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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be furious with M&S Bra assistant, want to complain..

226 replies

CalicoBlue · 11/01/2015 16:41

I took DD 13 to M&S this afternoon. She has been wearing bra's for a year or so now, we wanted to check if she needed a bigger size. We don't ask the assistants for help, we usually get a range of sizes and I help her try them on and we work out what is right for her.

Today we selected a few styles and her current size and a size up, plus different back size. We went into the changing room and handed them to the assistant saying I had five items. First she started saying that they were the junior range looking at me, then noticed my daughter. She asked how old DD was, I said 13. She went on the say that DD should not be wearing wired bra's as they were bad for her breast tissue, showing me by pointing to her own breasts. There were people waiting and DD was mortified. I started to say that I was happy with our choice and she wanted to try them on, we did not like the non wired range. DD dragged me away pink in the face. She refused to go back and says she will never go bra shopping there again.

I am furious, we did not ask for advice or help with sizing. I was about to tell her that it was none of her business what bra's I chose for DD. Now I will have to find somewhere else to buy her bra's.

I am planning to write to the store manager.

OP posts:
iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 11/01/2015 23:03

Yanbu

M&S are shit

You didn't ask for her help she should have kept schtum plus if they sell them to fit your daughter then why the hell shouldn't she wear them, I say this as at 13 I needed underwire, without it the shitty fabric bras available did nothing to support my larger breasts

kittykat7210 · 11/01/2015 23:06

thank you, and yeh, the top off my breasts are seriously sad looking, i tend to go for plunging with a small amount of padding, just because i need some uplift, and i get cleavage like that, its just sad that i have all the cons from a pregnancy without the main pro, a baby. since i was 22 weeks when i miscarried, i have stretch marks, a bit of loose skin on the bottom on my tummy, bad looking boobs the lot, but there we go.

i know thats an odd way of looking at it, but a lot of people always say that the baby makes it all worth it, and i never got that.

anyway this is not where the thread should be, but thank you for the websites.

lemisscared · 11/01/2015 23:07

I am a big girl, blessed some might say, so i tend to have to buy bras with wires in - i hate them. I wouldn't be suggesting an underwire bra for my dd either tbh.

It doesn't however sound like the shop assistant handled it very well though.

SorrelForbes · 11/01/2015 23:07

M&S giving out correct bra fitting advice? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha etc.

PekeandPollicle · 11/01/2015 23:09

I've found debenhans and M&S both completely shit. jL and Bravissimo are good. Basically, I looked at the bra threads, measured myself and bought a load online of which I kept the ones that fitted nicely.

I'm a 30f. M&s don't do bras in my size so they suggested a 34c. I didn't need to undo it to take it off over my feet...

SorrelForbes · 11/01/2015 23:09

kittykat7210 Flowers

slithytove · 11/01/2015 23:27

Kitty cat I'm so sorry. And completely get what you are saying. Probably the wrong place for this, but I would not call what you went through a miscarriage Thanks

slithytove · 11/01/2015 23:27

Kittykat! Sorry didn't meant to get your Nn wrong

Romeorodriguez · 11/01/2015 23:52

The sales assistant didn't take the bras from you, you gave them to her, then your daughter dragged you off before she could try them on. It says so in your OP. why are you now changing the details? Is it because not everyone was agreeing with you?

heartisaspade · 12/01/2015 01:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Theas18 · 12/01/2015 01:48

Please complain. M&s is shit for bras and shit for young girls tbh.

Angel bras are allegedly " soft under wires" but regardless some girls well before 13 will be of a size that only comes with wires - show me a dd soft cup bra that's worth wearing....and some girls well before 13 will have been bra wearing for 2yrs plus - the stupidly arbitrary time that's given for wearing wires.

M&s fitter told my well under 13yr old (wearing her lovely bravissimo wired bra that fitted perfectly - we'd only foolishly come to see if we could get similar) that she shouldn't be wearing wires and she couldnt be that size anyway - almost in a " no one has norks that size" way. Wish we had complained but as my dd wasn't too bothered I just dismissed her comments and we left .

Dd is thinking of a pt job in bravissimo in the future. She'd be great as she knows how a bra fits and how a curvy kid wants to be treated at a fitting!

MrsFionaCharming · 12/01/2015 02:07

You'd think since so many people are saying that it's not healthy for young girls to be wearing underwires, there's be some sort of scientific reason to back this up. Except a quick search has shown no research actually conducted in this area.

This study shows the difference between self fitting and professional fitting, and this one shows no link between bra wearing and breast cancer.

So it would seem that there's no evidence for the claim the OPs DD shouldn't wear underwired bras.

AuntieStella · 12/01/2015 06:37

"why are you now changing the details? Is it because not everyone was agreeing with you?"

She's not changing details. Not everyone realised that this wasn't a bra fitting by a trained assistant in a lingerie dept cubicle. But at the entrance to an ordinary changing room, where everyone hands items to the assistant on duty who checks how many, gets the right number token, and hands them back as you go in. Of doesn't hand them back, in this case.

The bra interventionist who came on the thread also said the advice about underwires is just plain wrong.

So assistant, in public area of shop, makes inaccurate comments about how to fit a bra whilst refusing to let customer enter the changing room at all and pointing at her own breasts.

That's bad service, and somewhat weird.

If I was the manager I'd want to know if the other staff were acting so oddly.

sleepywombat · 12/01/2015 06:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StatisticallyChallenged · 12/01/2015 07:14

The MN intervention isn't some random approach we made up, it's a recognised method in the bra world which gives a starting size which gets you as close as possible to the fit from a good shop like Bravissimo. It's only supposed to provide a starting point. If it didn't work for you, fine, but for most people the M&S bras aren't comfortable and especially for those with bigger breasts wearing the sizes they recommend can cause serious health problems e.g. back. neck, shoulders, even nerve damage in some cases.

Some people don't like the feel of a firm band. That's fine - doesn't make M&S and the companies sticking people in unsupportive bras correct though.

Chatatouillez · 12/01/2015 07:15

Yabu. The bra fitter was correct, she was probably trying to help, though I feel sorry for your dd.

42bunnytails · 12/01/2015 08:46

Sleepywombat no your not.

Smaller bands hurt and larger cups gape on me and I hate the over engineered Forth road bridge structure of large cupped bras. They are also stupidly too hot.

Personally I'd prefer never to wear a bra, ever again, but I'm not a pert teen.

SorrelForbes · 12/01/2015 08:50

42bunnytails it sounds to me like you haven't found the right size and style for you. If larger cups are gaping then you probably needs to try something more low cut and perhaps wider in shape.

I have ample norkage and my bras (mostly Cleo and Ewa Michalak) are all very pretty and not bulky, upholstered or hot.

Dumbledoresgirl · 12/01/2015 09:16

Oh, I am torn.

I can understand your annoyance and your dd's embarrassment. I was actually envious of the set up you have with your dd as I have a 14 yo dd who finds shopping for bras so painfully embarrassing that it seems she would rather wear the wrong size than be measured. She won't let me in the cubicle to check sizes for her, and certainly wouldn't let an assistant measure her. So I can see why your dd was so embarrassed and walked away. And I understand that you weren't after any advice.

OTOH, the assistant was right in her advice. As I understand it, it doesn't matter how big the teenager is. Her breast tissue is still developing and underwiring is not good for her. I think M&S could argue that their sales assistant was simply doing the job she is employed to do ie give advice on bra fittings.

StatisticallyChallenged · 12/01/2015 09:32

Dumble the advice isn't correct, wires are fine so long as they fit well and the fit is checked regularly. they are only a problem if they are resting on breast tissue. Plenty of teenagers are sized out of non wired bras unless they want either sports bras or nursing -both of which aren't exactly ideal

brererabbit · 12/01/2015 09:33

I see why your dd was embarrassed and I know you said to her that you are happy with your choice but she may have thought that although you were happy with your choice, you might not have known that the wiring can cause issues and was just trying to let you know maybe?
I mean some people may have been happy with that choice but on realising it impacted growth and development changed their minds. I don't think it's one woman m and s train their staff to give this advice and if you are going to ignore it I'm not sure what you can do other than buy your bras from a place that cares less about boobs. I know she might have massive norks and need the support but if not 13 is still very young in the grand scale of development.

StatisticallyChallenged · 12/01/2015 09:34

And she didn't just give advice, she refused to give the bras back. And she wasn't asked for advice

42bunnytails · 12/01/2015 09:34

I don't want pretty, I want absolutely minimal single thickness plain fabric that doesn't show under long sleeved t shirts, with just enough support to tell my conventional DD2 yes I'm wearing a bra, that's it.

Oh and I'd like the fucking straps to stay up!

And no a tighter band doesn't help, it makes me feel ill.

Bra intervention works on my gymnast DD2, who is nicely in proportion. It doesn't work on me since I had her and she and her big sister pushed my ribs out two inches without making my boobs bigger.

StatisticallyChallenged · 12/01/2015 09:36

A place that cares less about boobs -than m and s who refuse to acknowledge the harm they are doing to women by fitting them in awful unsupportive bras. Not sure there are many who care less

Micah · 12/01/2015 09:41

Statistically challenged- why aren't sports bras ideal?

I've worn them all my life from my first bras. I have large boobs and find they're way more supportive than any wired bra.