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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I just need some perspective

481 replies

babynamechange · 11/01/2015 23:25

There's a huge backstory to this...but basically I'm asking the question so Im sure I'm not overreacting before I do anything...
To cut a very long story short I have had concerns about my DS having contact with his father due inappropriate touching and emotional abuse etc. DS is currently being seen by a SW about this. It has been a huge struggle to actually get someone to listen, but someone is now seeing him, although i don't know when he will be spoken to again.

DS has just come in to tell me he wants to tell me something but doesn't want to say it. Anyway he said his dad has been taking photos of him while he's on the toilet (he doesn't normally take photos generally). DS said he really didn't like this. I know he would have been really upset as he doesn't like anyone even in the vicinity when he's doing a poo. He's six.

I know or rather I think I must be asking the blatantly obvious, but is this in any world ok :( x

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 03/02/2015 12:58

Andro does not mean abuse is not taking place, and what about ds reliable and consistant account, does that not count for anything. To put ds back into a potentially harmful situation is totally unacceptable, because poor ds has reported it, baby is quite rightly afraid of how he will treat ds that itself is a concern. They do need to do more investigating, and delve in deeper in situations where there are child protection concerns. I would tell baby to keep reporting to SW if it keeps carrying on, and tell ds to keep talking to SW.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/02/2015 12:59

Baby and her ds have been treated so shoddily by all agencies involved through to the Judge, guardian, previous SS, and now Police. The case has been handled badly throughout.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/02/2015 13:01

After this, I have no faith in the systems that are designed to protect children from abuse.

Jux · 03/02/2015 13:04

I think the police are taking this seriously, but their hands are tied atm as the criterion has not been met. That doesn't mean they're not concerned or not interested, though it's gutting for ds and you, baby.

Let the sw explain to ds. Surely if they're the ones who suspended contact they will be the ones who decide whether to keep it suspended?

Andro · 03/02/2015 13:12

I don't disagree Aero, I just don't think that the decision not to proceed is one the police would have wanted to make in this case.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/02/2015 13:19

I hope SW are still going to involved and will do their own investigations. Ds keep telling SW doing work with him anything new. report any unusual marks you see on ds.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/02/2015 13:22

This going to make him feel he is more untouchable than ever!

BlackeyedSusan · 03/02/2015 13:30

offs. not again.

lets hope he gets caught out in some other way.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/02/2015 13:34

I would put the onus back on SS, voice your concerns to them, about now ds has talked to Police about his abuse, that he will now take it out on him even more, the situation will be even more volatile. I would ask them how they will be protecting ds from harm, what safeguards are in place for him. Is there an opportunity for ds to have regular interaction with a SW so that he can talk to them.

notnaice · 03/02/2015 13:34

I also remember your previous thread. Can't believe its still ongoing. Your poor son - and you.

Eventually if he is given enough rope he'll hang himself. Crap in the meantime though.

Thanks
Original poster
babynamechange · 03/02/2015 13:49

Thanks to everyone for your replies.
The thing is I'm not sure whether it doesn't meet the threshold because taking pictures of a child doing a poo when they don't want you too is not criminal (ia emotional abuse a criminal offence yet?) or whether it's because he's denying it and so it's his word against DSs?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 03/02/2015 14:00

Baby are they not I estimating the other stuff like the sexual abuse?

Aeroflotgirl · 03/02/2015 14:00

Investigating I meant

BeautifulPain · 03/02/2015 14:02

Im so sorry ds and yourself are still going through this Hmm I remember your threads last year.
I am sending you hugs and strength, your a wonderful Mum.

Original poster
babynamechange · 03/02/2015 14:08

Thanks beautiful
Aero each thing is taken in isolation as far as the police are concerned

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 03/02/2015 14:18

Blimey how awful. Did ds talk to police and SW about the sexual abuse? Are they going to investigate that!

Original poster
babynamechange · 03/02/2015 14:24

He's made what's considered a partial disclosure to the SW about the touching, but not said enough for them to proceed formally... So this is totally separate from it and not part of it if that makes sense.

But just spoken to the SW who's was really good as always. She said that the telephone conversation with his dad about what he said the police told him doesn't match what the police say they told him. Surprise surprise.
As for what to do about contact, she needs to seek advice from her manager as to what to do. She asked me if DS wants to see his dad. I said she's really welcome to speak to DS but he's adamant with me that he doesn't want to see him x

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 03/02/2015 14:34

That's positive, hopefully they will take ds wishes seriously. Hopefully if they keep doing their work with him, he will open up more to them. SW is getting the measure of this individual.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/02/2015 14:35

Mabey if they do ask him, he will open up more as to why not.

Jux · 03/02/2015 17:18

That sounds a bit more positive. When is she planning on consulting ds?

Aeroflotgirl · 03/02/2015 20:39

Baby it is fantastic that you have the SW on you and your ds side. I think she has the measure of him, and she probably knows the situation will be more volatile for ds since he talked to SW and Police,hence her asking ds if he wants to go to his dad, and considering ds in all of this, which is the first time professionals have done this. I feel that she believes deep down that ds is being abused and will continue working with him so that he does eventually talk to her more openly about it.

If ex does take it to court, will you still have that nasty G.

Original poster
babynamechange · 03/02/2015 21:06

It is positive. I think DS has already said that to her anyway, so I'm not sure she will speak to him before they come to a decision. I think that she more wanted confirmation that was still the case.

She didn't elaborate but I can imagine what his dad said to her on the phone regarding what the police said to him about not investigating. I think she definitely realises the kind of person she is dealing with x

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 03/02/2015 21:14

That is a good thing, he sounded very aggressive to her, when she told him that she would not be collecting ds for contact, so I think she is getting a good picture of him. That is good, because until now, certainly by the judge and the G, you have been totally unfairly labelled as a trouble maker, getting in the way of contact, and a lier. So, it is good that this SW is on the ball, and dispelling such myths that was built up about you by the G.

Parsley1234 · 03/02/2015 21:15

Oh baby what a load of drawn out rubbish ! Loads of love to you and baby baby stay strong xxxx

Original poster
babynamechange · 03/02/2015 21:34

Ah parsley, thank you x

Yes aero he's been aggressive to her and has now lied about what the police said to him.... She understands and I know we are lucky to have her

OP posts: