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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pick an awkward wedding date?

146 replies

ApignamedJasper · 12/01/2015 09:51

I'm in the very preliminary stages of planning a wedding and just looking around at dates & stuff. One particular date jumps out at me, it's special to me & DP (day we met) and it's in the spring/early summer so could be good weather-wise.

Only trouble is, it's on a Monday :/

This is good for us as it makes it vastly cheaper for venues and whatnot, plus the date we have in mind is in 'wedding season' so we are more likely to be able to book if it's on an 'unpopular' day. Cost is really important as unfortunately we are on a very tight budget.

Possibly not so good for friends and family attending though, my parents & other relatives live quite far away so would need to travel and spend at least one or two nights here before travelling back - realistically I would think that means 2 weekdays off work and I'm not sure if it is U of me to book a date that necessitates this.

Would you go to a wedding on a Monday? Aibu to pick a date that is pretty difficult for people to attend?

OP posts:
Ragwort · 12/01/2015 13:21

Why do so many hosts get hissy if their family/friends turn down an invitation?

The bride and groom should remember that it is only an 'invitation' not a summons (as has been said many times on Mumsnet Grin).

As a guest you shouldn't feel obliged to have to give an explanation if you turn down an invitation, surely a 'thank you very much but regret we won't be able to come, hope you have a lovely day' should be sufficient?

My parents are in the ridiculous situation of having received an invitation to a distant relative's wedding; I am sure the bride and groom don't really want my elderly parents at the wedding, (none of them would recognise each other if they met 'in the street'). My parents don't want to go but feel obliged to 'accept' the invitation. No doubt it will all cost a lot of money for everyone concerned. Weddings are so full of angst, why can't everyone just elope. Grin.

Gwenci · 12/01/2015 13:26

Ahh, Battleaxe, that's exactly the phrase you used to me on my post on another thread about a wedding! I guess we have very different attitudes! Smile

Though if you read my other posts, I at no point suggest I'd be sniffy or pissed off or have felt snubbed if people couldn't attend - I made it very clear that we would have completely understood if people couldn't come as we knew we were potentially being awkward.

I think that's my point really - have it whatever day you choose but be prepared for people being being unable to come and don't be arsey about it. If you think it'd make you arsey, pay the extra to have it on a more 'do-able' day, ie a Saturday.

(Though as other people have said, weekends aren't always better for people!! Lots of people work weekends. I think that's the issue with weddings, you can never accommodate everyone so do what works for you and the majority, and hope for the best.)

Nicknacky · 12/01/2015 13:42

It's a balancing act, isn't it? Between the bride and groom having the day they want when they want, but also considering the best option for guests.

While I get "it's a invitation, not a summons", usually when you are invited it's because they want you there and generally, you want to see people that matter to you get married.

I would be upset if a couple deliberately made things awkward for guests to attend as it comes across that they aren't bothered if friends and family can make it, and if my main reason for not being able to attend was because they made it awkward, then yeah, it would bug me. Especially if it was only £300 more to have it on a day that for the majority of guests would make it easier!

MissBattleaxe · 12/01/2015 13:45

Hi Gwenci! I do get quite opinionated about weddings so take no notice of my grumpy ways! Smile

It came across clearly in your post that you weren't at all sniffy about guests not making it to your wedding, so my issue wasn't with that but I was just speaking up for the people who really can't make it without some adversity.

Sometimes, no matter how much you like the bride and groom, it's just not possible to go and I wouldn't agree that the ones who can't make it are not worth bothering about. They probably feel bad enough about not being able to.

expatinscotland · 12/01/2015 13:46

You seem bent on getting validation for what you want to do, I mean, £300, and it's a year away! C'mon. It's a second wedding, you cannot seriously expect people to take two days annual leave to go to a second wedding miles away in a beachside pub. Do whatever you want, but accept it's really putting people out, they won't be happy and may not come.

Pumpkinette · 12/01/2015 14:10

I would say if you have enough time to save up the extra money then go for the weekend rather than the Monday.

Mondays are impractical for most people. If you don't mind a low turn out then go for the Monday, if you want lots of people (or the majority you invite) to attend then go for a weekend date.

Coincidently DH and I have just been invited to a wedding reception on a Monday night. We are going as it's one of DHs closest friends - family only wedding and small group of friends for reception.

The fact it's a Monday is a pain. My mum is taking DD overnight and to school the next day - luckily she doesn't work Tuesdays. I will have to leave straight from work to the wedding as not enough time to get home first and day off not feasible as I'm contracting. We will have to leave early and won't be drinking much as both working the next day.

Weekend date would be much easier and enjoyable - I wouldn't have to clock watch to make sure I leave at a sensible time.

SignoraLiviaBurlando · 12/01/2015 14:12

We have upset family by refusing (politely, and giving reasons) invitations to events that are really difficult for us, and have endured months of silent treatment as a result. (Years in the case of my SIL who was annoyed I could not attend my niece's 10th b'day party in France.My mother is not so brave - she will suffer any inconvenience or expense so as not to risk upsetting anyone. Are your guests more likely to be like me or my DM?

Pico2 · 12/01/2015 14:18

I would rather give you £50 or £100 as your wedding present towards the £300 than all have to take 2 days off to attend your wedding.

You are passing the cost on to your guests.

We got married on a Sunday, but deliberately had a lunchtime event so that people didn't have to take time off work or pay for accommodation.

manchestermummy · 12/01/2015 14:21

I know of a family wedding that will take place on a weekday. Not sure we'll be invited, but I'm quite hoping we won't so we won't have to decline and face the wrath of the family: I am not prepared to take the dc out of school. I would feel this way regardless of whether or not term-time absences were permitted. Leave besides actual holidays away from home or to cover the school holidays or illnesses is a seldom-used luxury.

I'm hoping that if we are invited, it will be to the evening do only, which we of course will be happy to attend.

Having said that YANBU to book your wedding when is best for you, the couple. I would check that 'key' people know about the proposed date though.

PeachyTheSanctiMoanyArse · 12/01/2015 14:33

It is entirely up to you, and it's not true that Mondays are always worse than weekends anyway- for the years I nursed, Monday was my day off.

I am firmly in the 'as long as you are not offended by people who can't make it, go for it' camp; enclosing a note explaining why you chose it (day you met / cost) and that you understand if people can't make it would be fine

Thumbwitch · 12/01/2015 14:34

I had a Friday wedding, and tbh I do think it was better than a Monday one, because people could use the weekend afterwards to recover if necessary (not many needed to!) and relax. Whereas a Monday, it would be a scramble to be back to work the next day, or they'd need to take 2 days off.

I had a couple of teachers and a couple of police people at my wedding - I was very lucky that they were able to book the time off (and very grateful to them for doing so).

Chunderella · 12/01/2015 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThePartyArtist · 12/01/2015 14:52

Why not have the wedding on a weekend when more people will be able to attend, and incorporate the special Monday date into your honeymoon?

BauerTime · 12/01/2015 15:02

You try telling them that missbattleaxe! I think with them it is a case if refusing to believe that they aren't the centre of the universe.

Weddings are hassle for everyone. Fact. Whether it's money, logistics or anything else there is always something. Because I am so perfect Grin one of the main considerations for me when planning was that it was as painless as possible for everyone to attend. So it was a Saturday, local to most guests, paid bar, transport between registry office and reception provided etc. BUT We had no kids there so even doing all of the above, it would have still been hassle for some guests.

You will never be able to please everyone and I'm 100% behind people having the wedding that THEY want. You don't have to accommodate everyone's individual circumstances (and you can't). But if you already know that what you are planning will be a pain in the arse then why bother? You will just have months of stress fielding calls from complaining relatives and adjusting tour plans to suit others.

Leeds2 · 12/01/2015 16:49

I have only been to one midweek wedding (Thursday), and I know that the bride and groom were disappointed that a lot of the guests left the evening event early because they had to get up for work on the Friday. I would say the place was nearly empty at 11, and those with young children who had school the next day left much earlier. Maybe something to think about.

I would have no problem with attending a Monday wedding myself, but I would not take DD out of school if the date was in term time (and would have to leave to go and pick her up if it was), and also couldn't guarantee that OH could get time off work.

Indantherene · 12/01/2015 17:42

We had a close family wedding on a Monday last summer. I think there were all of 20 people there (60 invited).

muminhants · 12/01/2015 17:54

I'd take time off work for a wedding. The problem for me would be school but if you are not inviting people with school-aged children, then it shouldn't be an issue.

However not everyone can take leave when they like (even if they ask for it really early) so as others have said you'll have to accept a lower turnout.

To be honest even a Saturday wedding can be difficult for teachers if they are some distance away. One of my cousins couldn't attend mine, and a teacher friend only decided at the last minute to come because she was able to get a lift (choosing my wedding over her cousin's).

SnowWhiteAteTheApple · 12/01/2015 17:54

Didn't realise it was a second wedding in a pub, there's even less chance I would be willing to give up annual leave for that.

It's months away, save the extra £300 and do on a weekend when guests can come, nobody needs miss school etc.

LineRunner · 12/01/2015 18:00

When I got married (didn't work out but his loss) we fucked off to a hotel for the night - his family's present to us - and let everyone who wanted to stay in our flat.

I know you want it on a Monday, but a Sunday afternoon would work too as you two can stay up till midnight ...

maninawomansworld · 12/01/2015 18:20

YANBU to organise a wedding for an awkward day / date but YWBVU to then get all offended / grumpy if people can't come or simply decide not to.
A Monday is very awkward as for many people it would probably mean also potentially taking the Tuesday off work too.

Most people have weddings on a weekend for a reason.

YvesJutteau · 12/01/2015 18:40

I am enjoying how LineRunner's post shows up in Threads I'm On as "When I got married (didn't work out but his loss) we fucked"

Annbag · 12/01/2015 18:52

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at the poster's request.

PrincessOfThemyscira · 12/01/2015 19:02

I got married on a Friday. Sorted the wheat from the chaff, IYKWIM! We invited all the just we had to invite MILs 2nd cousin twice removed etc but only those who really wanted to be there came.
A Friday wedding meant our guests made a long weekend of it, and many met up again on the Saturday and Sunday. It was a bit of a mini-break. But I think that would be a bit weird for a Monday wedding, all the socialising happening before the wedding.

WooWooOwl · 12/01/2015 19:17

Don't do it OP!

I think it has the potential to completely change the tone of your wedding. Some people will come, but they won't be in the same frame of mind if they have to go back to work the next day.

If it has to be a weekday then a Friday would be much better.

WyrdByrd · 12/01/2015 19:50

I think it's fine providing you give plenty of notice & you're not going to have a fit of the bridezillas if some people can't make it.

Fwiw hotels ate usually cheaper on Sunday/Monday night's than at weekends so that's one bonus for your guests.

Maybe make it late afternoon so people can take a half day?