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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to fear that's a lot of hours?

111 replies

MrsHuxtableReturns · 06/01/2015 21:44

(I've copied this from Chat as nobody wanted to comment.)

I'm just about to go back to work (granted only 1 day a week) and I'm having a slight panic.

I'm alone with the DC for 45 hrs a week. During these hours I don't get much done other than the odd bit of housework as my 2 under 3s are fairly demanding. DC1 doesn't nap anymore so there's no break during the day.

I then study for 25 hrs a week and now I'm also working out of the home again for 8-10 hours a week. I'm running and doing a half marathon in a few months so I need to commit 5-8 hrs a week for training. Granted I don't have to do that but I need it for me.

So that's at least 85 hours of my week already accounted for. Before I've watched a film or had a soak in the bath or whatever. It seems like a lot to me and I've just had a slight panic attack that I won't manage but I'm not sure. Is this a lot? I'm also sleep deprived which probably doesn't help...

OP posts:
Szeli · 06/01/2015 21:52

not really. it's the same as working full time and studying with some leisure thrown in. it'll be tiring but certainly doable if you're healthy

OriginalGreenGiant · 06/01/2015 21:52

I think you're looking at it in a really odd way tbh...counting up hours.

How does it break down on a daily basis?

The only time you're 'loosing' is the one day you're in work - where (I assume) you would previously have been alone with the dc anyway and not free to study/run/bath etc.

Original poster
MrsHuxtableReturns · 06/01/2015 21:56

I think I'm panicking because I've so far had the weekend to do the bulk of the studying and now I'm losing one of those days. So obviously I'm worried I won't have enough time left.

OP posts:
NeedABumChange · 06/01/2015 22:01

That sounds pretty normal better than working full time with a commute. You can actually do a few things at home when with the DCs. You can cook dinner then so that's not got to be added to your hour total.

Original poster
MrsHuxtableReturns · 06/01/2015 22:02

It breaks down in Monday to Friday I'm a SAHM mum, do all the things that come with that. When DH comes home at 6.30, we do dinner ect, I can go for my run, then do bedtime for the kids, shower, and start to study.

Saturday I work a full 10 hour shift on my feet, get home, dinner, bed time etc, study. Sunday I help sorting the kids but then it'll have to be my main study day, interrupted by kids lunch, feeding etc, bedtime.

I'm just very, very tired. Probably not helped by the fact that DC2 is still feeding several times a night.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsHuxtableReturns · 06/01/2015 22:03

Yes, I do that obviously. Wouldn't count that extra.

OP posts:
HerrenaHarridan · 06/01/2015 22:04

I was feeling like this a little while ago.

I used a spreadsheet to make a schedule. Then I made several tabs one 'idealised' one for each activity. I included everything. Getting up showered and dressed, walking dog, shopping, caring responsibilities,work etc

The I amalgamated them. Jiggling as necessary.
Although I probably won't stick to it dogmatically it helped visualise it working and meant I could see what free time I would have

Jollyphonics · 06/01/2015 22:05

I'm sure you can make it work, it'll be quite tough, that's all.

I'm a working single parent and I haven't watched a film (apart from kids films) or had a soak in the bath for 9.5 years, so you're not alone!

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 06/01/2015 22:08

Are you feeling lonely during your Monday to Friday sahm time? Is there a family member who could come on a Wednesday morning or afternoon to break up the time and allow you to have a lie in or go for a run, with a bit of studying? Breaking up the week should help you feel like things are more manageable.

Original poster
MrsHuxtableReturns · 06/01/2015 22:10

HerrenaHarridan a spreadheet schedule. That's what I need! I will be making that tomorrow. I think what's worse is that my studies will turn full-time after the summer so that will be a extra 15-20 hours of studying time to fit in. So if I don't make this work easily now, what will I do then.

And then there'll be the times when DH is away for conference weekends and because we have no family or anyone nearby to babysit that's a huge chunk of studying time lost.

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ILovePud · 06/01/2015 22:11

That does sound tough but hopefully the studying and marathon will be rewarding and help you in the long term. I wondered if you could get a decent double buggy and multitask a bit with your training and looking after your DC (I should add buggyfit has been the extent of my experience of training with DC and I have never trained for a marathon so I may well be talking out of my arse). Also I don't know if you have investigated whether there is any scope for childcare to be subsided by the organisation you are studying with?

Original poster
MrsHuxtableReturns · 06/01/2015 22:14

No, I don't feel lonely during the week. I also run a toddler group and we go to one of them every day of the week, that's all fine.

I guess I'm also worried about not focusing enough on the children in the afternoons at home. Because eventhough I'm technically a SAHM, it always feels like I need to be doing something else. It will probably get easier when the DC are a little older and can actually play together to give me little chunks of time to do stuff.

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Pifflepants · 06/01/2015 22:17

Good for you. It is a lot of hours. Would you consider some daytime childcare sessions from Sept to help with the study?

jimmycrackcornbutidontcare · 06/01/2015 22:22

It doesn't sound like working full time to me. People working full time don't tend to do much childcare during the week. You will be looking after 2 young children 6 days out of 7 and working 1 day. This amounts to the same as working full time. Then on top of this you'll be trying to fit in 25 hours of studying when they are sleeping and training for a marathon. I think it would be too much for me. It sounds crazy busy.

Original poster
MrsHuxtableReturns · 06/01/2015 22:29

I don't have the money to get any childcare. And there are no grants. DC1 will get her funded nursery sessions in the morning but as I still have DC2 with me the morning routine will stay the same.

I feel relived that some people it sounds like a lot because my mum has said to me recently that I "have got away well in life with not doing any work" meaning I have so far not had a professional career, but "just" had a job and obviously the children...

OP posts:
louisejxxx · 06/01/2015 22:32

That sounds okay to me. There's 160 something hours in a week so that's basically just half of the week or maybe 13 hours a day.

TheRealMaryMillington · 06/01/2015 22:39

The marathon is not good timing. The running is good and important but the training for a big event like that sounds like a pressure that you don't need at the same time as study/resume work/DH away a lot so solo parenting. Also very physically and mentally demanding.

I think 45 hours childcare = f/t job (when you factor in child-related household stuff, and if you are solo lots of the time).

poocatcherchampion · 06/01/2015 22:42

Can dd1 do her hours in the afternoon while dc2 sleeps? That us what I an trying to sort to give myself a bit of breathing space..

Original poster
MrsHuxtableReturns · 06/01/2015 22:51

Sadly I can't change the nursery hours. They're set pre-school sessions so they're not even open in the afternoon. Otherwise that would have been a great solution.

And, it's only a half marathon. Smile

I just need to be strict and stick to a plan maybe give up Mumsnet . It's just had because obviously the 45 hours is just the time that DH is out of the house MOnday to Friday and just because he's home doesn't mean I can drop everything and focus on studying.

Like I said, it just helps when someone else appreciates that it's a lot.

OP posts:
NormHonal · 06/01/2015 22:51

"Very very tired" - could be sleep deprivation, or that could be masking anaemia or something else.

It does sound like a lot on your plate, but as a PP has said, in good health, doable.

So, it might just be worth a quick chat with your GP about that tiredness, and a blood test just to see how things are. I speak from experience...within days of the appropriate supplements being prescribed, I felt better and able to take on the world again.

Also...half-marathon. You sure your pelvic floor is up to that with two DCs under-3?

Sorry to focus on the health side of things, but again I speak from my own experience. Once I took steps to sort my physical and mental health after having DCs, so many other things have clicked into place for me. So don't ignore that side of things, please.

And also, yes, things do become so much better once they sleep well. I also have experience of that!

OriginalGreenGiant · 06/01/2015 23:02

What time does your dh leave for work?
Could you go for an hours run every morning...you'd have to be up earlier but could start every day with one 'obligation' out of the way...the peace of mind that may give you may be worth an earlier start?

jimmycrackcornbutidontcare · 06/01/2015 23:03

Very very few people who work full time, come home and sort out dinner, clear up dinner, play with young children, bath them, get them ready for bed, read stories and then go and study for hours even without the half marathon training. Don't let people convince you that it isn't much because your work is unpaid.

Original poster
MrsHuxtableReturns · 06/01/2015 23:07

I could maybe squeeze a shortish run in in the morning, say 30 minutes, but that won't be much use and I'm not a morning runner at all. I'm so tired when I get up I just can't do it.

Pelvic floor seems to be holding up fine. In fact it's a lot better after Dc2 than it was after DC1. No idea why.

Detailed spreadsheet plan it is. And some vitamins. And cake.

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 06/01/2015 23:17

Having two under-3s and that much studying with no childcare would be draining for anyone. Add the running into the mix and it's no wonder you're panicking! I don't think the job is the problem. (Although i wouldn't be doing any chores or making dinner that day if I were you). I'd cut the running right down first. Still run for health / sanity obviously but postpone the pressured target and training regime. The studying seems too much without childcare too. Can you not do reciprocal childcare with someone through the group you run? (Another thing you're doing!) You're cramming a lot into probably the most exhausting part of your life. No wonder you're tired!

Pifflepants · 06/01/2015 23:18

it's loads. Are there any other options to carve out some useful study time in the day - swap childcare time with a friend maybe? She has your DC2 a morning or 2, you have hers in return.

Everything is 10 times harder when you're sleep deprived, but in particular it can reduce your judgement and ability to make decisions. I think you will have to drop everything and study when DH gets home, especially if he is away at the weekend. Does he get how much you have on your plate? How would he fit in 20-40 hours of study a week in addition to his WOH hours? I imagine if it were to work it would involve you doing bedtimes, tea, evening chores, and not being away at the weekends.