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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To pick an awkward wedding date?

146 replies

ApignamedJasper · 12/01/2015 09:51

I'm in the very preliminary stages of planning a wedding and just looking around at dates & stuff. One particular date jumps out at me, it's special to me & DP (day we met) and it's in the spring/early summer so could be good weather-wise.

Only trouble is, it's on a Monday :/

This is good for us as it makes it vastly cheaper for venues and whatnot, plus the date we have in mind is in 'wedding season' so we are more likely to be able to book if it's on an 'unpopular' day. Cost is really important as unfortunately we are on a very tight budget.

Possibly not so good for friends and family attending though, my parents & other relatives live quite far away so would need to travel and spend at least one or two nights here before travelling back - realistically I would think that means 2 weekdays off work and I'm not sure if it is U of me to book a date that necessitates this.

Would you go to a wedding on a Monday? Aibu to pick a date that is pretty difficult for people to attend?

OP posts:

FragileBrittleStar · 12/01/2015 11:27

if it was term time not only wouldn't children be able to come but even taking annual leave wouldn't help as someone would need to do childcare/pick up etc.
so for me it would have to be someone I was really close to and then I would not be able to bring DP and DC - which would undermine it for me

Original poster

ApignamedJasper · 12/01/2015 11:27

OP posts:

Original poster

ApignamedJasper · 12/01/2015 11:28

Sorry that ^ was to paperlace

OP posts:

Nicknacky · 12/01/2015 11:30

If it is a really small wedding then why not speak to the guests and find out what their situation is with regard to attending? Presumably as it's a small wedding then it is the people most special to you that you are inviting and their attendance is important to you. Different if you were inviting 200!

Then if there is no problem you can happily book the Monday.

Gwenci · 12/01/2015 11:31

Hi OP. DH and I got married on a Thursday (it was thousands of pounds cheaper than a Saturday!!). We fully prepared ourselves for people declining the invite as it would involve at least one days leave, if not two if people wanted to stay overnight/not travel back late/wanted a few drinks! And we wouldn't have blamed them for it. We made it clear declined invites wouldn't offend as we knew we were being a bit awkward.

Not a single person declined because of the choice of day!! I guess if it's important enough to people they'll make the effort, if they don't maybe you're not missing out by them not being there? I'd take a day off work for a good friend's wedding.

MissBattleaxe · 12/01/2015 11:32

The other thing is that on a Monday most people have work the next day so wouldn't be able to drink or stay late and I think a Monday wedding wouldn't be very relaxed.

If I was invited to a Monday wedding it would be such a nightmare logistically that I would just have to decline and I would be sad about that.

I don't think its worth the £300 you would be saving to have a low turn out and everyone thinking about work the next day.

Lunastarfish · 12/01/2015 11:36

I went to a Thursday wedding, I didn't mind so much as it's fine taking Thursday & Friday off & having a long weekend so Monday/tuesday is the same. Wednesday is an awkward day if you work full time.

But I agree you may find some people have to decline the invitation.

Nicknacky · 12/01/2015 11:37

Gwen it's not about being important enough, some people don't have that flexibility in their jobs. My sil is having a last minute wedding and I knew that if she booked it on a day that I was working them I wouldn't be able to attend no matter how much I wanted to.

ShatnersBassoon · 12/01/2015 11:43

If the price increase for a weekend wedding is only a couple of hundred pounds, would it be worth borrowing the difference just to make life easier for the majority? It could make or break the day for you if lots of people can't attend.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 12/01/2015 11:44

It wouldn't bother me at all but I would be heading back on the same night unless you were hundreds of miles away.
Monday night accommodation costs are usually at a much cheaper rate so at least your guests who have to stay will make a small saving there than on a Friday or a Saturday night.

MadeInChorley · 12/01/2015 11:49

I'm afraid I've hardened my heart to weddings on weekdays. In the old days I would have tried to take time off, but two days annual leave with associated childcare issues and travelling is just too much except for a sibling or perhaps a very close friend. I turned down my cousin's invitation (and I like her very much) for this reason.

Nolim · 12/01/2015 11:50

I also got married on an unusual date because it had sentimental value. It was a small childless weding and i do not regret it at all.

YvesJutteau · 12/01/2015 11:55

"if it's important enough to people they'll make the effort"

If it's not an immediate relative the school isn't going to give my DCs the day off. If they don't have the day off then I can't be several hundred miles away.

A teacher (and some other jobs with no flexibility over leave days) couldn't take the day off no matter how "important" it was. I think they are allowed to take a day off for a close family member's funeral, so I guess if it were "important enough" they could pick the family member they liked least and off them in the hope that the funeral would be the same day as the wedding, but I think it would be harsh to decide that if they weren't prepared to put in the effort to do that you wouldn't be missing out by their not being there.

Blackout234 · 12/01/2015 11:56

Where are your relatives (Have only read first page,mind)

Gwenci · 12/01/2015 11:57

That's a fair point Nicknacky and I totally accept some jobs just aren't flexible but isn't part of the issue about your SIL's wedding the last minute-ness of it? If she'd booked a potentially awkward day but you knew months/a year in advance would you have been able to get cover then? Maybe not I guess but surely most jobs allow people to book holiday days as long as it's far enough in advance? Most, not all, I do accept that.

Annbag · 12/01/2015 12:01

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at the poster's request.

Nicknacky · 12/01/2015 12:02

No she has picked a Saturday which obviously is the most suitable day, I work weekends so that's clearly not her issue! We have 8 weeks notice of the wedding and as I'm in a specialist department within the police then covering it isn't an option. We need a certain level of manpower and if it falls below that then we don't get the time off, which is understandable.

Our bosses are generally good and do what they can. Also doesn't help I will only have been back at work after 15 months maternity leave so can't push my luck lol!

As it is, I'm off the day of the wedding but working the next day.

Gwenci · 12/01/2015 12:05

Actually Yves we had two teachers from two different schools at our wedding!! They knew a year in advance and their schools were very understanding in letting them both take days off. Don't know if they had to take unpaid leave or what the compromise was but they did it. We were extremely grateful as it was lovely to have those people there but if they hadn't been able to make it we'd have understood!

I'm not saying every person who can't make it on a weekday plain doesn't care. Obviously if there's a good reason they can't come that's totally understandable. If they just don't want to 'waste' a days holiday then they're the ones who perhaps aren't as important.

Though totally take your point on childcare issues. We got married at 26 and not a single friend had children. So children in school didn't cross my mind then!

Christelle2207 · 12/01/2015 12:07

Not U given reasonable notice but I think people may not come if they have to travel a long way and take two days off. Also local folk are unlikely to stay late if it's a "school" night. We had a Friday wedding which we thought would be OK given lots of notice, in the end most important people turned up but quite a few didn't (we had a b list so filled up the venue in the end).
My parents got married on a Wednesday but I believe things were different then.

Not nearly as U as getting married abroad and expexting people to take a week off work and pay a fortune.

Littlef00t · 12/01/2015 12:18

Id resent going. To be honest you should be doing it on a shoestring with fewer guests if necessary than causing such inconvenience.

BerniceBroadside · 12/01/2015 12:28

Nothing wrong with picking whatever day you like, as long as the bride & groom to be don't get snotty because lots of people can't make it.

I wouldn't take dc out of school for a wedding. Actually, unless it was very close family/friend AND local I wouldn't go either. Simply don't have enough annual leave to cover school holidays and weddings.

BauerTime · 12/01/2015 12:46

I don't actually have a problem with taking annual leave, travelling, arranging childcare etc to attend weddings.

I do have a problem with the statement 'it's so much cheaper to do x' when those savings are passed on to guests as extra cost.

We've actually fallen out with a family member who got married in Mexico when I was on maternity leave. as a result we couldn't afford to go/didn't want to take a 6mo on a long flight to a country where it was 40 degrees. The family member was quite honest about the fact that they were getting married that way as it worked out 'much cheaper'. But what they refused to acknowledge was that their costs for wedding and honeymoon was the same as what it would have cost DH, DS and I to go. They won't speak to us now as apparently we are selfish

MissBattleaxe · 12/01/2015 13:08

I guess if it's important enough to people they'll make the effort, if they don't maybe you're not missing out by them not being there?

You see, I think that's the wrong attitude. It may be nothing to do with how important the bride or groom is, but it may be everything to do with job security, lack of child care, lack of money, nobody to collect the kids from school on a Monday, no paid leave if you're contracting or a temp, can't even get the day off in the first place...

It's selfish for a bride and groom to assume they are being snubbed because mountains cannot be moved to attend their wedding. Guests shouldn't have to suffer in order to attend.

MissBattleaxe · 12/01/2015 13:11

BauerTime that's appalling treatment. It's like asking you to subsidise their wedding and being huffy when you can't.

Some couples beggar belief. It's only a wedding! I sometimes think couples lose sight of why they are marrying and instead see it as a test of who likes them the most.

youmakemydreams · 12/01/2015 13:19

To whoever said that hotels are cheaper on a
Monday. I find the complete opposite actually. Monday to Thursday night is often considerably more expensive to stay overnight as they get a lot of business travellers staying. Weekends can often be far far cheaper.
I'm afraid that however important you were to me I just might ntake it. Dp could get the time off quite easily but I couldn't take dc out of school and couldn't leave them behind. I don't work full time but on the same token don't get aid if I don't do work. So if I got offered some work I would have to take it I can't afford not to for one day never mind lose two days.

I'm getting arrived this year and we are in a really tight budget as well. For a split second I did consider a weekday but for dp's family especially it would just be too much a logistical nightmare for a lot of them. I'm afraid we just sucked it up picked carefully for the guest list and went for a Saturday somewhere that didn't charge seasonally

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