To feel sad having seen a little girl given a dummy and a great big set of headphones thenparents sat an ate in a pub

[Bearbehind]

We were in a pub at the weekend and sat beside a couple with a 2/3 year old girl in a pushchair.

Her parents tried to get her to go to sleep by covering the buggy with a blanket and rocking it but she was wide awake. She wasn't crying or cranky, she was just babbling away to herself and didn't really want to stay in the pushchair so they put her on a seat, put a massive pair of 'beats' type headphones on her, stuck a dummy in and plugged her into an iPad.

I fully appreciate its none of my business but it just made me sad that this was such an automatic reaction with a little girl who just wanted to interact rather than a last resort.

If you have been discharged from. hospital the last thing you want to do is hang around.

If you have lived of hospital food for however long your desperate for a proper meal.

I assume you have never eaten hospital canteen food?

And as my son spends a large chunk of his life ill sometimes going out to eat is a good activity for him as it is something which involves sitting down so no need to be active and when he is ill he becomes a fussy eater so if taking him out for a meal of something he fancies means he will eat that day I will take him if possible.

Some children have chronic illnesses and you can't keep them away from the world due to it!

Ds can be ill for a looooong time after he is actually ill. If he has a chest infection, or seizure like activity he can be tired, quiet and floppier than usual for weeks afterwards, life goes on, we have 2 other children and yes we might take him to a restaurant with his iPad and earphones, so that we can all enjoy some time out.

As I said up thread I understand there may be children that ipad etc is appropriate for. My point was that some parents just don't make the effort. With regard to hospital appointments/train times, these are a very specific set of circumstances.

But when other people decide to judge then they don't know those circumstances. Which is the problem with judging based on a tiny snapshot you don't know what it is you are actually judging

Not for you to decide what is appropriate tbh.

no one's child needs to have a checklist of approved conditions that allow people to use an ipad.

I'd take parents equipped with a phone or ipad over parents who let their kids run riot and assume others will watch them.

on busy days food can take a long time to turn up and then you have to wait for sauces or cutlery or for parents food to arrive too.

I don't believe anyone has a small child who can sit at a table with a colouring book for what can push to a two hour mark.

You are right some parents don't care about their children and see them as an inconvenience but seeing a toddler with headphones on or 9 yr old with a DS or 1byeat sitting in a buggy isn't something for complete randoms to get sad about.

1 year old*

I agree that the headphone family can't win. We suck our teeth in when seeing a child on ipad etc instead of conversing in a lively fashion with parents (well, my dcs were discussing politics at 2 years old...) and then have a seizure if a child is bothering other people in a restaurant.

I don't totally approve of plugging kids in to keep them quiet, but I'd rather they were in straightjackets than running round or rolling under the table.

Otoh I do hoist my judgy pants when I see older children with vacant zombie expressions sitting at a dinner table stabbing at their phones and not participating. At Christmas bil and sil visited with their 20-year-old dd. She barely spoke and just stared at her phone. She has done this at meals out, too, from her earliest days when instead of a phone it was one of those VTech things.

I don't believe anyone has a small child who can sit at a table with a colouring book for what can push to a two hour mark

for a child who has regular access to colouring anyway and with normal pens....to have a crayon is no big treat.

If parents don't care they dont care regardless of location. better to have them not caring with an ipad than not caring without and watching them not care that their kids are running riot.

I'm with you OP and Mintyy and co. I'm grateful to MN for making me more aware of what life is like with a child that has SNs - pushchairs, headphones and the like, but I think we forget that people with SNs are not the majority and in most of these kinds of instances, the child won't have them.

It sounds in this instance that even assuming the girl did have SNs, she was in a happy place, wanting to engage, and she was effectively 'shut down' by her parents. I don't know many 2/3 year olds that still need to nap at a certain time every day, but I know there are some. However, I think I would have not batted an eyelid had she been taken out, talked to, cuddled a bit, told that it would be good if she had a sleep as she seemed tired, and then given all the distractors.

I'm no way perfect when it comes to mine and my DCs use of gadgets, but it wouldn't bother me if people judged because they don't know me. I think, unfortunately, it's natural to judge.

Erm... 'my and my DCs use'

In these cases where a child is wearing big headphones many of them WILL have SN, I'm afraid.

When my son is tired all that talking and cuddling would send him into meltdown. And he didn't understand any speech at that age.

DS when in the right mood will sit and colour for hours. When we were on a cruise last year me and him sat drawing and intricate road network whilst waiting for food one night. The next he sat at talked. The next he just wanted to play Cbeebies.

There's a range of circumstances where it would be reasonable.
If it's purely a case of the parents not wanting to put an effort into interacting with their child then that is a bit sad. Without knowing a context, I can't form an opinion as to whether it's a wise or lazy, and we do live in a society where people do isolate themselves into their technology which isn't always a healthy habit.

Our eating out habits tend to revolve around a supermarket cafe where the interest of our 1.5 and 4 year old can be held. Ds2 is at the stage where he wants to walk after a short time so I end up walking with him so he isn't a mobile trip hazard and public nuisance. I doubt that use of tablets and earphones would work with him. Ds1 tends to end up getting frustrated and needing more help with it so it would be counter productive. He took a toy out which was more sociable as we were involved in it. It's better if children can be socially involved in eating out. (Terms and conditions apply)

dc1 was/is wonderful eating out at all stages other than aged 2 to early 3 and I avoided eating out at all during that age if I could but at about 3.5 became absolutely fine again.

Another thing about that age is that for dc1 if the sleep was missed midday the rest of the day was hell so maybe they were just trying to enforce the rest in the middle of the day so that fun could be had later.

Jazzhandsrule Mon 05-Jan-15 20:08:09

My point still stands, you are still saying It would be great if the parents had interacted with the child and included her in the meal and conversation

whether you admit to using ipads or tv.

I am still saying, but you have no idea how much this couple interact with their DC at all, so its still an unfair comment.

We can't even go for a hot chocolate in coffee shop even with older dc due to younger one our only chance is if she is asleep or showing signs.

Once she fell asleep in car just as leaving somewhere and we discussed going back, so we could all sit in peace but decided she may wake on transfer and it wasn't worth it. That < is the closest we have come to being able to sit, in peace with a lovely Hot Choc all winter.

I just find as I have an older DC too, all this stuff about interaction in that moment at that meal, is rubbish! We all interact now with her as she is old enough too...she is a highly intelligent well read young lady who is doing exceedingly well in school.

She has not missed out because at 2, she was asleep in a restaurant and we didn't interact with her all of the 5 times we were even able to eat out with her!

That's why it makes a difference if it is responding to circumstances temporarily or a blanket policy of shutting the child up, and they will be dependent on technology for entertainment through the years.
In an isolated example like the OP had referred to, we don't know which it is.

What about children who have the capability to learn table manners. Are lazy parents just going to let them do what they like?

Oh lord, we have to actually share the world with such people.

What about.....perhaps.....the other opportunities to learn table manners all of, 3 times a day every single day, 7 days a week? Breakfast lunch and dinner or is eating out the only environment where a child can possibly learn table manners?

Wotsitsareafterme Mon 05-Jan-15 19:19:37
Yanbu about the dummy they are horrid.
_

That's what my friend said when we both had babies. Her 10-year-old still sucks her thumb and needs a brace. DS's dummies went years ago.

In an isolated example like the OP had referred to, we don't know which it is

No we don't which is why its best to give them the benefit of the doubt.

primal

My first had dummy from start, we said we would never get one, then we thought, why not?
She had dummy and loved it until 3.5. Her teeth are fine and one week when we were busy we hid it and she forgot about it.

Second would not take dummy and has never had one.

There has been no difference between the two.

Aren't all headphones huge these days....I know the trendy ones are ....I don't have any ....

Quite fancy a pair though earmuffs with surround sound