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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I just need some perspective

481 replies

babynamechange · 11/01/2015 23:25

There's a huge backstory to this...but basically I'm asking the question so Im sure I'm not overreacting before I do anything...
To cut a very long story short I have had concerns about my DS having contact with his father due inappropriate touching and emotional abuse etc. DS is currently being seen by a SW about this. It has been a huge struggle to actually get someone to listen, but someone is now seeing him, although i don't know when he will be spoken to again.

DS has just come in to tell me he wants to tell me something but doesn't want to say it. Anyway he said his dad has been taking photos of him while he's on the toilet (he doesn't normally take photos generally). DS said he really didn't like this. I know he would have been really upset as he doesn't like anyone even in the vicinity when he's doing a poo. He's six.

I know or rather I think I must be asking the blatantly obvious, but is this in any world ok :( x

OP posts:
Jux · 15/01/2015 19:23

Please don't contact that MP, he will make things much much worse for you in the long run. If we're thinking of the same MP.

BeyondDoesBootcamp · 15/01/2015 19:28

I have a feeling that baby has mentioned before, she is aware of the dubious intentions of that mp and doesnt want him involved.

Aeroflotgirl · 15/01/2015 19:33

No, not a good idea, now that the awful, nasty and spiteful guardian is out of the way, it should be much easier now for CS and Police to do their job and investigate.

Aeroflotgirl · 15/01/2015 19:34

Just leave it there, and hope ds talks more and more openly to the SW doing the keep safe work with him, through that she will be able to see the constant abuse both emotional and sexual he is going through regularly Sad and build a big picture of the situation. The fact she is involving Police, means that they are taking it very seriously.

Aeroflotgirl · 15/01/2015 19:37

Just reading a bit about the section 47 child protection, it seems as though SW has started that process.

Original poster
babynamechange · 15/01/2015 21:15

Thanks again xx
I have said that to her and the chronology of everything that's happened.. She is really good and I know we are lucky to have her..

I think I have some good news, she phoned earlier and the outcome of the safe guarding meeting with the police is that they want to investigate properly

OP posts:
Ohfourfoxache · 15/01/2015 21:26

Baby that is brilliant news!

At long last it sounds like someone is actually DOING something rather than brush you both off xx

DeliciousMonster · 15/01/2015 21:29

About bloody time!

That is good news.

Aeroflotgirl · 15/01/2015 21:46

Fantastic baby, wow does ds still have to go to his dad whist it being investigated

Aeroflotgirl · 15/01/2015 21:53

I am glad guardian is out the way so she can't sabourtage anything Smile

Andro · 15/01/2015 22:05

That's fantastic news, I really hope this gets results for you both.

CrapBag · 15/01/2015 22:11

Oh that's brilliant to hear. I assume they will be suspending contact? You surely aren't expected to send your DS to someone who is under investigation for abuse are you?

Hoping and keeping fingers crossed that they actually find something and have some sort of evidence that keeps this sicko away from your child for good. Flowers

Bonbonbonbon · 16/01/2015 06:23

Baby, I remember your thread from before and I'm sorry to hear this is still going on. I just wondered, if you don't get anywhere with the police and SW this time around, have you considered going to the media with your story? I mean, these tragedies keep turning up in the news where SW and authorities did nothing and something terrible happened, perhaps a little media attention and pressure on these people might focus their minds a bit.

Parsley1234 · 16/01/2015 10:45

That's great news baby hoping it gets sorted for you and little baby x

Aeroflotgirl · 16/01/2015 11:34

Lets hope contact is suspended soon.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 16/01/2015 12:19

Sounds like a step in the right direction.

Aeroflotgirl · 18/01/2015 10:58

It is good that ds is doing this keep safe work with the social worker, it allows him to build up a relationship with her so that he can talk more openly and candidly about his abuse. It's fantastic that he is opening up more to professionals, it's not just down to baby to tell them. The more it comes from ds, it is much better, SW and Police have a duty to act upon it.

Kerala2712 · 18/01/2015 22:04

I'm new here, but I'm a gp- I've recently had to report a social worker to their governing body (BASWA) for ignoring a similar situation- my husband used to be a child protection SW and got so angry with the attitudes around him he left. new SW sounds good- but there ARE standard practices for what should happen- if they haven't then people are breaking the law, not just not doing their job. You and Your little boy is doing so well- don't let them bully you into thinking you are wrong- try and get to speak to the police officer in charge of safeguarding- they are usually pretty good. Good luck.

Original poster
babynamechange · 30/01/2015 21:30

Thanks again to everyone.
And Keraka for your post

Just an update and a sorry that it's taken me so long.
DS was spoken to formally (as in a recorded interview) last week and was described as reliable and consistent with what he told them. So the police are going to investigate and contact has been temporarily stopped while that happens. I'm due to be hearing from the investigating officer but nothing yet and SW is on leave till next week xx

OP posts:
Jux · 30/01/2015 21:40

Oh thank goodness, baby. At last your ds has some respite from that awful enforced contact, and you can relax for a little while too.

Well done, your ds! What a brave boy he is.
Well done you! You have fought and fought.

I will be praying (in my fashion) that from now on it will all go smoothly for you both.

I sincerely hope that Ghastly Guardian gets her comeuppance too.

CrapBag · 30/01/2015 21:41

Hi baby. Thank you for the update.

That great that contact has been suspended. Let's hope it is never reinstated. Flowers

Jux · 30/01/2015 21:41

Welcome to MN, Kerala!

Original poster
babynamechange · 30/01/2015 21:44

Ah thank you Flowers
Yes it definitely feels like respite. Just have to wait and see what the police come back with xx

OP posts:
BreakOutTheKaraoke · 30/01/2015 21:46

Thank fuck for that, for the pair of you.

I followed your earlier threads, Baby, but didn't comment as I had nothing to add to you.

I hope for both of yours sake, but especially DS, that it can end now. I have my fingers crossed that even if there isn't enough evidence to charge the ex, that there is enough to scare him shitless and make him run away.

confusedandemployed · 30/01/2015 21:50

Brilliant. I haven't posted before but wanted to say I think you're doing an absolutely fantastic job with your DS. I am full of admiration about how you are navigating all this bureaucracy with your focus firmly in your sights: to keep your son safe. You are fantastic and I'm delighted the powers-that-be have decided to investigate properly.

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