Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad having seen a little girl given a dummy and a great big set of headphones thenparents sat an ate in a pub

317 replies

Bearbehind · 05/01/2015 19:02

We were in a pub at the weekend and sat beside a couple with a 2/3 year old girl in a pushchair.

Her parents tried to get her to go to sleep by covering the buggy with a blanket and rocking it but she was wide awake. She wasn't crying or cranky, she was just babbling away to herself and didn't really want to stay in the pushchair so they put her on a seat, put a massive pair of 'beats' type headphones on her, stuck a dummy in and plugged her into an iPad.

I fully appreciate its none of my business but it just made me sad that this was such an automatic reaction with a little girl who just wanted to interact rather than a last resort.

OP posts:
ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 05/01/2015 19:35

I think OP's point is that they could have at least talked to their child a bit before zoning her out

but what if they had been talking to her nad playing and interacting and reading her shakespear all morning and wanted some peace for themselves and talking to the child who is due a nap is further stimulus?

Namechangeyetagaintohide · 05/01/2015 19:37

God perhaps the parents wanted to eat in peace. How shocking.

Seriously I think it's a good idea. I can remember having story tapes and similar when I was small.

BertieBotts · 05/01/2015 19:38

ilovelamp, perhaps they can't afford to do it all the time? My own DS has awful table manners when we go out because we just can't afford to do it very often and he gets too excited. It would be lovely to take children out to restaurants all the time and acclimatise them, but 1, not everyone can afford to do that and 2, maybe they are not the "eating out" type and don't find it that enjoyable to want to train their DC on how to behave in that situation, they'd rather just wait until they are old enough to have it explained to them.

hazeyjane · 05/01/2015 19:38

That is great, ilovelamp, but not all children can do this and not knowing anything about the family and the child in the op, I would prefer to get on with my meal and not judge other people having theirs.

meltedmonterayjack · 05/01/2015 19:39

If I knew there were no SN then I would find it sad. If you go out to eat as a family then you shouldn't prevent one member from hearing what's going on or discourage them from talking and from eating with everyone else imo. Even if the little girl had already eaten, she could have still been given a teeny bit of something to eat and drink just to be sociable.

If you swapped the scenario around and replaced the very young child with a very old woman who was pushed in in a wheelchair, earphones plonked over her ears, not given anything to eat or drink and discouraged from engaging with the rest of her family, would that make a difference to what you thought about the scenario?

hoppus · 05/01/2015 19:40

You don’t know that they don’t usually eat together. My toddler eats out with us occasionally but if she was due a nap and I started engaging her in the conversation, sharing my food, etc she would get overexcited, overtired, start screaming. Which would lead to being judged.

There’s no way to parent in public without someone judging you for something so may aswell go with the easiest option and throw fuck-off eyes at anyone staring.

BertieBotts · 05/01/2015 19:40

Also when you are short on money it feels horrible when you spend good money on a meal for your child and they barely even try it and then are still hungry. If I knew my child was fussy I would feed them something I knew they would like and encourage them to nap too. All well and good to encourage new things, and we have done this when we had the money to waste and it didn't matter, but if going out is a rare occurrence to be enjoyed, it's not really a priority.

QueenTilly · 05/01/2015 19:41

They sell special child-safe earphones with limited volume settings now.

I'm impressed with anyone who has a toddler who doesn't fiddle their earphones/headphones to death.

ssd · 05/01/2015 19:42

I can remember taking ds1 out when he was a toddler and him never giving me a minutes peace, I would have killed for a pair of headphones and an ipad but unfortunately they hadn't been invented yet

Disastronaut · 05/01/2015 19:42

YABVU.

My DD is 14 months & her father & I have been pretty much desperate for 5 minutes of peace over the Xmas holidays. We never stop bloody interacting with her!

Yesterday's pub lunch was eaten in series as each of us took a turn at wrangling her.

When she gets to the age of being able to play by herself with an iPad - with or without headphones, dummy, portable circus - bring it on.

BertieBotts · 05/01/2015 19:44

Melted, an old woman is totally different! If a child needs a nap they need a nap. If they won't/can't nap then you give them quiet time. If you can't do this, then invariably you end up with hell either immediately or later on. It was a very ingenious way of giving a child quiet time in a busy, distracting public place IMO.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 05/01/2015 19:46

Ok well then, how about older kids? The 5, 6, 8, 11 year olds who are constantly plugged in? Like we saw all over the place over the past 2 weeks (ate out a lot due to being on vacation).

Perhaps because they never learned the art, over time, of sitting and chatting and interacting with other people at the table without the constant distraction of a fucking screen.

Namechangeyetagaintohide · 05/01/2015 19:47

I'm also amazed at the judging of a parent on the phone while taking the kids to school/home from school.

Sometimes life goes on even if you have kids. Phone calls have to be taken for work/emergencies etc. kids may well want to talk but that's tough.

In my family there was children time and adult time. We had to sit and get on with it while the adults talked and not interrupt. Not as a toddler obviously but 3-4 onwards.

LynetteScavo · 05/01/2015 19:47

We could never go out for a meal with ds1 as it would be too much for him when he was little. He struggled the other evening when we were out. He's 16yo. If he could have put on some headphones and liked at an iPad hex have been much happier.

I'm impressed the parents the OP described came so prepared. Well done then! And bully for all of you who have DC who enjoy a restaurant atmosphere and can sit still for a couple of hours making conversation. You got lucky.

Hurr1cane · 05/01/2015 19:47

Mines 8. Older kids can still have special needs.

Again, I'm not causing my child pain just to pacify some nasty judgmental adults who should know better.

Sorry about that.

Iggly · 05/01/2015 19:48

Well going.against the general view I say yanbu. It is sad.

How will your child learn about socialising etc if you do that? And if kid is too young then don't eat out with them.

I have a 5&3 year old. No way would I do that to either of mine. Me and DH have to work hard to keep them interested - we have to talk to them, play games etc but it is about teaching them how to sit and eat nicely.

forago · 05/01/2015 19:50

tbh I'd much prefer to see this than the usual thing where people give them an iPad whacjed up full volume so you have to endure listening to peppa pig whilst trying to eat, sunbathe, read etc

Hurr1cane · 05/01/2015 19:50

'It's about teaching them to sit and eat nicely'

Oh? I thought it was about his sensory processing disorder and extremely sensitive ears?

Clearly the professionals are wrong.

By the way my child could sit and eat with me age 2. It was only when his brain failed age 4 causing him countless health and neurological problems that he couldn't.

It can happen to anyone at any time, so best to not screw on your judgy pants so tight.

WhereIsMyFurryHat · 05/01/2015 19:52

I wish my kids would stay still if I have them a dummy and headphones. If it works and you manage a nice meal I'm all for it.

ilovelamp2 · 05/01/2015 20:00

That's a fair point about the cost Bertie. I guess that DD is 'good in restaurants' because she has had practise! Not that were mitchellin starin' it by any stretch - just potato skins, pizza/ pasta and ice cream for a fiver but still, not free. This is what we did on New Year's Eve at about 5pm with family. Even then, her cousins (all same age or older) were immediately 'plugged in' on arrival when I know from family meals in grand parent's houses that they are perfectly capable of joining in the conversation or talking amongst them selves. To be honest, I think my brother and SIL just wanted a child free meal - so why bring them?!

I do think that sometimes it is just the easy (and slightly lazy) option. As several posters have said, a meal out is a luxury and to be enjoyed. If the kid/s aren't old enough to enjoy it, don't do it yet. I know that not everyone has ready and willing babysitters but kids do sleep at some point in the night! When DD was younger we cooked some lovely meals and made a restaurant atmosphere at home - better than struggling with a child who doesn't want to be there - and cheaper too.

all this talk of eating out is making me sooo hungry

CantBeBotheredThinking · 05/01/2015 20:03

90% of the time that we eat out my 3yo will be sat at the table taking part in any conversation going on however the other 10% she is too tired and needs down time thing is that to an outsider it wouldn't be obvious that she is tired since the signs are small, she gets a bit more babbly, she is a bit more lively (not quite the right word but closest I can think of) I might try this trick myself it would probably work with her.

Shedding · 05/01/2015 20:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iggly · 05/01/2015 20:08

Maybe for you Hurr1cane but what about all the other children who do not have sensory issues and are plugged in? I see it all the bloody time. and I wasn't talking about you anyway

Jazzhandsrule · 05/01/2015 20:08

Elfontheshelf, if you're going to quote a sentence from my post to rant, don't miss half of it off to make it fit with your point.
It would be great if the parents had interacted with the child and included her in the meal and conversation but I've definitely been guilty off using the TV or ipad to give me some peace.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 05/01/2015 20:08

I completely understand the point being made about families with children with additional needs or challenging behaviours or just mum & dad needing a break. I really do, and I sympathise, and I have done similar myself in the past. However I do think that tablets and headphones have enabled a lot of very lazy and entitled parenting of NT children.

There is no way on God's green earth that all of the plugged-in children we saw at restaurants or similar had additional needs/parents needing a break. It was everyone. Every kid. Everywhere. At least a dozen every time over a solid two week period. To the point where my two totally nothing-special-in-terms-of-manners kids were positively praised by waiters & other customers - much to my amusement - for their behaviour - and the fact that they could order for themselves using please and thank you - the shock!

Swipe left for the next trending thread