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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel sad having seen a little girl given a dummy and a great big set of headphones thenparents sat an ate in a pub

317 replies

Bearbehind · 05/01/2015 19:02

We were in a pub at the weekend and sat beside a couple with a 2/3 year old girl in a pushchair.

Her parents tried to get her to go to sleep by covering the buggy with a blanket and rocking it but she was wide awake. She wasn't crying or cranky, she was just babbling away to herself and didn't really want to stay in the pushchair so they put her on a seat, put a massive pair of 'beats' type headphones on her, stuck a dummy in and plugged her into an iPad.

I fully appreciate its none of my business but it just made me sad that this was such an automatic reaction with a little girl who just wanted to interact rather than a last resort.

OP posts:

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 05/01/2015 21:21

So important for children to spend quality time with their parents, including when out and about. But then we don't know their side of the story.

But how do you know these parents dont spend quality time with their child just not at that hour having lunch when they seemed to think the child would be asleep or going to sleep?

Have you never tried to plan a lunch round a sleep time?

I am astounded....there are so much worse things parents are doing out there.....this child was well, taken care of, happy and your still finding something to pick at..

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/01/2015 21:23

Well there were head phones. kid could ha e been playing suduko for all we know

oh mine colour in- on the ipad

MrsKoala · 05/01/2015 21:25

I know people will say that I sound smug and I don't mean to be but that is our experience of eating out.

Well good for you. because our experience of eating out is dirty looks, tutting, screaming, tears (mine), leaving our food before it's even arrived, hair pulling, punching, escaping...

We haven't been able to eat out pleasantly (actually at home either for the most part) since ds (2.4) was 10 months old. Sometimes it's necessary tho. in which case we would do anything to just be able to bolt down food and get out without any of the above. I'm just fucking jealous because my ds wont even look at an ipad or phone. if only he would - i would use it in a shot.

Btw if you were at Sherwood Forest yesterday, i'm sorry.

I am a sahm and i 'interact' all day and night (we co sleep by necessity, so i am literally never alone). Our 'interaction' in a cafe/restaurant would be ds shouting/screaming 'OUT' repeatedly and desperately trying to climb out and run around. if dh and i could do what is described in the op once a month it would make a huge difference to us.

youarekiddingme · 05/01/2015 21:26

My DS has the iPad and Bluetooth headphones (as he chews wires). He gets up and wanders around still in headphones and has a conversation with them on - he just pauses the iPad!

I'm sure people stare less than when he's walking around with his fingers in his ears with his hood up!

kilmuir · 05/01/2015 21:26

Yanbu. See it all the time. No interaction with their children, parents glued to bloody phones.

MrsKoala · 05/01/2015 21:29

oh yeah at colouring. All ds has ever used crayons for is frisbeeing.

usualsuspect333 · 05/01/2015 21:32

My 3 year old grandson coloured in for all of one minute while we were eating out the other evening. He then got the hump and lobbed the crayons on the floor.

He watched You tubes of FiremanSam on my DDs phone after that. Peace.

Thank the lord for free wifi in pubs.

Samcro · 05/01/2015 21:35

i feel sad for the op, she must have been so bored that she just sat their judging

bensam · 05/01/2015 21:40

Oh dear OP - I hope you aren't too upset with the flaming! Are you quite new to MN?

5madthings · 05/01/2015 21:40

My first thought (thanks to the education of mnet) was the child needed headphones due to sensory issues. Given they had been trying to get her to sleep maybe she was overtired and heading to meltdown and they knew this would prevent that?

The madthings don't play on phones etc at a restaurant but when little did colour, do sticker books, play with small toys. They have been pretty good in restaurants from a young age, but they all like their food and are used to sitting at the table to eat as we do every mealtime at home. I think it's partly perseverance on our part with a bloody good helping of good luck and their temperament.

Re tablets madthing5(4) likes to 'draw' on our one, saves wasting endless sheets of paper.she also really likes s jigsaw app we have, various animal jigsaws. When I was ill before Xmas I lay on the sofa and she sat with me for hours watching TV or on the tablet, it was all I could do to get out of bed, I was bloody grateful for the joys of technology! Ditto today when I had some important phone calls including being interviewed for the radio. Bigger kids watched a Dvd and littlest played on the tablet, whatever it took for them to be quiet!

meltedmonterayjack · 05/01/2015 21:42

When my dd was 2 we didn't eat out because she was a fussy eater and wouldn't have been able to sit still long enough. She wouldn't have enjoyed it, we wouldn't have enjoyed it, and no one else in the restaurant would have enjoyed it. We waited until she was a bit older and more able to cope with and enjoy it. If she had special needs it would have been quite different and I wouldn't have wanted to not be able to eat out, so would do what I could to make it ok for her. If that meant headphones and an ipad etc, that would be fine.

Without special needs and with a wriggly, tired toddler who wouldn't be up to sitting happily/quietly while we ate, then I'd wait a year or two and try again. I wouldn't put headphones on her or put a dummy in her mouth so that we could eat out.

EatShitDerek · 05/01/2015 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lambsie · 05/01/2015 21:55

Sometimes you have no choice about eating out. The family could have been away from home.

meltedmonterayjack · 05/01/2015 22:03

lambsie that's true. Hadn't thought about that.

BathshebaDarkstone · 05/01/2015 22:10

If I take DS 3 out to breakfast or lunch he'll get overtired and start playing up, because the only way he'll nap is strapped into the buggy at home. He's horrendous. If he's not restrained in the buggy or a highchair he'll run off, if I try and hold on to him he'll fight me and he's fucking strong for 3, he's built like a Sherman tank. Mostly I hate taking him out. On Saturday night, well after his bedtime, we went out to dinner and he behaved beautifully all night, and crashed out in the buggy when we left. I think that the difference was that an acquaintance of ours sat and played cars with him all night. You just have to find something that works. I think DS is NT, he's just a fucking 3-year-old PITA.

FreeWee · 05/01/2015 22:13

OP despite many many others on the thread disagreeing I don't think YABU to feel sad. I would have thought the same thing. Yes my 22 month old DD needs entertaining when we're out for a meal so I bring along things that don't isolate her from her surroundings which is what I would have felt was happening to her with the headphones.

Of course she may have had SN requiring minimal sensory stimulation or her parents needed quiet time to have a serious conversation probably both things that would have been reasonable reasons for what happened. If not then it's a shame her parents couldn't have given her something more active to do than passively watching a screen.

fromparistoberlin73 · 05/01/2015 22:16

I bet they were chavs !

slippermaiden · 05/01/2015 22:18

I haven't read the whole thread but I'm with the OP, I hate seeing little kids on iPads. Should be interacting with people or at least playing with a proper toy. I know a little one who is a whizz on a phone or iPad but really struggles with fine pincer movements, doesn't spend much time doing crafty, messy things.

treaclesoda · 05/01/2015 22:23

Or maybe that little one has difficulty with fine pincer movements and loves using the iPad because it's something that he/she finds easy.

slippermaiden · 05/01/2015 22:25

He's otherwise very good at physical stuff. Anyone can play with playdough.

slippermaiden · 05/01/2015 22:27

Just wonder how I managed to go out and have a sociable time with my family as we didn't have iPads. Oh I remember we played games or did drawing, or took a few toys. Many a rugby/cricket/football match watched with the kids

NurseRoscoe · 05/01/2015 22:29

This has made ME sad about my own behaviour :( I have put the kids in front of the TV so I can sort out the mess in the house way too any times :( it IS sad that in the modern day kids aren't interacted with as much, has made me want to be a better parent

helensburgh · 05/01/2015 22:29

I Agree it's sad.

What's wrong with chatting to your 2 or 3 year old while waiting for food.

The exception would be sensory issues etc but I find it sad to frequently see toddlers in buggys playing with tablets , phones etc " to keep,them quiet"

treaclesoda · 05/01/2015 22:31

I just don't get the outrage about iPads etc. I'd guess that back in olden days when children first learnt to amuse themselves by drawing and writing, people probably complained that in their day no one had to entertain children with paper and pencils, what's wrong with singing and storytelling?

QueenTilly · 05/01/2015 22:33

HedgehogsDontBite wins the thread with:
YABU

It's totally unnecessary. It's so much simpler to turn toddlers loose and when then play up shoot disapproving glances at the people on the next table so everyone thinks they're theirs.

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