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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pick an awkward wedding date?

146 replies

ApignamedJasper · 12/01/2015 09:51

I'm in the very preliminary stages of planning a wedding and just looking around at dates & stuff. One particular date jumps out at me, it's special to me & DP (day we met) and it's in the spring/early summer so could be good weather-wise.

Only trouble is, it's on a Monday :/

This is good for us as it makes it vastly cheaper for venues and whatnot, plus the date we have in mind is in 'wedding season' so we are more likely to be able to book if it's on an 'unpopular' day. Cost is really important as unfortunately we are on a very tight budget.

Possibly not so good for friends and family attending though, my parents & other relatives live quite far away so would need to travel and spend at least one or two nights here before travelling back - realistically I would think that means 2 weekdays off work and I'm not sure if it is U of me to book a date that necessitates this.

Would you go to a wedding on a Monday? Aibu to pick a date that is pretty difficult for people to attend?

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 12/01/2015 10:50

Because people would only have to take one days leave, as long as they don't work weekends.

Pensionerpeep · 12/01/2015 10:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YoniMitchell · 12/01/2015 10:52

Holiday entitlements are the same each year, generally speaking. I wouldn't want to use a day or two for a wedding regardless of whether it's this year or next. Sorry OP.

I see you're trying to make it work but you might just be adding complications (eg trying to fit it in after school).

Writerwannabe83 · 12/01/2015 10:52

It's a case how much the date means to you versus how much you want family and friends to be able to attend.

When we booked our wedding DH and I agreed that it would have to be on a Saturday.

However, seeing as you also have financial reasons for choosing a week day then I hope friends and family would be understanding.

Ragwort · 12/01/2015 10:56

If £300 really is a big difference and you are talking about saving for another year then I would suggest, as gently as possible, that you scale back your idea of a 'dream' wedding. Weddings absolutely don't have to be so expensive and such a 'big deal' - can you not get married quietly and have a simple party afterwards - village halls are usually very reasonable and you can ask guests to contribute food and drink instead of gifts.

I personally wouldn't go to a wedding if it meant taking my child out of school - or making complicated arrangements to have them looked after instead.

toofarfromcivilisation · 12/01/2015 10:56

Couldn't you have a Saturday wedding, recover on the Sunday and then jet off on Honeymoon on your 'special' day?

Original poster
ApignamedJasper · 12/01/2015 11:02

Ragwort it won't be a big fancy do, the venue I'm planning is a beachside pub!

I've been married before so I don't feel a huge fancy wedding is appropriate :/

OP posts:
MidniteScribbler · 12/01/2015 11:02

I wouldn't take a day off work for a wedding. I don't think people should expect someone to take a day off their holiday (or a day unpaid) just to watch them get married.

YoniMitchell · 12/01/2015 11:03

Can you just get married in a register office then hold a party (not an official 'wedding') at the pub a few days later to celebrate? Would that be cheaper?

YoniMitchell · 12/01/2015 11:04

'Get married in a register office' - of course I mean just you and your HTB, with a couple of witnesses.

Ragwort · 12/01/2015 11:04

If it is a beachside pub does it have to be formally booked as a 'wedding' do - do you want the actual wedding at the pub or could you just book a meal there without mentioning the wedding word.

My (second) wedding was just three guests at the registry office and lunch for seven Grin.

RiverTam · 12/01/2015 11:05

I wouldn't, unless it was my sister.

Can't you do something cheaper? We had small do in registry office (so just standard fee), lunch with the 2 friends that came to registry office, and then party for all and sundry back at ours.

purpleteapig · 12/01/2015 11:06

How about making it a bank holiday Monday? We did this in May; it was cheaper than Saturday/Sunday and it meant that guests who wanted to stay only had to take one day off.

ilovesooty · 12/01/2015 11:06

I must admit I wouldn't give up a day of annual leave to go to a wedding either.

QuintlessShadows · 12/01/2015 11:07

Not taking two days off to a small wedding at a beachside pub, sorry.

If the actual date is more important than your friends and family, I suggest you only invite your parents and siblings (who would be offended if you eloped) and leave it at that.

paperlace · 12/01/2015 11:09

Op it wouldn't make any difference to me if it was 2016 - it's still a day of annual leave. I work FT and my 25 days leave are for spending time with my three dc - and that only.

I think your wedding sounds gorgeous btw - beachside pub is fab Smile

Mrsjayy · 12/01/2015 11:10

I got married on a friday guests came it was fine as long as your sure your close family and friends will come then do it a wedding Invite is just that an invite not a summons if people can't go then thats fine too

paperlace · 12/01/2015 11:13

And there are several other ways you could save money - less guests, buffet instead of sit down dinner, fish and chips instead of posher grub, ask the venue they might have ideas. You could save money by buying very cheapo rings and upgrading in a few years, get your dress second hand ('vintage'!) etc etc etc. I'm sure you've thought of all of that though!

yellowdinosauragain · 12/01/2015 11:13

I think ragwort has the right idea. Registry office wedding on a Saturday morning / mid afternoon then book the pub for a lunch / early evening dinner 'party'. Don't underestimate the amount the word 'wedding' adds onto the price.

I know someone who booked a hotel for a meeting, got all the detail agreed, then said it was a wedding. They blustered and tried to back track but had no answer to her question 'tell me why it costs more than what we've agreed given that all the details are unchanged?' and had to go along with it.

That's assuming that the real reason for the Monday is the cost rather than the significance of the date. Given that reading your later posts you've not mentioned this again so it kind of feels like you were using this as an excuse to justify the cheaper date (nothing wrong with that) rather than the real reason...

Quenelle · 12/01/2015 11:15

I wouldn't give up one or two days of AL for a wedding of someone who isn't close to me.

If it were someone close and I had to travel, I probably wouldn't be able to go because it would mean taking DS out of school or not taking him and finding two days of childcare.

Original poster
ApignamedJasper · 12/01/2015 11:18

I did check that ragwort, as if was thinking if i booked it as a 'function room' rather than a wedding it might be cheaper but unfortunately it's the same.

Bank holidays sky rocket the price astronomically purple!

Quintless at the moment it's more the cost of weekday vs weekend, the actual date would be nice but isn't 100% important, the costs more than double on weekends (apparently their weekends include Friday, just checked!)

OP posts:
Original poster
ApignamedJasper · 12/01/2015 11:19

Yes to all paperlace!

OP posts:
yellowdinosauragain · 12/01/2015 11:22

If it's a small wedding though so you have to book their function room at all or could you not book a meal in the pub itself?

paperlace · 12/01/2015 11:23

Ha sorry I'll shut up now! Wink

CaptainHammer · 12/01/2015 11:25

We married on a Monday. It was a particularly special date that we wanted. We were similar in that it was a small wedding, everyone we really wanted to be there we knew would be happy to take time off or was self employed/retired!
My husband and I both work weekends so we have to use annual leave for weddings too.
We didn't originally do it on a Monday for the cost but it did work out a heck of a lot cheaper!

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