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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I just need some perspective

481 replies

babynamechange · 11/01/2015 23:25

There's a huge backstory to this...but basically I'm asking the question so Im sure I'm not overreacting before I do anything...
To cut a very long story short I have had concerns about my DS having contact with his father due inappropriate touching and emotional abuse etc. DS is currently being seen by a SW about this. It has been a huge struggle to actually get someone to listen, but someone is now seeing him, although i don't know when he will be spoken to again.

DS has just come in to tell me he wants to tell me something but doesn't want to say it. Anyway he said his dad has been taking photos of him while he's on the toilet (he doesn't normally take photos generally). DS said he really didn't like this. I know he would have been really upset as he doesn't like anyone even in the vicinity when he's doing a poo. He's six.

I know or rather I think I must be asking the blatantly obvious, but is this in any world ok :( x

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 31/01/2015 22:13

If he continues this way and I hope that he does, they will soon get the measure of him. I hope the really shows them his true self.

Ohfourfoxache · 31/01/2015 22:23

Fingers crossed - that would be wonderful x

themummyonthebus · 31/01/2015 22:39

Baby, you are so strong. I followed your earlier threads with increasing horror that something like this can happen in a civilised country Sad I'm so sorry it's still going on and hoping like crazy that this recent news about SS stopping contact is the beginning of a positive resolution of the whole situation for you and your son. Sending you plenty of positive vibes, virtual hugs and, well hoping that the beginning of the end is finally here Flowers

Original poster
babynamechange · 31/01/2015 22:51

Thank you Flowers

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 01/02/2015 08:59

Don't worry baby, the more he shows his true colours, the better. You don't want him all nice and cooperative. I hope that you get the outcomes you need for this to stop, and for ds never to have to endure this vile individual ever again!

Aeroflotgirl · 01/02/2015 20:09

Baby, reading the extract from his 'lengthy piece' was a set me off giggles what a total idiot, the judge must be as stupid as he is, to be taken in with such a knob.

Original poster
babynamechange · 02/02/2015 17:10

Ok, SW was back today, I've spoken to her and this is the story so far..

She said that she had spoken to DS's dad this afternoon and he told her that the police had 'dropped it'. Neither she, me or children's services have heard anything from the police and the policeman who was assigned to it is off sick...

Does this sound right? But would he make that up?
Hopefully find out tomorrow :(

OP posts:
LucyBabs · 02/02/2015 17:26

I very much doubt it baby He's a fuck wit..

What does the social worker think?

Flowers For you x

Andro · 02/02/2015 17:28

When I've had dealings with the police and ss (albeit for very different reasons) all official communication went through official channels. When the police had nformation the sw needed to know, the police informed the sw. It is by no means impossible that he's telling the truth, but I would wait for the official notification.

Andro · 02/02/2015 17:31

Oh, and as for would he make it up?

I have no doubt that if he thinks he can emotionally abuse you more by making you worry the yes, I think he would be quite capable of making this up. There is nothing your jackass ex could do that would surprise me...short of morphing into a reasonable, empathetic, non abusive human being!

ourglass · 02/02/2015 17:34

I can't believe you and your son are still being forced to endure this torment. I am so sorry x

Aeroflotgirl · 02/02/2015 17:35

He's lying I expect, the Police would have told SS first of all, and it would have gone through official channels first. If they had informed ex, baby would also have been informed too, which has not happened. Contact your Police Liason officer. It takes a lot longer to do a proper investigation.

Aeroflotgirl · 02/02/2015 17:37

I woulden't be surprised if he made it up, he is a thoroughly nasty piece of work. Look how he is manipulating and emotionally abusing ds on contact, he is doing the same to the SW and you.

Aeroflotgirl · 02/02/2015 17:43

As you know baby, ex has a habit of making stuff up. All designed to worry you and control you.

Aeroflotgirl · 02/02/2015 17:44

If the policeman assigned to this is off sick, how the hell is he going to hear anything as yet. The Police have to gather evidence and collate and anylise it, this takes time. It won't take a week that's for sure.

Original poster
babynamechange · 02/02/2015 18:07

Ah thanks for all your replies Flowers. The SW doesn't know what to think either and there's been no communication at all from the police to SS.

I was thinking would he really be that stupid to make something like that up, ,that can be so easily checked, but he has done it before with no consequences on him so maybe?
I guess if he gets caught out he would just make out that he misinterpreted what he was told or something?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 02/02/2015 18:10

It woulden't surprise me, he has a form for this. If this was the case, you would have also heard and SS would most definitely have heard, so its highly likely he has made it up. Also, the Policeman assigned to it has been sick, so how has he heard.

Ohfourfoxache · 02/02/2015 18:13

He's lied in the past, he'll lie again. He thinks he can get away with it.

Iiwy I'd speak to the police tomorrow and tell them that he told you they're not taking it any further. Keep all evidence. Every text, every communication, every conversation needs to be recorded and logged with the police/SW - they need to know what he is telling you.

Aeroflotgirl · 02/02/2015 18:16

SW will have evidence as he has lied to her too. Not looking good for him.

Original poster
babynamechange · 02/02/2015 18:21

I spoke to the police department and I was told it's been assigned to a new person, but that they would need to speak to them tomorrow... I told the person I spoke to what he'd said to the SW and I forwarded the text that he sent me to her as well

Yes if it hasn't been 'dropped' I can just imagine him saying something along the lines of 'oh I must have got it wrong then' Hmm
x

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 02/02/2015 18:30

Yes he is lying, if you haven't heard and SW hasent heard, what a load of rubbish. This will not look good for him.

Original poster
babynamechange · 02/02/2015 18:34

I hope he is :(

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 02/02/2015 18:37

I think so, and others on here have. It would have gone through the proper channels, and you would have also have been informed and SW. I woulden't believe a word he says unless it comes from the Police or SW themselves.

Andro · 02/02/2015 18:38

I'm sure the new sw will have a different take on the matter to 'must have got it wrong' - more like 'tried to circumvent the current contact ban by lying to ss about the status of the investigation'.

Aeroflotgirl · 02/02/2015 18:41

Good point Andro, I haven't thought of that. Baby said he can be very manipulative, and slippery. Yes, I woulden't put it past him to twist the situation for his own gain.