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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To pick an awkward wedding date?

146 replies

ApignamedJasper · 12/01/2015 09:51

I'm in the very preliminary stages of planning a wedding and just looking around at dates & stuff. One particular date jumps out at me, it's special to me & DP (day we met) and it's in the spring/early summer so could be good weather-wise.

Only trouble is, it's on a Monday :/

This is good for us as it makes it vastly cheaper for venues and whatnot, plus the date we have in mind is in 'wedding season' so we are more likely to be able to book if it's on an 'unpopular' day. Cost is really important as unfortunately we are on a very tight budget.

Possibly not so good for friends and family attending though, my parents & other relatives live quite far away so would need to travel and spend at least one or two nights here before travelling back - realistically I would think that means 2 weekdays off work and I'm not sure if it is U of me to book a date that necessitates this.

Would you go to a wedding on a Monday? Aibu to pick a date that is pretty difficult for people to attend?

OP posts:

EEvans · 12/01/2015 19:54

I don't think you are being unreasonable, get married on what ever day you want

What would be unreasonable would be to get all huffy if people said they couldn't come because it was a Monday.

You've got to expect and accept some people won't be able to come.

If you're fine with that, do it. If not, change it.

I got married on a Thursday but lots of my friends are teachers (it was the summer holiday) and a lot of our family members are old enough to be retired. I knew it would therefore be fine. If I'd thought lots of people wouldn't come I would have changed it.

CruCru · 12/01/2015 20:11

I have been to a Monday wedding and it was lovely. However, we are very close to the couple and only had to take the afternoon off work and went to work hungover on the Tuesday.

I'm not convinced that a Monday wedding is less convenient than a Sunday one. On Sunday the trains (near me) have engineering works and you still have the Oh God, we have work tomorrow at the back of your mind. I once had a bride get very funny with me and an old boyfriend (her cousin) when we left her Sunday wedding early (we had to get from Brighton to Newcastle for work the next day).

If it's the right day for you, go ahead. Be gracious to those who can't come or need to leave early.

Yambabe · 12/01/2015 20:15

I got married on a Monday, but we only wanted a small wedding with our adult children and DH's dad present at the actual ceremony.

We then had a big party for other friends and family at a local sports hall the following Saturday.

MinceSpy · 12/01/2015 20:18

If you are okay and it sounds as though you are, with some people having to decline then go with the date that suits you and your fiancé. If you were my friend I'd be happy to take a day off.

fishinabarrell · 12/01/2015 20:52

Yanbu to do what you want. Ywbu to expect people to give up two days annual leave even with years notice.

If people want to and can come then they will but expect declines. Or perhaps ask them first to get an idea how many would come. For close friend or close family I would try, not for anyone else.

ExitPursuedByABear · 12/01/2015 20:55

I think I got married on a Monday.

But we didn't invite anyone.

gallicgirl · 12/01/2015 21:14

We're planning a small wedding and we have no option but to get married in the week as the venue we like reserves the weekends for large weddings as they make more money that way. We've tagged the wedding onto a bank holiday in the hope it helps people to travel where necessary.

Have you checked if the registrar is available? The latest appointment our registrar offers is 3.30 which might not suit you if you want your children to attend.

Original poster

ApignamedJasper · 12/01/2015 22:58

Arrg I did check the registrar but can't remember now, I think they were available until 5?

I would totally understand if people couldn't attend, no bridezilla here :)

I guess I will just have to see how much we can save and see whether or not it would be better on that monday or the weekend closer to the time.

Slightly upset about some people's comments about a second wedding though. Is a second wedding less meaningful? Less importnant? ExH was an abusive, lazy arsehole, I wasted too many years of my life being his slave & hoping he would change. DP is so different and I wish he was my first wedding :(

OP posts:

LineRunner · 12/01/2015 23:59

Yves

Thumbwitch · 13/01/2015 02:44

Apig - I know this isn't a popular view, and probably not shared by most people, but yes, I would probably view a second wedding as, not less important as such, but something I wouldn't put myself out quite so much to attend as a first wedding, unless I hadn't been to the first wedding. Doesn't mean I wouldn't go at all - but if it was difficult to go to, I probably would decline the invitation. Sorry, I bet you're glad I'm not one of your friends now, eh. :(

ChippingInLatteLover · 13/01/2015 04:03

Monday wedding?!

...I think not.

Not if you actually want to celebrate.

Monday is a miserable day, a doing day, a day to go to work, start a diet, complain about the grind of it all.

Monday does not say celebrate.

Second marriages, or rather marriages of two older people with children, are different to a young couple just starting out...loves young dream. Just as important, but the marriage is important, more so than the wedding IMO.

fortheloveofmike · 13/01/2015 04:39

I got married midweek around 200 miles away from where we ive. All my friends and family around 30 of them booked time off and stayed with us for a couple of days. It was lovely, plus in school hols and children were invited. They all saw it as a mini break. Hope you sort it out

MokunMokun · 13/01/2015 04:47

With the utmost respect you are asking the wrong people. Just talk to your family and ask them what they think. If they are fine with it then no problem.

Thumbwitch · 13/01/2015 04:51

Mokun, I have to say that is the most sensible post on this thread!

Sceptimum · 13/01/2015 04:57

I see why it's tempting, but I'd say no unless it was immediate family and even then it would be a bit annoying. It would be too difficult to coord time off and childcare. And my husband, who is far less fond of a good wedding than I am, would be incredibly unimpressed.

I wouldn't. I'd save the bit extra for a weekend do. But you know your own budget and options best.

RojaGato · 13/01/2015 05:37

YANBU to consider this

I would talk to the relevant family members first, see if it is something they are able to do.

Also, expect a lower turnout (which might help with overall cost too).

Perhaps also consider a party/gathering one weekend subsequent to the wedding for people who can't make the ceremony itself (perhaos in school holidays even), perhaps at at your house or the house of a friend or relative, even a trip to the pub with friends/colleagues who can't make it due to number of holidays left/inability to take a Monday off at all. That means that people who want to celebrate with you but genuinely can;t make it have another chance.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 13/01/2015 07:16

Because the day after is not usually a working day!

Ememem84 · 13/01/2015 07:55

Totally understand your thinking. We thought about a weekday wedding but my sister (a teacher) was denied time off. It was important to me that she was there so we did a Saturday instead.

We also married late 4pm as family chose to travel over on actual weddin day. Some arrived straight from boat/airport - didn't care they weren't dressed up just pleased teu made it.

Our venue also counted Friday as a weekend. And doubled it's prices for weekends.

If you could think about weekend, can you see if someone's booked a do on the Friday? And share the cost of te hire with them?

We had to hire marquee (hate these but were told marquee or no wedding) tables and chairs. I managed to contact Friday bride who agreed to go halves on costs of things we both had to have (even agreed on decorations for reception room similar colour scheme etc). Kept cost down.

Saying that, if the date is special to you and you know the inportant people will be there, then why not a Monday afternoon. Could you have wedding then people with kids could join you for food after? So no issues with time out I school?

Ragwort · 13/01/2015 11:46

I tend to agree with Thumb about second weddings (and yes, I have been married twice ). I personally didn't want a big celebratory occasion for my second wedding as I was conscious that .......... well, I'd been through it all before . My second wedding was very, very low key (a couple of witnesses in the register office and a small lunch afterwards) we didn't even include all our siblings.

I am not particularly enthused about going to 'second' weddings, we did go to one recently which was so over the top and I couldn't help but think about the first wedding we'd been to (it was the groom re-marrying) - my DH had been best man at the first wedding and was asked to be best man again - the groom was actually offended when DH politely declined. Call me cynical but I just don't enjoy watching a bride ponce around in a white dress for the third time.

CSIJanner · 13/01/2015 11:53

Ahem.... I got married on Friday the 13th. DH made a big deal of my being superstitious and TBH I wasn't too impressed at first. But then the 30%-ish discounts did make it worth it. Might be worth considering. Just negotiate.

Original poster

ApignamedJasper · 13/01/2015 16:39

Good point CSI, I'm not superstitious at all so really wouldn't care if it was Friday 13th, especially if I could get a discount :D

Ragwort I am conscious that I've been through it all before but I'm also conscious of the fact that DP hasn't and I want the day to be special for him too (sickly sweet emotion). My DF got re-married to my DM who he is still married to over 30 years later! I think he would have been upset if his best friend had turned down being his best man because he was unlucky enough to have a previous wife who cheated on him :/

OP posts:

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