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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be furious with M&S Bra assistant, want to complain..

226 replies

CalicoBlue · 11/01/2015 16:41

I took DD 13 to M&S this afternoon. She has been wearing bra's for a year or so now, we wanted to check if she needed a bigger size. We don't ask the assistants for help, we usually get a range of sizes and I help her try them on and we work out what is right for her.

Today we selected a few styles and her current size and a size up, plus different back size. We went into the changing room and handed them to the assistant saying I had five items. First she started saying that they were the junior range looking at me, then noticed my daughter. She asked how old DD was, I said 13. She went on the say that DD should not be wearing wired bra's as they were bad for her breast tissue, showing me by pointing to her own breasts. There were people waiting and DD was mortified. I started to say that I was happy with our choice and she wanted to try them on, we did not like the non wired range. DD dragged me away pink in the face. She refused to go back and says she will never go bra shopping there again.

I am furious, we did not ask for advice or help with sizing. I was about to tell her that it was none of her business what bra's I chose for DD. Now I will have to find somewhere else to buy her bra's.

I am planning to write to the store manager.

OP posts:
StatisticallyChallenged · 11/01/2015 21:44

It's completely out of order. What next - No, we won't bring you those shoes for your 14 year old to try on as we deem the heel to be too high for her age?

Camolips · 11/01/2015 21:49

If you don't like being told off then you need to stand up for yourself at the time. It's not good for the soul to be furious hours afterwards. Some people talk to us in a way we don't like and they will only realise that if we stand our ground eg. 'Well we have chosen these bras because we like them but we will bear in mind what you're saying'. Your dd running off is another matter, I'm amazed that some posters think this is normal behaviour.

Camolips · 11/01/2015 21:50

Ha! Ok, just seen your update. She didn't run out forget that bit of my postBlush

DayLillie · 11/01/2015 21:54

It's completely out of order. What next - No, we won't bring you those shoes for your 14 year old to try on as we deem the heel to be too high for her age?

Actually, I had someone who would not let 14yo DDs try on formal adult shoes for a funeral and ended up having to buy flat black school ones with a strap across and a big turquoise stitched flower on the front. We had to have something, and did not get much wear out of them.

kittykat7210 · 11/01/2015 21:57

DayLillie

that is silly, did you explain what they were for? I actually can't believe what the world is coming to these days!

psychomum5 · 11/01/2015 22:01

I would be cross too tbh.

I have three girls, and even now they would walk off and be upset with un-asked for advice regarding bra fitting etc. If you ASK for advice that is one thing, but you didn't, and talking about your DD like that in front of other customers is not very professional.

My girls are confident in themselves yet their bodies are still private and not to be discussed that openly, be it near men OR women....and why should that be something to be frowned upon??

As for M&S and bras...go elsewhere. I have never shopped at M&S for bras ever since I was measured for a decent bra after breast feeding, not sure on my new size as I had changed shape. She put me in a bra that, altho supposed to be the size she measured me at, clearly did not fitted - I had over spill for a start. I commented on that and she told me I just needed to 'tone up' ! ShockHmm

I went to Debenhams after that, rather ranty and upset.....remeasured as a smaller underbust but bigger cup, and got four gorgeous fitting bras, and they even gave me 20% off as a goodwill gesture due to being upset by M&S!

I still shop at Debenhams for my bras, or John Lewis - lovely discreet assistants who offer help, but if not needed just show you to a cubicle and leave you to it.

My girls like New Look for their bras, or H&M. Both have a good range of all types and sizes, wired AND non-wired.

DayLillie · 11/01/2015 22:01

Yes - It was summer, so there was little choice. We still have them somewhere, although they are 21 now. They come in useful on the (very) odd occasion. Usually with trousers so you can't see the flower.

craftysewer · 11/01/2015 22:05

I think the assistant was right to point out that it is reccommended that a 13 yearold does not wear an underwired bra, but I think she was very unreasonable in taking them off you. Once you are in receipt of the information it is up to you to make an informed judgement on what you would advise your daughter to wear.

kittykat7210 · 11/01/2015 22:06

god, i cannot get over that, i would have flipped, she was 14, not 8!! i suppose at least they aren't a complete waste of money, but i bet a nice pair of adult formal shoes would have got a lot more use out of them!

DayLillie · 11/01/2015 22:07

I was fitted as a 32A after breast feeding (ski jump slope shape!). I had been 32D (now 30E).

It sorted fitted the bump at the bottom but did not cover well Sad Fortunately, I filled out after that, and Bravissimo came into being!

Nanny0gg · 11/01/2015 22:09

Did you actually say to the assistant that you wanted the bras you had chosen back? And did you hold out your hand for them?

That's what I would have done.

flipchart · 11/01/2015 22:11

Furious?
You need to sort your life out if that has made you furious!

lljkk · 11/01/2015 22:17

Can't believe that so many 13yr olds really need 34 band.

kittykat7210 · 11/01/2015 22:18

lljkk

what do you mean, 34 is standard width, im just skinny being a 28...

lljkk · 11/01/2015 22:30

I'm a 34 band (well I should be, I prefer a 36, but 34 is my starting point). I have shoulders like an American Football Linebacker (not tiny).
DD is 13 & is 27 band, I see how big the ribcages are on her mates. Not remotely as big as me.

kittykat7210 · 11/01/2015 22:33

maybe its different, what country are you in? because in the UK most sizes start at 32, i seriously struggle to find any shop that goes down to 30, let alone 28

StatisticallyChallenged · 11/01/2015 22:33

When fitted properly, very few 14 year olds would be a 34 kittykat7210. The method of adding 4 or 5" to the underbust measurement to get the band size is outdated and shouldn't be used anymore.

StatisticallyChallenged · 11/01/2015 22:34

I'm in the UK btw. The reason so many start at a 32 is because so many are still fitting incorrectly. I'm a 30HH. M&S shoved me in a 36F. It was ridiculously badly fitting

kittykat7210 · 11/01/2015 22:38

yh i know, its actually really annoying though! i cant just go into new look or h&m, i have to go to bravissimo (like you i assume)

i would like to get a pretty bra for £10, not a plain black or white for £30 -_-

Altinkum · 11/01/2015 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PandasRock · 11/01/2015 22:43

Last tme I tried M&S (desperation) they tried to,put me in a 38D

I'm a 34G.

When I was a teenager, I measured 28D. M&S measured me as 32C.

It's farcical, it really is.

StatisticallyChallenged · 11/01/2015 22:44

Bravissimo if I'm going in to a shop, not many other choices here as I don't get on with Freya which is the only brand Debenhams and John Lewis sell in my size here.

I get loads online though, and definitely not Black or White. I own very few plain bras tbh! Mycurvesandme sell a lot of panache (including Cleo who are great for colour), Leia Lingerie (Freya, Fantasie, Fauve etc), Brastop (especially good for curvy kate), and Ewa Michalak (Polish company who do fabulous bras). I get good bargains on most of these sites, got a Cleo lily for £7 recently for example. Amazon, remarkably, are good for bargains too.

My bra drawer is very colourful Grin

But the reason we have to go to these places isn't because there aren't many people who need 28 or 30 bands. There are huge numbers of people who do need them, but just don't know it. I saw the fitting sheet for M&S that day - they'd fitted dozens and every single person was apparently a 34 band or bigger. Unlikely!

kittykat7210 · 11/01/2015 22:54

i think i may note a few of these down!! i need some pretty bras desperately! my issue is that my boobs are funny shape since i had a late miscarriage in august, my breasts produced milk after i miscarried and after they stopped they've sunk a bit /: so some bras look weird on me.

StatisticallyChallenged · 11/01/2015 22:59

I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers

Have they basically lost upper fullness? If so you probably want to look at balconettes and half cups which basically means that they don't have much fabric in the top of the cups so you won't get gaping.

CrapBag · 11/01/2015 22:59

The only thing yanbu about is the fact the assistant took them and didn't give them back. But she actually gave you the correct advice. You clearly don't like being given advice though.

Yabu to complain and be furious and to let a 13 state she will never go there again. What a ridiculous overreaction!

I don't get this m and s hatred on here. I go there to get fitted and have never had a problem. They gave me great advice on my bottom heavy boobs last time and took a great deal of time to find the only style of bra that would actually fit me properly. Debenhams I have found to be shit as was La Senza. We are limited in choice here and m and s have always been good.