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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I just need some perspective

481 replies

babynamechange · 11/01/2015 23:25

There's a huge backstory to this...but basically I'm asking the question so Im sure I'm not overreacting before I do anything...
To cut a very long story short I have had concerns about my DS having contact with his father due inappropriate touching and emotional abuse etc. DS is currently being seen by a SW about this. It has been a huge struggle to actually get someone to listen, but someone is now seeing him, although i don't know when he will be spoken to again.

DS has just come in to tell me he wants to tell me something but doesn't want to say it. Anyway he said his dad has been taking photos of him while he's on the toilet (he doesn't normally take photos generally). DS said he really didn't like this. I know he would have been really upset as he doesn't like anyone even in the vicinity when he's doing a poo. He's six.

I know or rather I think I must be asking the blatantly obvious, but is this in any world ok :( x

OP posts:
magoria · 31/01/2015 15:15

Fabulous news that this is finally being taken seriously.

That guardian and judge need to be struck off for allowing abuse to continue.

Do the school know it is police and sw demanding no contact so he is safe?

Definetely straight to them all with the threateningtexts.

Hopefully this is the start of the end for your poor boy.

RunningKatie · 31/01/2015 15:15

I've just seen this, I am so sorry that this has continued for you and your ds. I had hoped that all was resolved as I'd not seen you post in the other place for a long time.

I hope the suspension of contact continues. Is your ds aware that he hasn't got to go?

Sending you lots of strength,

Aeroflotgirl · 31/01/2015 15:23

The more aggressive, the better, it would be totally worrying and concerning, if he was totally compliant and cooperative. This us his standard response when he is threatened or loosing control. My psychology qualifications are coming into play Smile.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/01/2015 15:42

Disclaimer I am only partially qualified, not fully in Psychology, but understand a thing or two Smile

Original poster
babynamechange · 31/01/2015 18:20

The SW spoke to the school last week to tell them he wasn't to take DS so the school know that it's them stopping contact.

I've no idea whether he actually phoned the school yesterday or not? x

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Aeroflotgirl · 31/01/2015 18:24

Baby don't worry, he is just sprouting off, this is the standard response I would expect from him. If he was cooperative, I would be extremly worried.

Ohfourfoxache · 31/01/2015 19:27

God he really is thick, isn't he?

Completely agree with others - he's losing control, he doesn't like it and he's getting angry and aggressive. It ain't doing him any favours. He cannot manipulate the SW and the school and the Police in the same was that he manipulated the other one - was it the guardian? She was as thick as soup as well.

Aeorflot is right - keep all the texts etc - actually, could you take a screen shot or something but forward it to the SW and inform the school? May or may not be a good idea - may be best to ask wiser MNetters about this.

He's utterly pathetic, so he may not have called the school. I hope he did though - the more people who see him for what he is the better.

Original poster
babynamechange · 31/01/2015 19:34

I'll definitely keep the texts and let the SW know... Not sure who he spoke to in SS as the SW dealing with it has been on leave this week?

I think as far as he's concerned no one is going to tell him what he can and can't do and that he'll do as he pleases basically...regardless.

Yes it was the guardian x

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Aeroflotgirl · 31/01/2015 19:42

Ohfox ex never manipulated anybody, he was himself in court and to the guardian. They in the rush to get ds contact with his father and paint baby as the manipulative mother did this. Both judge and guardian are of dubious characters, I'd baby had a different judge and guardian, she would not be in this position, her barrister told her that too. The Police and the SW will be taking this case on totally objectively, and will hopefully follow correct procedures and protocol, and actually take the evidence in front of them seriously.

I hope they find all the evidence they need against this fecker.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/01/2015 19:45

Well baby he's going to not like it is he, he has been indulged far too much by the judge and guardian letting him do as he pleases. He's in for a nasty shock Grin. Being it on I say, let SW and Police see him at his absolute worse.

Ohfourfoxache · 31/01/2015 20:05

Meant that he must have manipulated the guardian to an extent - stupid woman (and the judge) not only took his side, but the guardian actively stood up for him in the face of all evidence that they shouldn't. They aren't the actions of a person who can see what a nasty fucking scumbag he is?

Actually what I can't understand is that, even after his outburst in court, that they were both so willing to allow access to continue? I mean, no one in their right mind could allow such unfettered access when he was such an aggressive, abusive arsehole?

Both the judge and the guardian should be sacked and prosecuted for this. Utterly abhorrent Sad

Original poster
babynamechange · 31/01/2015 20:06

No he definitely manipulated the guardian. He can be very charming when he wants to be. Even in court, although he came across as pretty nasty, I think he also played the stupid card very well which is why he got away with it the way he did x

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Ohfourfoxache · 31/01/2015 20:08

His charm and his luck have run out, Baby - all he has now is his stupidity x

Aeroflotgirl · 31/01/2015 20:10

Oh gosh it sounds as though he is very aggressive and nasty at the moment, that's a good thing, he was aggressive to the SW, good, I hope that Pollice and SW get the full measure of him, I don't think they will be so maluable and easily taken in by his erm charm.

Original poster
babynamechange · 31/01/2015 20:15

There are so many examples but this is just one..
He had been ordered to pay £300pcm child support by another judge. He pays absolutely nothing and also doesn't pay any tax (doesn't exist as far as IR are concerned). The judge is well aware of this. In court he wrote this lengthy piece for the court about how he earns 'hansum' sums in every season and has no 'quarms' about securing high income contracts etc etc, and that the judge (who had written the order about the child support which everyone is aware of) said he didn't have to pay 'nofink'...

Work that one out...
But that's what he did, repeatedly lied about stuff that everyone knew the truth about. Just bizarre

OP posts:
Original poster
babynamechange · 31/01/2015 20:16

Ah I hope so. I just think he feels untouchable atm x

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Ohfourfoxache · 31/01/2015 20:20
Shock

Fucking hell Shock

Erm, yeah - there aren't any words for that Shock

Aeroflotgirl · 31/01/2015 20:20

Oh my god baby, he is really something isen't he, I can tell he graduated from a RG university Wink. Yes his luck has certainly run out, and this is why you are getting those angry texts. Ignore them and pass them onto the SW and Police. Oh yes, I am sorry he did manipulate the guardian with his charm, she was totally sucked in, feather of the same stick together I see.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/01/2015 20:25

I would be tempted and would give him a final kick in the balls whilst he is down, and tip off the Inland Revenue with what you know.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/01/2015 20:28

Do it, whilst the investigation is on, so the court and the G are out of the picture.

CrapBag · 31/01/2015 20:28

Bloody hell. I hope they do find something so your poor DS never has to go back to this utter waste of oxygen and skin.

He's definitely panicking. After getting away with it for so long and manipulating everyone he's starting to realise the 'game is up'.

EdSheeran · 31/01/2015 20:42

I remember your previous threads. The system can be so fucked up sometimes. It's better for a child's long term welfare to be overly cautious and prevent contact while investigations happen, than let a child be sent to stay with an abusive parent.

I am so sad for you and your little boy. For both your sakes, I hope they move quickly, find evidence so that vile piece of filth never has access to your child again.

Jux · 31/01/2015 21:45

If they suspend contact for as long as they are investigating, then I hope they take years.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/01/2015 22:02

He might try and drum up support from his old friend, the G.

Original poster
babynamechange · 31/01/2015 22:06

Thanks so much for all your support.
It's just crossed my mind that this latest 'I'm having him and nothing is stopping me' attitude might push SS into formally stopping contact for the time bring with an actual court order. At the minute it's just on their say so...
... or that might be wishful thinking? Not completely sure how it works x

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