Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 8 9 10 11 12 13

Original poster

To feel sad having seen a little girl given a dummy and a great big set of headphones thenparents sat an ate in a pub

317 replies

Bearbehind · 05/01/2015 19:02

We were in a pub at the weekend and sat beside a couple with a 2/3 year old girl in a pushchair.

Her parents tried to get her to go to sleep by covering the buggy with a blanket and rocking it but she was wide awake. She wasn't crying or cranky, she was just babbling away to herself and didn't really want to stay in the pushchair so they put her on a seat, put a massive pair of 'beats' type headphones on her, stuck a dummy in and plugged her into an iPad.

I fully appreciate its none of my business but it just made me sad that this was such an automatic reaction with a little girl who just wanted to interact rather than a last resort.

OP posts:

chdmum20 · 07/01/2015 13:13

i always make sure i have ipad, phone or dvd player when takin my dd3 to a restaurant to keep her entertained call me a bad parent but it works !

ShadowsShadowsEverywhere · 07/01/2015 13:24

Do none of you judgey adults never plug yourselves into tech to get a bit of a break from the world?
I'm an introvert, big time, and I only function being out and about all the time because I have a book, MP3 player and iPad in my bag and every chance I get I plug myself in for a bit which is often lunches or coffees when DD is at nursery, DS is napping and I can just switch off for a bit.
I need that break, I get stressed and cranky without it.
Kids can get overstimulated if they are out doing things all day then out for a meal then off to playgroup etc. My god, I couldn't cope with all that let alone a small child!

Judge not lest ye be judged ... Or something ;)

Hurr1cane · 07/01/2015 13:30

No never. I don't even MN

Actually... About that, loads of people on devices posting on forums judging children on devices doing educational games...

But dodgy that right?

Summeblaze · 07/01/2015 13:31

YABU and judgey. Just because this time the child was plugged doesn't mean they always are.

I have 3 dc. One is 10, middle is 7 and has sn and youngest is 2.5. I bring all sorts of things with me when I go out to eat with them. Sometimes they use all the colouring in stuff, eat the snacks, and get plugged in. Other times nothing gets used. My middle child uses electronic devices on a regular basis , way more than the others. All my dc are extremely sociable but he is the most sociable.

I am also a SAHM and my life revolves around my dc. Me and DH are passing ships in the night sometimes so going out to eat somewhere and the dc's entertaining themselves is lovely.

PurpleStripedSock · 07/01/2015 13:37

It would have shocked me too. Having seen all the responses, I can see we are in the minority but I can't imagine plugging my kid in (either dummy or headphones) when at 2/3 she could interact and enjoy our time as ate together as a family in a pub. If it was a long haul flight or if she had started kicking off at some point then I can imagine 'doing whatever it takes' to distract and entertain her but otherwise, personally, yuck.

ShadowsShadowsEverywhere · 07/01/2015 14:01

haha Hurr1cane I don't MN either

Hurr1cane · 07/01/2015 14:04

I do wonder if olden day parents wouldn't let their children use ink and paper as it was the work of the devil and a slate was the only way to go.

MrsKoala · 07/01/2015 14:27

it is indeed possible to bring some other small toys along - not just the ubiquitous pencils - what about small cars/dolls etc etc!

babybarrister - my 2.4 yo will not play with any toys when out. they get hurled across the room. he just wants to run around and any form of distraction just makes him worse. I know it's hard for people who have not had children like this to understand. But it is true. he is just a ball of energy.

when at 2/3 she could interact and enjoy our time as ate together as a family in a pub

Purple - that's the point tho, as you say your dd COULD interact, so lucky you, crack on with that and happy eating etc. Mine CANNOT.

Why can't people just accept that there ARE NT children out there, who developmentally are not there yet at 2/3 and they need more to keep them occupied? Despite all my best efforts this is the case for us. Altho we haven't tried an ipad recently. So may try that again thanks to this thread.

Queen - Any games suggestions welcome. DS like Thomas/Trains and Cars - things which have wheels and crash move. A friend tried to distract him (at a toddler group) with a peppa pig posting letters game. He looked from me to her as if to say 'wtf is this load of old boring bollox?' then ran off and repeatedly smashed his 'buggle' against the radiator shouting CRASH while her 2yo sat and played with it quetly

ShadowsShadowsEverywhere · 07/01/2015 15:50

My DD has sensory issues and also pica so crayons are a huge fat NO because she will sit and eat the whole pot like they are chips!
She struggles with imaginative play, and gets overwhelmed by situations with lots of noise or people. No diagnosed SNs though (although nursery and I are pretty sure she's slightly on the spectrum) so you'd be judging me like hell because I either have to performance parent to keep her focused on me and help her drown out everything else or I plug her into things.
So I definitely can't win.

Luckily for me I stopped giving a fuck what anyone thought a long time ago but it really is sad that we can't just support fellow parents. We all have bits we struggle with. I'd far rather a parent get a break from their child by sticking them on an iPad for an hour at dinner, than that parent not get a break and feel like they can't cope. There's a whole barrel of stress in parenting; potty training, PND, sleepless nights, SNs, tantrumming
The there's the independent factors; relationship issues, money problems, redundancy, benefit cuts, DV.
Parents do whatever they have to in order to get through each day. You judging someone for taking a break may be judging the only hour downtime they will have that day. I'd hope we are all raising our kids to be empathetic, understanding, treat everyone as they wish to be treated etc. so why can't we model that by resisting the urge to judge those around us.

Hurr1cane · 07/01/2015 16:27

At the moment I'm annoyed with the mum of the children sat across from us who are taking the piss out of DS because he can't walk unaided while she chats on the phone so I can't even tell her it's happening.

Floggingmolly · 07/01/2015 16:34

Interrupt her bloody phonecall!!

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 07/01/2015 16:51

Why can't people just accept that there ARE NT children out there, who developmentally are not there yet at 2/3 and they need more to keep them occupied?

Indeed Mrs K why not...why cant they grasp this?.......

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 07/01/2015 16:52

I have a ball of energy too!

Hurr1cane · 07/01/2015 17:05

I just gave one of the kids the teacher look and he went bright red and whispered something to the other and they stopped. None of those kids were plugged in. Mine was, yet I was doing a hell of a lot more interacting with him and he was much more aware of his environment than their mum who was on the phone.... Unfortunately for him.

5madthings · 07/01/2015 17:10

Ooh game/app suggestions is good idea! My dd (4) has one.that is animal jigsaws she really likes and the drawing ones. What other ones do people recommend, preferably free!

Let's turn the thread into.a resource for good apps to.entertain small people! For.slightly older kids mine like minion rush and temple run, along with the usual minecraft type games.

Timetoask · 07/01/2015 17:12

I agree with you op. I see it all the time when I leave my gym, I walk past the coffee shop area to leave and invariably there will be mother looking at her phone while the toddler is eating crap and looking at an iPad. Very sad

hazeyjane · 07/01/2015 17:13

5madthings - anything by Toca Boca is great, they are usually around the £1.50 mark, but often do free offers - Toca Monsters and Toca Hair Salon are 2 of my dcs favourites.

hazeyjane · 07/01/2015 17:14

...ooh good are we judging what the poor plugged in children eat as well - great!

ShadowsShadowsEverywhere · 07/01/2015 17:17

Sound box, that's a fab app for tinies. They tap the screen and coloured balls appear to represent sound. They can then tip the tablet and the balls move, making sound as they hit each other/the edges and if they press and hold a ball it cracks open and an animal pops out my two fight over it all the time so it's a big hit in our house. (Nearly 4yo and nearly 2yo)

5madthings · 07/01/2015 17:20

Ooh the sound fab, madthing5 is now.on.the tablet whilst I sit in.the shed having a fag, how's that for classy parenting! She has been at pre school all day, then two miles home so she is knackered and was heading for major stropsville until I gave her the tablet! Now to make fish finger sandwiches for dinner, nice and easy as dp is at work till 11pm, do I win crap parent of the day

ShadowsShadowsEverywhere · 07/01/2015 17:22

time are you the woman today that tutted at me for giving 2yo DS a bag of chocolate buttons? Unbeknownst to everyone else, seeing as I don't make public announcements about the minutiae of my life on a loud speaker, he had just been incredibly good with his puffers. Ten doses via a spacer and each dose needs a count of five before I can administer the next one. He used to need to be pinned down in a towel and would be sick afterwards and today he sat there nicely and let me do it. So he got chocolate.

Tbf though I give my DCs crap food on a semi regular basis ... Everything in moderation and all that.

I'm quite young as well, would you like to judge that?
And a lone parent
And on benefits
And I have pets despite being on benefits (not a goat though)

I'm sure I'll think of some more in a minute

ShadowsShadowsEverywhere · 07/01/2015 17:25

Ooh I love fish finger sarnies 5
I can probably beat that though, am ill with cold and really cba so DS and I had a lasagne ready meal for lunch with hot chocolates and cherry bakewells for pudding

Sirzy · 07/01/2015 17:31

DS won't eat most 'crap' (Unfortunatly that would make life easier at times!) does that mean it is ok for him to play on the iPad then?

Hurr1cane · 07/01/2015 17:48

DS won't eat much crap either. Well annoying. I have to actually cook and that's really dull. He will eat pizza though. Mmmmmm pizza, and cake.

Bet he's slimmer than most humans and all can see his back ribs, even though he's plugged in while in noisy places, he still does disability sports every single day after school

Hurr1cane · 07/01/2015 17:50

However much people would like to think that just because he owns an iPad and a pc he mustn't exercise or play.

Flip

1 2 ··· 8 9 10 11 12 13