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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad having seen a little girl given a dummy and a great big set of headphones thenparents sat an ate in a pub

317 replies

Bearbehind · 05/01/2015 19:02

We were in a pub at the weekend and sat beside a couple with a 2/3 year old girl in a pushchair.

Her parents tried to get her to go to sleep by covering the buggy with a blanket and rocking it but she was wide awake. She wasn't crying or cranky, she was just babbling away to herself and didn't really want to stay in the pushchair so they put her on a seat, put a massive pair of 'beats' type headphones on her, stuck a dummy in and plugged her into an iPad.

I fully appreciate its none of my business but it just made me sad that this was such an automatic reaction with a little girl who just wanted to interact rather than a last resort.

OP posts:
Hurr1cane · 05/01/2015 20:34

Yeah I'm getting shirty, because people would be 'sad' to see me preventing my child being in pain because their children can cope with noise. Well done.

I sit up all night every night watching my child for seizures or turning blue. I spend all day with him doing some therapy or another. I don't get a break, I don't get to socialise much at all, I don't even get to go to work because he comes first.

Yet people would look at me and find it 'sad' and assume I'm a bad mother.

How is that a nice thing to do?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 05/01/2015 20:34

One persons "militant anti judger" is another's poor parent, who has to use headphones when out with their child, feeling crap reading that loads of people judge them if they see them.

BauerTime · 05/01/2015 20:34

I don't see how letting a child use an iPad or a crayon at a table differs tbh. If someone who uses a tablet as a child in a restaurant will turn into an adult who does, why aren't there more adults sitting at pizza express with a colouring-in book? Surely both are just ways of getting a child to sit still so you can eat a hot meal?

ilovelamp2 · 05/01/2015 20:35

Sorry fanjo - not sure what you mean there Confused

machair · 05/01/2015 20:35

On the face of it, would make me sad too. Far too old to have a dummy. And I hate seeing children with i-pads (what did Steve Jobs say?). So important for children to spend quality time with their parents, including when out and about. But then we don't know their side of the story.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 05/01/2015 20:36

Tendonqueen well for some it's the best they can get. And they'd probably love to sit and engage with their kids.

My DD won't use headphones so not including self. But people should really think before blanket judging.

treaclesoda · 05/01/2015 20:39

I have a child who has always been amazing in restaurants. Sat and chatted to us as soon as she was able to talk, asked about the food etc. To my eternal shame, I thought it was all about us setting her a good example, the joy of eating out and enjoying each other's company. Then I had a second child and discovered that far from having discovered the secret of perfect parenting, I had actually just been very very lucky. I would stick giant headphones on dc2 and plug him into an iPad in a heartbeat if it meant dh, dc1 and I could enjoy a civilised dinner.

stopgap · 05/01/2015 20:39

If you saw my 3-year-old DS (SPD and possibly ASD) on a flight last week, you might have eye rolled at the fact he watched movies back to back for eight hours. But it's either that or supreme meltdowns/panic attacks because flying utterly overwhelms him. You wouldn't know that on an average day we paint, read tons of books, go for nature walks, and watch the telly for just thirty minutes. The girl in the pub could very well have been special needs, too.

IdontusuallyNC · 05/01/2015 20:39

My kids eat the crayons,all the kids do even the older ones. Tbh I fight the urge

Original poster
Bearbehind · 05/01/2015 20:40

bauer you've hit the nail on the head in that I totally disagree which is why I felt the way I did.

Colouring in is creative whilst plugging headphones into an iPad isnt.

I totally agree that sometimes there are special needs but I very much doubt that was the case in this instance. The parents just took her from the buggy and put the screen in front of her.

I accept that I cant possibly know for sure and this thread has shown that people have differing opinions on it anyway.

OP posts:
stopgap · 05/01/2015 20:41

PS My boy is fantastic in supermarkets and restaurants, so we don't ipad under such circumstances, but if the need arose...

Snappynewyear · 05/01/2015 20:42

Our under 2 year old would not sit down and eat and we spent forever trying to enjoy a big family meal while chasing him around the restaurant. He would keep staring at the other diners who were mostly ok with this.

Where to you buy those big headphones?

glampinggaloshes · 05/01/2015 20:42

I am a single parent. My daughter is 2. I can count on 2 hands the meals out I hAve had in the last 2 years. A 2 year old is most unlikely to sit at a table and have a jolly chat for An hour. My entire free time is my daughters. My life is about meeting her needs 24-7. If I turn on the iPad at the end of her meal out to talk for 15 mins to a friend you are in no position to judge me frankly. Or anyone else whose life you judge in a lunchtime.

Mrsjayy · 05/01/2015 20:42

Steve jobbs was quite happy to sell app for children though. A set of parents enjoy a bit of dinner while their toddler watches peppa pig is not poor parenting they just want to eat their dinner as someone else said folk moan when kids are running about when they ipads phones parents can't do right for doing wrong

MabelBee · 05/01/2015 20:47

My 3 year old needs a dummy, headphones, sunglasses, a pushchair and a massive couch cushion to cope with being out in public. Judge away you smug bastards with your perfect nt kids. I see the looks you give us when we are trying to have some semblance of a pleasant meal out and fuck you.

RiverTam · 05/01/2015 20:48

glam - but this child had 2 parents with her, so your situation is not the same at all.

marne2 · 05/01/2015 20:48

How Sad that so many of you can judge a situation when knowing nothing about it. Who are you to judge what a parent allows their child to do to keep them comfortable and happy? Who are you to say 'that childs too old for a dummy' when you know nothing about the child or its needs? My child had a dummy until she was quite old, she still has it at night for 5 minutes at the age 8, she has ASD and SPD ( sensory processing disorder ), she puts things in her mouth, she finds chewing and sucking helps her relax. It makes me feel very sad that people are judging, maybe you should walk in my shoes, listen to the whispering, the pointing and the laughing because my child is wearing headphones of has something in her mouth to calm her down.

BauerTime · 05/01/2015 20:49

Colouring might be more creative than watching a cartoon on an iPad I agree, but that's not why you give a child a crayon in a restaurant. You give them an activity, ANY activity, in a restaurant to keep them occupied/quiet/in one place etc.

Not everything your child does needs to be creative/educational/for the greater good. Sometimes kids need to be kept quiet, or be calmed down, or whatever and what's the problem if the parents choose to do that so they can enjoy a meal?

Only1scoop · 05/01/2015 20:55

If I'd have given dd ....headphones ....iPads....gadgets to play with at 2 she would now expect them to be handed out every time I eat out with her I'm sure....

I'm glad I started as I mean to go on.

glampinggaloshes · 05/01/2015 20:58

Really all you standing in judgement. How do you start judging parenting on a moment in a family's life. Unbelievable. Truly. There is real child abuse out there to worry your busy little heads about. Focus on the big stuff and whip of those ever so slightly smug and quite unbecoming, Ill informed judgey pants

EveDallasRetd · 05/01/2015 20:59

Colouring in is creative whilst plugging headphones into an iPad isnt

On the iPad today DD has made 7 Magazine Covers ranging from the wedding of the century between her and MuttDog, to "Get fit like DH, he shows you how inside" (Sadly I seem to be relegated to a bit part rather than cover star)

She's made 13 asymmetric drawings (some of which admittedly look like sneezes)

She's designed 3 outfits for 'college girls', decorated their dorm, built them a networking space and started building their Japanese Water Garden Meditation Space.

She's currently putting her 'Boo' to bed after playing word and dexterity games with it.

Pretty creative I'd say.

Mrsjayy · 05/01/2015 21:06

Maybe the parents had been creative all day before they went out

lambsie · 05/01/2015 21:08

When I am eating out I tend to concentrate on the person/people I am with and not what the family on the next table are doing.

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/01/2015 21:11

I reckon we should all get t shirts and write a checklist on with a laundry pen.

museum - check
discussing war and peace - check
counting to 100 - check
hummus and olives - check

NOW LET ME WATCH PEPPA! !!

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 05/01/2015 21:18

Colouring in is creative whilst plugging headphones into an iPad isnt.Grin

Op, are you 2. Really!

Does a child have to be creative every min of every day! You have no idea how creative or whatever these parents are with their dc. You have no idea what they were doing immediately prior to their lunch.

The arrogance is breathtaking.

A shitty crappy crayon that my children have always hated BTW as they are crap is something meaningful to you.....

I just feel sooo sorry for these people I really do. They had obv come out for lunch and well prepared to make sure the child would not disturb anyone.

Good on them. The child was happy, peacefully babbling, they were happy able to eat and talk and be with each other, in peace and most other diners were happy too, most other diners...

I am not a fan of tablets for small dc I am not a fan of screen time at all, but in these instances it has its place for me.