transferring those costs to guests which lots don't like.

Original poster
ApignamedJasper · 12/01/2015 10:15

All of our children are school age but I am hoping to avoid the school problem by having the wedding in the afternoon wishful thinking thereby giving us all day to make last minute arrangements, especially as we're going to be doing a lot of stuff ourselves.

Arrg it's all so complicated! As it's a beachside venue I'm really hoping for good weather more wishful thinking!. It's crazy how much the prices vary, for example it might be £500 weekdays £800 weekends out of season, £600 weekdays £1100 in season and £3500 on bank holidays! Thankfully I'm not booking a bank holiday!

OP posts:
PulpsNotFiction · 12/01/2015 10:15

You also need to think about people with kids who have to use all their annual leave entitlement for the school holidays. I wouldn't be able to come to your wedding as I don't have any spare leave even if I could get permission to take my kids out of school.

So, thanks for the invite but it's a no from us Grin

123Jump · 12/01/2015 10:17

When I got married 12 years ago, the venue only did weddings on a Monday or Thursday. It was very popular, and they liked to have the horse racing crowd and people looking for somewhere to stay and eat at the weekends. I got the last Thursday available that Summer but the Mondays all booked out too.
It could only hold 120 guests, you got exclusivity when you were having a wedding, and 113 were able to come.
However, this is in Ireland and weddings seem to be very different here.
Wouldn't bother me in the slightest if a wedding was on a weekday, but as I say it seems to be different in Ireland.
I say go for it, if people want to come they will.

Original poster
ApignamedJasper · 12/01/2015 10:17

Awww pulps! Grin

OP posts:
YvesJutteau · 12/01/2015 10:19

I'd go to a Monday wedding in term time for immediate family (sibling, parent or child), or for a close friend who lived nearby so that there was no travel involved. If it were in school holidays (and children invited too) I'd probably go whoever's wedding it was.

I think CeliaLytton gets to the crux of the matter: "By not wanting to pay the cost of a weekend wedding, you are passing that cost on to your guests by making them use valuable holiday or unpaid leave." i.e. it's not REALLY costing less, it's just costing YOU less. It's costing everyone else more. That doessn't make it the wrong thing to do, but bear it in mind.

AlleyCat11 · 12/01/2015 10:19

If it's difficult for guests to attend, as you say, then they simply won't.

mummymeister · 12/01/2015 10:20

the difference of £300 for a weekend wedding is about the rough cost to 4 or 5 of your guests having to take the day off of work. to be honest I realise you are on a budget but £300 extra isnt really that much to ensure that your mum can definitely come and you don't have to faff about collecting kids from school on your wedding day especially if you are doing a lot of stuff yourselves. an afternoon wedding would mean that you pick them up from school at what 3pm then have to get them home, get them changed and get them to the venue. unless the venue is right next door to you, I cant see this happening until 5pm possibly later. have a rethink. you are making this unduly complicated for the sake of saving £300.

GritStrength · 12/01/2015 10:27

To be honest for £300 difference I'd go for the weekend. I assumed you were going to say a number of thousands difference!

Whether you like it or not it is an imposition for guests to have a wedding that unnecessarily uses up 1-2 days annual leave. And for that price difference I don't think it worth it.

YoniMitchell · 12/01/2015 10:27

I'd take the time off work for a close relative (parent, sibling) but that would be it unless it was in the city where I live so it was just one day off, but even then I'd have to consider my relationship with the bride or groom to be especially close. Otherwise days off work are too precious.

What do your family, who would have to take 2 days off (at least) think?

Original poster
ApignamedJasper · 12/01/2015 10:27

£300 is a huge difference to us though. That was just an example, I can't remember the actual prices but we are going to have to scrimp and save until next year to afford it at all :(

I know DM works in a school but as she is in a non teaching role (office/admin) I think she will be able to take the days. She is taking a few days off at the end of next month to come and see me so she can take some time just not sure how much.

OP posts:
YoniMitchell · 12/01/2015 10:28

£300 difference?! I'd go for the weekend date!

paperlace · 12/01/2015 10:28

You're not being unreasonable at all - as in it's not rude or selfish, I can see why you would want to do it money wise/.b

But I'm afraid I wouldn't be delighted with a) a wedding on a Monday (just a depressing day - sorry!) and b) taking precious annual leave for a wedding.

A very close friend of mine had a Sunday wedding and she tried very hard to pressure me into taking Monday off as she didn't want guests leaving early - no way was I taking a day off just for being a bit tired/hungover. That one day is another day off with my dc in the summer or half term.

Original poster
ApignamedJasper · 12/01/2015 10:30

On my side (the ones who will travel) I think there would only be maybe 3 people that need to take time off, DSis' & DM.

OP posts:
YoniMitchell · 12/01/2015 10:30

I guess it comes down to what's more important, the venue/specific date or the guests. Having said that, if they're happy to take the time and travel then there's not an issue!

(Not being pa, btw!)

Now40 · 12/01/2015 10:31

I would actually be really annoyed if someone chose to have a wedding on a Monday to save them some money. Even if I didn't have kids (which would make if impossible to attend) I would feel pressurised into taking the time off and I would resent that.

SnowWhiteAteTheApple · 12/01/2015 10:32

In that case then OP I'd delay until you can afford or cut back to yourselves and parents/siblings if that's what your budget stretches too. It's unfair to put the costs onto your guests to reduce yours.

Travel costs, new outfits, hotel, gift etc plus the cost of losing two days annual leave is a great deal to ask of people.

minibmw2010 · 12/01/2015 10:36

I think you'll find that hoping you children can go to school on the day and then onto the wedding afterwards (that's how I read it anyway) is going to work out to be really difficult/unrealistic. I understand finances are dictating this and as you say it's going to be a small wedding anyway but I think you really need to speak to anyone you want to attend before you make this choice, they may have every single day of their annual leave allowance accounted for/planned already.

LadyLuck10 · 12/01/2015 10:39

I think it's going to really inconvenience people. Also they may feel pressure to take the day off even if they don't want to. You need to decide what's more important, the people attending or sticking to that date.

Nicknacky · 12/01/2015 10:43

Even if it is an afternoon wedding, how do you realistically expect guests to pick kids up from school, get ready, possibly feed them then travel to a wedding? It would be far easier on everyone (especially you) if you have it on the weekend. Then your kids can share in the build up and excitement rather than being at school!

Original poster
ApignamedJasper · 12/01/2015 10:44

Would it make a difference RE annual leave if the date was 2016? So they have plenty of notice?

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 12/01/2015 10:46

Also consider that some people have set annual leave. I can't pick mine so I wouldn't be able to attend.

Pensionerpeep · 12/01/2015 10:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ApignamedJasper · 12/01/2015 10:47

Why is a Friday better? Just wondering!

OP posts:
Original poster
ApignamedJasper · 12/01/2015 10:49

Ha I've just checked the Friday of that week is Friday 13th!

OP posts:
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