Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad having seen a little girl given a dummy and a great big set of headphones thenparents sat an ate in a pub

317 replies

Bearbehind · 05/01/2015 19:02

We were in a pub at the weekend and sat beside a couple with a 2/3 year old girl in a pushchair.

Her parents tried to get her to go to sleep by covering the buggy with a blanket and rocking it but she was wide awake. She wasn't crying or cranky, she was just babbling away to herself and didn't really want to stay in the pushchair so they put her on a seat, put a massive pair of 'beats' type headphones on her, stuck a dummy in and plugged her into an iPad.

I fully appreciate its none of my business but it just made me sad that this was such an automatic reaction with a little girl who just wanted to interact rather than a last resort.

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/01/2015 10:48

It might be natural to judge but it's easy to hold back and think there could be mitigating circumstances. Unless one is desperate to be smug and judgy.

Bluecube1 · 06/01/2015 10:48

Elf, I'm sorry having to share the world with me makes you sad.

If children are being taught table manners three times a day, seven days a week, do not have sens, chronic illness, and have not just left hospital and are waiting on a train, then they should be able to interact with parents when eating out.

HappyAgainOneDay · 06/01/2015 10:48

OP would you have preferred if they'd let the child run around, getting in everyone's way?

Original poster
Bearbehind · 06/01/2015 10:48

In these cases where a child is wearing big headphones many of them WILL have SN, I'm afraid.

These weren't ear defender type headphones they were 'beats' type headphones just meant to be for a bigger child.

I admire all the benefit of the doubt posters and understand that there are circumstances where it might be a good thing but surely there are also many situations where it is nothing more than laziness.

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/01/2015 10:49

You can't tell which. So is kind to hold back on the judging.

Gileswithachainsaw · 06/01/2015 10:52

If children are being taught table manners three times a day, seven days a week, do not have sens, chronic illness, and have not just left hospital and are waiting on a train, then they should be able to interact with parents when eating out

so cos you did t see it it means they can't do it.

and I still maintain that a meal out and all the extended waiting times on can push even the easiest child.

A meal out can take up to two hours.

hell I get bored waiting and don't want to talk the entire time.

Original poster
Bearbehind · 06/01/2015 10:57

OP would you have preferred if they'd let the child run around, getting in everyone's way?

Not at all but it isn't the case that the only two behaviour options for children in a pub are running around or glued to Peppa Pig on an iPad is it? Hmm

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 06/01/2015 11:02

coming from someone who spends her time watching what others are doing rather than engaging her own family or friends in conversation I don't think your really one to judge tbh.

She was three. what's your excuse

TendonQueen · 06/01/2015 11:04

But OP didn't say this was at the tail end of a meal when child had got tired and cranky. It was from the start. Basically like putting a cloth over a parrot's cage.

Original poster
Bearbehind · 06/01/2015 11:05

Noticing what is happening in your direct eyeline doesn't distract from talking to other people at the same time.

OP posts:
Hurr1cane · 06/01/2015 11:06

I find it sad that instead of focusing on their own children, family or friends, some people prefer to sit and judge others. Seriously how do you even have time when you're out? I wouldn't even notice if someone had two heads. And, quite frankly, unless I was witnessing some kind of abuse, I couldn't bring myself to even care.

Hurr1cane · 06/01/2015 11:06

My direct eyeline is either on my child or my food Wink

Original poster
Bearbehind · 06/01/2015 11:08

It was only DH and I and people watching is part of going out isn't it Grin

OP posts:
MrsKoala · 06/01/2015 11:11

If children are being taught table manners three times a day, seven days a week, do not have sens, chronic illness, and have not just left hospital and are waiting on a train, then they should be able to interact with parents when eating out

Well my DS can't. So what? I'm clearly a shit, lazy parent? Hmm What should i do about that? How can i force ds to become more socially acceptable?

Sunday after a whole morning of 'interaction' round the forest, we all needed lunch. We always order quick easy things, but the queue was long and DS (2.4) had to wait about 25mins while strapped in the buggy. I could hear him shouting and squealing 'OUT' and see him squirming desperately trying to free himself. The cafe had lots of chocolate and ice creams low down at his eye height, so he was also shouting 'MUMMY CHOCLIT' and 'MUMMY ICEKEREEEM'. DH was frantically trying to 'chat' with him, and distract him with toys, but no. This place was way more exciting.

By the time i got our food over to them he was red, sweaty and almost past eating. We got some food into him and us and DH left with him to run around outside while i fed the baby. It was, as usual, a horrible stressful, but necessary experience (if we were to eat of course - which, y'know, we all need to do every now and then).

differentnameforthis · 06/01/2015 11:12

Earphones so the noise from the child apps don't disturb other diners.

Dummy for comfort for child.

And the problem is...?

If only others were as considerate about the noise they inflict on others..

Gileswithachainsaw · 06/01/2015 11:13

You do realise she could have been a complete nightmare all morning and the poor parents wanted five mins peace and some Dinner.

You recall an awful lot. more than what what you would see in a few fleeting glances. you must have been staring and ignoring dh

Gileswithachainsaw · 06/01/2015 11:15

Oh and maybe she has form.for being a pain in restaurants and by three they k ow how to not evacuate the entire dining area and leave still hungry

Original poster
Bearbehind · 06/01/2015 11:17

You recall an awful lot. more than what what you would see in a few fleeting glances. you must have been staring and ignoring dh

Really- you think noticing a child right in front of you have a blanket put over her to make her sleep then seeing her with a dummy, headphones watching an iPad is 'recalling an awful lot'?

Do you have tunnel vision or something?

OP posts:
MrsKoala · 06/01/2015 11:18

Not at all but it isn't the case that the only two behaviour options for children in a pub are running around or glued to Peppa Pig on an iPad is it?

I think that's exactly what the choice is for some children, regardless of how much interaction or witty repartee is on offer.

Gileswithachainsaw · 06/01/2015 11:19

No. I just happen to be dealing with my own family.

differentnameforthis · 06/01/2015 11:22

Our DD has just turned 4 and is perfectly capable of sitting at the table in a pub or restaurant for at least and hour, sometimes two. We have been doing this together since she was about 2 and a half. In fact, she loves eating out because it is a nice thing to do together. She enjoys ordering her own food, trying to read the menu and tasting new things. This has not happened by accident. It is because we have included her and why wouldn't we?

Awww....dd1 was exactly the same as this. She was so easy to take out & about. When tired she would just flop out & sleep where ever she was. SO EASY!! Then dd2 came along & no matter how much we followed what we did with dd1, dd would not sleep anywhere except in the car & her bed. And hated sitting still. She just did not want to sit still, she wanted to explore her world, which, rightly so, pisses off otehr diners. So not going out to eat v a phone...no contest. I am happy to report that at 6 she will now sit happily reading/drawing.

So as hard as you try, it isn't always going to follow that your child will sit still & shut up.

CantBeBotheredThinking · 06/01/2015 11:27

I admire all the benefit of the doubt posters and understand that there are circumstances where it might be a good thing but surely there are also many situations where it is nothing more than laziness.

Very true in some instances it is just laziness but without giving the parents an interrogation you can not judge the reason they are behaving how they are. As I stated earlier sometimes I need to eat out when my youngest is getting to the point of being over stimulated in those instances the best way of dealing with her is to ignore her completely and try to keep things calm the option is a full on meltdown, I know that I will look like I am just ignoring her to focus on my own things but the truth is I am ignoring her because at that point in time it is what is best for her, for her to deal with the situation. Unless something is out and out abuse then I find it easier not to judge.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 06/01/2015 11:33

then they should be able to interact with parents when eating out

I think you will find, teaching table manners, (and of course we have no idea what the standard of manners is from posters do we.....)

Is a process something to be learned over the course of time

You can sit with a toddler and show them the rudiments everyday but they are in a process called learning and are still not up to out and about standards....

Like learning to read.....you can read to and with your child every day, but they will still have to learn wont they, they don't just read.

Mrs K no! Your not a shit and lazy parent, I think the shit Lazy ones on here are those who see a fleeting snap shot of some poor peoples lives and just label and condemn them right off the bat.

By the way op, in the spirit of MN and it being a helpful site and all, how are you being helpful to people on here?

Because I find your op really distasteful and it seems to be upsetting people...Id love to hear the helpful slant of this.

Its hard enough for people to exist with dc in the UK I find it generally an intolerant country for children.

Now your judging a couple who are successful keeping their small child occupied and quiet and your still judging them.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 06/01/2015 11:41

Elf, I'm sorry having to share the world with me makes you sad

Thank you for apologising there Blue.

Maybe the parents for that hour don't want to converse with their child because they converse intensely with her all the time. Maybe they had had a very child centric morning, play park, toddler group etc and just wanted an hour of adult time.

Maybe they want to be lazy for an hour, and have an adult chat, maybe it was a birthday or anniversary?

I think we all have the right to eat in peace, without the evil eye upon us?

We can't get out at the moment, however if we were able too, I would hate to think our meal was marred by the poe faced, tight lipped, lemon sucking face giving us looks from afar, as part of their fun on their meal out....watching us and judging us staring at us, and making us feel uncomfortable.

Bluecube1 · 06/01/2015 11:44

I think the shit Lazy ones on here are those who see a fleeting snap shot of some poor peoples lives and just label and condemn them right off the bat.

Elf, isn't that exactly what you did when forming your opinion about me?

Swipe left for the next trending thread