to fear that's a lot of hours?

[MrsHuxtableReturns]

(I've copied this from Chat as nobody wanted to comment.)

I'm just about to go back to work (granted only 1 day a week) and I'm having a slight panic.

I'm alone with the DC for 45 hrs a week. During these hours I don't get much done other than the odd bit of housework as my 2 under 3s are fairly demanding. DC1 doesn't nap anymore so there's no break during the day.

I then study for 25 hrs a week and now I'm also working out of the home again for 8-10 hours a week. I'm running and doing a half marathon in a few months so I need to commit 5-8 hrs a week for training. Granted I don't have to do that but I need it for me.

So that's at least 85 hours of my week already accounted for. Before I've watched a film or had a soak in the bath or whatever. It seems like a lot to me and I've just had a slight panic attack that I won't manage but I'm not sure. Is this a lot? I'm also sleep deprived which probably doesn't help...

If it helps, it sounds exhausting to me. I'd have done it easily in my 20's, but not now. After looking after two small children I'm fit for nothing other than a glass of wine, MN & some crap TV of an evening. Depends on your personal energy levels, but don't let anyone convince you it's 'not that much'.

As for your Mum . What's that all about?

If you're feeling it's too much, then for you (right now at least) it is

So drop something: stop running a toddler group; don't go to a toddler group; run for fun not an event etc etc

Bloody hell, I can see why that sounds daunting. It is a lot to put on your plate.
I couldn't do it for sure, but the only thing you can do is give it a try. I'm not sure it will be possible to increase the studying to full time though. How on earth is that going to be possible if one weekend day is out of action and you have the kids full time during the week.

Can you afford a teenager after school a couple of days for a few hours?

Can you look after someone else's child and take them to some classes etc and then have the favour returned. That seems the best and cheapest option.

Sounds manic but doable. I've been there and the rewards do eventually outweigh the effort!

Thing that struck me was talk of study time at the weekend and then lunch etc. could yiur DH not take on some sole care and sort lunches etc? If you don't break from studying you may finish earlier leaving more family time?

Do you have a slow cooker? Electric steamer? These have been my life saver over the years! I've been able to prepare dinner whilst sorting breakfast switch on slow,cooker and all that's left is to switch on steamer for 20 minutes and dinners done. Also cut up lots of celery, cucumber, pepper, carrot etc every few days and store in the fridge in containers. Same with tuna sweetcorn, egg mayo etc. it means when it gets to the times that I have to cook I'm doing less and creating less washing up too! Do you use online shopping? Very handy for ordering the same basics weekly and then can do a quick shop to fill in the blanks.

Also are there any self service laundrettes near you? This was suggested to me and is a godsend. I use a large ikea bag, fill it up, go to laundrette, wash and dry and return home - in just 2 hours compared to 1hr per wash at home which I then have to take out, dry somewhere etc.

Spreadsheet is definitely the way to go! Good luck with your marathon.

My comment would be that your DH needs to put the children to bed, so you eat dinner at 6.30 (with them already bathed), then he is responsible for bedtime. Wash up as you cook, and you'll be able to study from 7.00-10.30ish. Go for a run in the morning. 3.5 hours a day Mon-Fri knocks 17.5 hours off the study time. Then 7.5 hours on a weekend day.

You're right to be daunted.

You've overcommitted yourself

You are a FT SAHM, you also work one day a week, and you study.

So you are doing an exhausting thing all week (looking after either a baby and a toddler, or two toddlers), then on one of your two more restful days you are doing a full day's paid work. On top of that you have set yourself a goal of getting a qualification and need 25 hours or so of study time, during which you need to be alert and concentrating well to make the best of it.

On top of that, for some unknown reason, you have taken on a pointless hobby commitment of training for a half marathon.

You are already over-committed - why take that on now? It's just putting needless pressure on everything else. You can run for pleasure and fitness without putting a training plan on top of you, and arguably everyone in the family.

I'm a demon for this, but all the "it's doable" misses the point that
a. it's barely doable
b. with so little rest time, you won't have the mental space to do all (or maybe any?) of those things well
c. your life while doing all these "doable" things will be one long drudge - where's the fun time if you do all these hours dong things?

What are your priorities here?

Before scheduling all your time away in excel, sit down with a blank piece of paper and THINK about what matters most to you?

Is it enjoying (as much as possible ) the time with your children?

Well that is in direct conflict with being stressed.

Is it doing well at this course?

That requires more than adequate study time in a decent frame of mind.

What about the job?

Is it leading you somewhere you want to go? Or is it for money? If money, are there economies you could make to enable you to give it up?

The half marathon is just madness as far as I can see. Why voluntarily heap extra pressure on yourself now?

There are no prizes for running yourself ragged.

Be a bit kinder to yourself. If you're gong to do this study as well as looking after two such small children, you're going to need to be.

I work part time and study too. Being realistic, that does sound like an awful lot. You're going to have to be really disciplined to stick to it, it's going to take up over 11 hours a day. Will your DP help with housework? Is it absolutely necessary for you to work? I think you may well have to look for places where there is some give. E.g. letting your children have some TV time while you do a bit of studying or cutting back on the training. Can your DP take on some household tasks? Presumably he is looking after the little ones at the weekend and you say you struggle to do housework with them so he may do too.

You don't want to risk dropping out so think very, very carefully about this.

My other thought is that this schedule doesn't have any contingency scope: unless you know that if something happened (DH abroad for a week; DC fractures arm; DP gets flu...) you have loads of external support who would swing into action, where is the flex that will allow you to do something non-optional in addition to your current commitments?

I agree, whilst running is leisure time, and it's good you are committed to it, you need down time too. I couldn't do a good job of patenting and studying if I had to do them simultaneously. Is it all home study? Is your job a turn up and go through the motions thing or do you need to think and work hard? Is it essential for money or future career?

Agree dh needs to be signed up to this too but if he works f/t and has kids Saturday when you work, when does heget downtime too?

Can you run with tot in buggy? And accept that the run ing weds tone less serious till the studying is done?

Good point, Families. This is a very fragile structure you're building, OP.

It won't take much for the whole thing to come down around your ears.

And if that happens, from what you've drew robed the thing that will suffer is your studying.

Can you afford that?

*drew robed = described

How is this going to impact on your relationship? It sounds as if you won't have time to schedule even a 5 minute conversation with DH.

Either you will be looking after the kids or he will. There is no family time together and certainly no couple time. It will be as if you are both single parents. Sustainable for a short time but how will it affect your relationship in the long term?

Are there any other pre-schools near you that run in the afternoon?
I agree with the pp that if you could coincide dc1's 15 hours with dc2's naps that would give you an hour or so free each afternoon to either do some study, catch up on housework/prep dinner or potentially do some running (if dc2 will nap in buggy & you have one you can run with).

If not, maybe you can still have that time for study if dc1 is tired after preschool & has that as quiet time on their own with books/puzzles/cbeebies while dc2 sleeps & you study..

I'm going to be completely honest with you - I don't think it's loads, I think it's impossible. You will burn out. Particularly when you go to full time studying in the Summer.

You do not need to train for 5-8 hours a week for a half marathon.

I agree with the others who say this isn't sustainable, even if it's technically possible. I work 10-12 hours a week at home and have sole care of the children from 7 - 6ish and it was very difficult to fit the work in until I got some childcare sorted, and that was nothing like the amount of work you will be doing just with the studying, let alone the running.

It might sound possible but what will you do if you are unwell (more likely to happen when you're so busy and stressed) or the children are unwell, so take up even more of your time, or you need/want to visit relatives or chat to friends occasionally - you won't have any time in your schedule to do it and then you'll be worried that you're letting your studies slide. 25 hours would be three days at work, you already work one day a week in a paid job and you have 5 days of looking after children full time - that makes 9 days. I know you can fit a bit more in each day but I think most people would struggle to fit 2 full days of work in on top of what they already do (especially if they wanted any time off - this includes working/studying all weekend every weekend from what I can tell).

Is there a possiblity of doing the course over a longer period so you have fewer hours each week?

Well your running is your "leisure time" isn't it?

I think it depends whether you see your activity as work or leisure.

If you enjoy all of it, you won't get bored of it and as along as you get enough sleep you'll be fine.

However if it all starts to feel like a chore or you feel conflicted over which activity will take priority, it will stress you out.

For the running as someone mentioned earlier can you run with a buggy? You can get running pushchairs.

Personally I probably would not take all of this on but there again my interests are probably different too.

And don't forget you can always try it our and see. How much commitment do you have to make for the marathon? What is the last date you can decide to give it a miss? What happens if you give up your study? How much do you need to work?

^out not our. Typo.

I find it hard to believe you don't get anything done in the 45 hours. Although you have the DCs you are still free to plan your own time, go to the shops, do some housework, cook dinner, etc.

Be thankful you don't have to work full time. I finished a contract job before Christmas and was averaging 50 hours a week.

A good start would be to stop focusing on your 'lack' of time.

Hi OP, I am a LP and am studying for a degree on top of working 30 hours (not including commute). I'm not going to lie, it's extremely tiring and stressful (much more so than working f/t ime). Last year I couldn't fit in exercise at all so last week I sat and devised a schedule and have pencilled in 3 hours a week, not much but better than nothing.

I mainly study in the evenings but have to be very disciplined as all I really want to do come 8pm is collapse on the sofa. I'm also trying not be such a perfectionist, particularly where housework and study is concerned. Am trying to convince myself a pass is OK, doesn't have to be 95%!

My main problem is guilt at not spending enough time with ds so i try to make sure sat and sun afternoons are just for him even though I'm thinking ' I should be studying' in my head.

It's a massive balancing act, I just try my best to keep all the balls in the air and cross my fingers they don't all come crashing down.

Mn does make me laugh. Bloody hell op, 2 under 3s, shitloads of childcare, study, a job and a half marathon. Oh yeah, its fine as long as your healthy. if you can do it fair play, to me it sounds like something has to give.

Maybe it's hard to believe but the combination of my DC really doesn't allow me to do more than do some light housework and quick cooking here and there. Maybe I'm just a crappy household chore doer though and everyone else with 2 under 3s at home has an immaculate house and gets loads of stuff done at the same time. I simply don't. I can tell from how the DC are that in a years time that will be different and they will actually play together for stretches of time. For now, they don't. DC2 is in the wrecking the room in 2 minutes flat stage...

I don't "mind" doing it all because it's what I want. Well, I want to look after the children and I want to study (I enjoy it) and I want to do the half marathon, not just run. It might sound sad but I need that for myself.

In terms of going out to work, we could probably do without the money at a push but DH won't entertain that, he was making faces at me only going back one day. I'll also be completely honest and say that our relationship is not stable so I'm very keen to keep that job as I can increase my hours should I have to.

The state of our marriage is probably also the reason why I don't miss the couple time, that's fine, we are like two single parents living together in a way. I just need to find a way to make this work.

I don't need time to see family. I don't have any here, I'm from abroad. I only moved here for DH. Friends I catch up with at toddler groups or something. They are all just local mums too.

Funny how the views on here range from it's not doable to it's not very much.