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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad having seen a little girl given a dummy and a great big set of headphones thenparents sat an ate in a pub

317 replies

Bearbehind · 05/01/2015 19:02

We were in a pub at the weekend and sat beside a couple with a 2/3 year old girl in a pushchair.

Her parents tried to get her to go to sleep by covering the buggy with a blanket and rocking it but she was wide awake. She wasn't crying or cranky, she was just babbling away to herself and didn't really want to stay in the pushchair so they put her on a seat, put a massive pair of 'beats' type headphones on her, stuck a dummy in and plugged her into an iPad.

I fully appreciate its none of my business but it just made me sad that this was such an automatic reaction with a little girl who just wanted to interact rather than a last resort.

OP posts:
oddsocksmostly · 05/01/2015 19:18

Seems a good idea to me, if the child was due to sleep. I used to do something similar, putting headphones on my DC in busy places and they could listen to stories or nursery rhymes.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 05/01/2015 19:18

It would be great if the parents had interacted with the child and included her in the meal and conversation

But I am with my dd 24/7 she interacts with me all the time, what about a meal out with dh, who works long hours and is someone I dont get to interact with ?

sliceofsoup · 05/01/2015 19:18

Theres a restaurant local to me that gives portable DVD players and peppa pig DVDs to tables with kids. Its optional, and we declined, but I did think it was a good idea.

And my 2 year old loves my head phones and would think it was such a treat to get them all to herself.

Mintyy · 05/01/2015 19:18

It's not just you then Bearbehind - I hate seeing things like this also.

Of course it's just a snapshot of their lives and you can't make judgements on what you see for an hour or so. Of course, I fully accept that.

I still hate to see it though Grin.

When I was sitting through my dc 2 hours lessons at the swimming pool the other day, I had my eye on the sweetest toddler who was strapped in to her buggy the whole time while a man (possibly her father?) sitting next to her, spent the entire time hunched over his phone.

That made me sad too.

Give me my arse on a plate now MN!

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/01/2015 19:19

interact? ha ha ha Wtf do you think they do all day and probably had done for hours before they dare stop for lunch and dared to want to have a drink in peace.

Wotsitsareafterme · 05/01/2015 19:19

Yanbu about the dummy they are horrid.
Yabu about the ipad.both my dc would have been delighted with that arrangement!

hazeyjane · 05/01/2015 19:20

To be fair those are his ear defenders, of which he has several, all in bright yellow! But he does have a pair of over the ear headphones for his iPad as well, because the in ear ones freak him out (plus he snaps them for a past time) and I have a feeling that no one else wants to listen to the song, 'Lots and Lots of Firetrucks' in the restaurant.

R4roger · 05/01/2015 19:20

i judged this father walking his children home from school, glued to his phone, his boys looked like they really wanted to talk to dad Sad

Hurr1cane · 05/01/2015 19:20

Mine has those. Ipad and headphones. He has autism and cannot stand noises but he has to get used to being out of the house.

What would you suggest instead? Keep him inside and hidden? Or maybe allow him to scream in pain just so he looks 'normal'?

Marmiteandjamislush · 05/01/2015 19:21

What is it with all the Wonder Parent threads on here at the moment?! Confused YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVU op. For all you know that could have been their only bit of 'couple time' all week. If the child felt 'sad' about it, she'd have let them know. Seriously OP, you will not be a super parent all the time for the next 40+ years.

Discopanda · 05/01/2015 19:21

Hope you're wearing flame-proof undies OP ;-)

Mrsjayy · 05/01/2015 19:21

Audio engineer dd says the ginormous headphones distribute the sound better and are better for hearing damage than in ear phones

Lottapianos · 05/01/2015 19:22

Yes yes- judgypants, snapshot etc

I would feel the same OP. There are little kids everywhere who are glued to screens and they do not all have additional needs. I work with young children and their parents and I'm telling you, some parents do not know what to do with a child other than shove food or a screen at them. And I do find this sad and scary.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 05/01/2015 19:22

I had my eye on the sweetest toddler who was strapped in to her buggy the whole time while a man (possibly her father?) sitting next to her, spent the entire time hunched over his phone

he is lucky mine wont stay in a buggy not even walking, wont stay strapped in anywhere, waiting for older dc is a nightmare, constantly chasing round, constantly.

Only1scoop · 05/01/2015 19:23

Yanbu Id be very judgey ....in secret....

Aeroflotgirl · 05/01/2015 19:25

Yabvvvu mabey they wanted to eat their meal in peace without getting indigestion, running around a young child. Yes I am looking at you, nearly 3 ds Grin. That is only a snapshot of their life, I don't blame them tbh. In time the child will be older and understand more and will be able to join them at the table properly.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/01/2015 19:26

Yes my dd 7 has Autism and wears those big headphones to drown out extra noise.

Rebecca2014 · 05/01/2015 19:28

That is a great idea! thanks op!!

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 05/01/2015 19:29

DS does this in busy places, he is asd so it either that or a full blown meltdown.

londonrach · 05/01/2015 19:29

Yabu for all reasons mentioned already

BertieBotts · 05/01/2015 19:30

I think since they had tried to get her to nap and it wasn't working it was probably a version of "downtime" and/or they knew from experience she was likely to get extremely cranky very quickly.

Very sensible actually - I wouldn't have thought of the dummy and headphones.

Discopanda · 05/01/2015 19:31

I think OP's point is that they could have at least talked to their child a bit before zoning her out. I agree, it is tough, I can't go anywhere without crayons and a pack of raisins.

hoppus · 05/01/2015 19:31

If I saw this scenario I would assume the girl had eaten before (maybe so as to avoid people judging feeding a toddler pub food) and was due a nap. Parents saw opportunity to eat out but girl refused a nap (looks wide awake to you but her parents actually know her) so they gave her a quiet thing to do while they ate. I see nothing wrong there and don't know how you'd come to the conclusion her entire life is spent inside headphones. If it was I’m sure theyd have ones that fit Wink

ilovelamp2 · 05/01/2015 19:35

Well I agree, in part, with the OP. I totally get that it is up to us what we do with our own children and that yes in certain circumstances, it might be the only option. But that doesn't sound like what is happening here.

I genuinely do not understand why people bother taking their children out for meals if they are not going to talk to them. That is what you are supposed to do.

Our DD has just turned 4 and is perfectly capable of sitting at the table in a pub or restaurant for at least and hour, sometimes two. We have been doing this together since she was about 2 and a half. In fact, she loves eating out because it is a nice thing to do together. She enjoys ordering her own food, trying to read the menu and tasting new things. This has not happened by accident. It is because we have included her and why wouldn't we?

I know people will say that I sound smug and I don't mean to be but that is our experience of eating out.

I'm with you OP. I wouldn't have thought it was cruel or wicked but I would have thought it was a shame that they couldn't all enjoy the meal together.

BertieBotts · 05/01/2015 19:35

Disco, but not if she was due a nap. If she was wide awake and happy fair enough, but some kids are horrendous if they miss a nap. It's not always possible to get them to sleep when you want but a quiet rest is beneficial.