Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I just need some perspective

481 replies

babynamechange · 11/01/2015 23:25

There's a huge backstory to this...but basically I'm asking the question so Im sure I'm not overreacting before I do anything...
To cut a very long story short I have had concerns about my DS having contact with his father due inappropriate touching and emotional abuse etc. DS is currently being seen by a SW about this. It has been a huge struggle to actually get someone to listen, but someone is now seeing him, although i don't know when he will be spoken to again.

DS has just come in to tell me he wants to tell me something but doesn't want to say it. Anyway he said his dad has been taking photos of him while he's on the toilet (he doesn't normally take photos generally). DS said he really didn't like this. I know he would have been really upset as he doesn't like anyone even in the vicinity when he's doing a poo. He's six.

I know or rather I think I must be asking the blatantly obvious, but is this in any world ok :( x

OP posts:
Original poster
babynamechange · 30/01/2015 21:52

Thanks breakOut
I don't know what will happen wrt being able to charge him. None of them have come across anything like this and so there's no precedent that I'm aware of. Also I think it depends on his phone as to whether they can retrieve deleted data. I think with the newer ones it's fairly straight forward, assuming they would want to..

OP posts:
Original poster
babynamechange · 30/01/2015 21:53

Thanks confusedandemployed x

OP posts:
Andro · 30/01/2015 23:12

Hallelujah! Thank God someone is now taking you seriously.

Ohfourfoxache · 31/01/2015 00:03

Oh my fucking god that's FANTASTIC news! Finally someone is taking you and your beautiful son seriously.

Is he (arsehole) aware of an investigation? Assume he's aware of something as contact has been suspended, hope he hasn't been in contact with you or bothering you in any way xx

Beautifulbabyboy · 31/01/2015 07:26

Fab fab fab news. :-))) fingers crossed the end of this nightmare is in sight....

Beautifulbabyboy · 31/01/2015 07:27

When it is over, I would be so tempted to write to the judge...

OliviaBenson · 31/01/2015 07:30

That is amazing news. I hope they can use this to finally charge your ex. I hope you and your ds have a peaceful weekend.

ChippingInLatteLover · 31/01/2015 08:48

Fingers crossed that they can prove what DS has said and find that enough for you to keep DS away from him, but no more x

Original poster
babynamechange · 31/01/2015 09:03

Thanks so much to everyone x
Ohfourfoxache the SW phoned him to tell him not to pick DS up from school and he told her he was coming anyway and that 'DS had better be there'... so he was told that DS wasn't going to be in school that day.. But what he's been told now I don't know?

OP posts:
Osmiornica · 31/01/2015 09:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
babynamechange · 31/01/2015 10:04

Thank you. It depends on whether they can charge him with anything x

OP posts:
DeliciousMonster · 31/01/2015 11:52

BNC - thank goodness he showed some element of aggression with the SW. So glad they are taking heed after all this time.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/01/2015 11:54

Oh thank god for that, fantastic baby, I am so pleased Flowers. Hopefully this is the beginning of the end for you and your gorgeous little boy. You are so brave and wonderful and so is your little boy too Smile

Aeroflotgirl · 31/01/2015 11:57

Yes I read your further updates, yes it is good that he was aggressive to the SW. Also now that ds has reported it, even if they don't charge him for anything, the nature of the contact has to change as ds has reported abuse consistently.

Ohfourfoxache · 31/01/2015 12:53

Bloody hell, that's just him all over, isn't it? He'd "better be there"? Who the hell does he think he is? Angry

I'm actually very glad that he said that to the SW - he's shown other people what he's like now and there is no going back on that.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/01/2015 13:18

In her and her ds favour, baby has said that her ex is not very bright, and will not give another more charming persona to professionals, he is how he is and he has displayed that in court for all to see. I am sure that the Police as part of their investigations will interview him, lets hope he trips himself up. The Judge may dismiss him, but the Police won't be as willing.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/01/2015 13:25

I think he feels that he has the court and the guardian on his side that he is untouchable, lets hope he displays some of this swagger in Police interviews.

Original poster
babynamechange · 31/01/2015 14:29

Yes it is him all over...

I've just had a text from him that he's informed SS and the school that he will be picking DS up next Friday and that he's taking me to court for residence :(

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 31/01/2015 14:54

Oh god baby what a fucker. Tell SW and Police what he has said, and keep all texts and e mails to show them. Whilst he is under investigation no chance, he is just angry it is falling apart right now, and he is mouthing off.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/01/2015 14:55

Inform the school not to release ds to him and what the situation is.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/01/2015 14:56

Whilst this investigation is happening and it's in the hands of the Police, there is nothing he can do. He is scared, angry, you are in control, and he is not.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/01/2015 14:58

That is fantastic if he comes to collect ds, they wint release him, he gets visibly angry and aggressive in front of staff and SW.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/01/2015 15:02

Don't respond to him. Just save the texts for the police.

elfycat · 31/01/2015 15:11

He's taking you to court for residency, when the SW and police are investigating and contact had been stopped?

Hahahahhaaaa (ironic maniacal laughter)

Has he always been this unaware?

I remember your previous thread and sometimes wonder how you are/ hope you and DS are well. I'm not glad that the problems are persisting, nut I am glad that someone is now paying attention.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/01/2015 15:11

Additionally, he doesent really want residency, he is saying that to hurt you and he's angry. He has refused extra contact in the past, and has delivered ds earlier than expected.