To feel sad having seen a little girl given a dummy and a great big set of headphones thenparents sat an ate in a pub

[Bearbehind]

We were in a pub at the weekend and sat beside a couple with a 2/3 year old girl in a pushchair.

Her parents tried to get her to go to sleep by covering the buggy with a blanket and rocking it but she was wide awake. She wasn't crying or cranky, she was just babbling away to herself and didn't really want to stay in the pushchair so they put her on a seat, put a massive pair of 'beats' type headphones on her, stuck a dummy in and plugged her into an iPad.

I fully appreciate its none of my business but it just made me sad that this was such an automatic reaction with a little girl who just wanted to interact rather than a last resort.

We were in Florida, by the way, so possibly more of the "parents on vacation and therefore giving themselves a break" usage of devices going on!

How do you know which ones have and haven't though? They don't wear badges. Best just not to be so judgemental. It could be your child, would you like to read threads like this if it was?

Actually I suspect that in most cases the child is fine, just a child.

And I would judge because that is human and that is what humans do. And yes, I may well be wrong and would be happy to be told otherwise.

But given that the op says the kid was first in a pushchair then taken out and given headphones and an iPad, I'm willing to bet that there was no need for them. It was for the parent's benefit.

Exactly Hearts. If we're not careful, those constantly plugged in kids will grow in to constantly plugged in adults with no table manners! Glad to hear someone else 'admitting' to having kids who can be 'good in restaurants' - was beginning to think it was a crime in itself ...

Iggly you might judge for ridiculous things, but I'm too busy concentrating on my own child to concern myself. Frankly if you're all so busy talking to your children I don't see how you find the time to judge.

I don't, I'm busy watching my own child.

We never bring an iPad out with our children if we are going out for a meal, they are 3 and 6 and we include them in the conversation or they colour in. That said, if we are taking a long time and they have sat nicely we allow them on our phone for the last ten mins.

I do think parents rely on iPads, tablets etc far too much and then wonder why their childen misbehave and lack table manners!!!

So yabu to feel sad by this, but others have pointed out there could be many reasons why the parents decided to give their child the iPad on that occasion.

I guess it's personal preference and is sad to some. It's not something I would do personally. We have just been for a meal as a family and ds who is the same age sat and babbled and giggled and ate his food in his high chair. We left when he got a bit raucous in the end but we were all full. If I wanted to go for a meal and ignore my kids I'd get a babysitter (this rarely to never happens) or order in a takeaway. That said, they may be exhausted and we all make different choices.

How is it ridiculous to judge such a think? It would be a snap judgement and I'd move on. I wouldn't sit there gawping. I would think "wtf?" then carry on with my meal.

People judge me I am sure.

DS was the most talked to, interacted with, baby Mozarted, imaginatively played with Earth mothered child I knew.

But still, on holiday, when eating out and it was bedtime or nap time I would put sunglasses on him in his buggy so that he thought it was dark., and tried to get him to sleep. The poor child couldn't be expected to make intellectual conversation with us at every single meal, surely?

It's a wonder I didn't end up on MN.

YABU

It's totally unnecessary. It's so much simpler to turn toddlers loose and when then play up shoot disapproving glances at the people on the next table so everyone thinks they're theirs.

Because it is. What's the point?

There's no need to sound so angry at other posters Hurr1cane. No one is being unkind to you or your family. As for how I might feel if my DD had SEN and I read a thread similar to this, I have no idea but I know I wouldn't feel personally attacked as you seem to. We can all only comment on our own experiences and use these to evaluate if the OP is BU or not. I' m sure no one means to offend you.

Dd is 4.5 when we go out to eat she colours....stickers....chats....etc

We have never given her the iPad or headphones when we go out to eat. This is how it's always been and I'm glad she has good social skills.

I wouldn't sit in a restaurant Beats by Dre stylie and neither would my dc.

In ear headphones would not be suitable for a two/ three year old.

I'd think that was sad too, OP.

Guffawing at 'Beats by Dre Stylie'! What by who?!

I'm not angry or offended. I just think it's pointless and ridiculous to judge someone for something like that. It doesn't even have any influence on manners etc.

Yes my son might be plugged in while out like that, but at home or school or quiet places, he is the most polite and well behaved child I know. He never forgets a please or thank you.

People seem to be making massive jumps and judgements for no reason, and then get shirty when they are judged for being unkind about other parents.

No ilove I certainly don't mean to offend. I'm just being honest! I see something, I will judge, I forget about it.

Ilovelamp I think you might feel criticised if you had to do something to be able to eat out with your child and there was a whole thread of posters judging people who do it.

I don't think I would judge the parents. Like others have said, you don't know what they might have done as a family before they sat down for the meal. You cannot entertain your toddler all day or you'll go mad. I'm coming out of 2 weeks of christmas holidays with a 3year old (perhaps they were too) and it is bloody hard work entertaining them/interacting with them constantly.

A child turned up to the school play I was directing. Her brother had a big part. She watched it with huge headphones on. I just assumed she was super sensitive to noise (perhaps autistic) and thought very highly of her parents for bringing her along and not hiding her away at home. Her brother was delighted she was there listening to "her" music and not him singing.

I think I sort of judge the behaviour on a macro level IYKWIM, as in I don't think it is the best idea in general to always be plugging in your DC, but I hope I wouldn't judge an individual e.g. I'd hate to think I would sit there judging another parent and saying to myself or DH "Oh look at that will you, what a horrible mother she is, poor child"

I hope.

I would also find it sad, OP. And it's the militant anti-judgers who are the ones getting shirty (and ironically, then themselves getting judgy about other posters) in my view, Hurricane.

Me too Iggly. I'm sure people judge me too - as long as I don't hear what they're saying it's fine with me! Sometimes I think 'judge' has come to mean something different. It doesn't have to mean that you actually act upon how you view someone/something or treat them any differently -we might just see/hear something and think 'yeah, I can see what that's a good idea' or 'no, not keen on that' and then as you say 'forget about it.'

fanjo You're not really eating out with your child under these circumstances, though, are you? You're eating out, and your child happens to be in the same place but isn't participating.