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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

G/Children sleepover at granny's house

719 replies

Zabelithe · 04/01/2015 20:00

I'd be interested to hear at what age most of you mums let your DD and DS sleep at granny's house. I ask because our GD who is 4 and a half has still not been allowed to stay at ours despite the fact we have looked after her during the day while mum was working.

OP posts:
306235388 · 05/01/2015 06:21

Never and they're 8 and 4. They've never wanted to. I'm not forcing them. Eldest has been overnight at beavers camp etc so he can do it.

My parents aren't able to have them anyways and in laws have proved themselves to be pretty incapable many times over.

DixieNormas · 05/01/2015 06:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aliennation · 05/01/2015 06:38

Mine has his own room at my parents and has stayed over once a week sometimes twice since age 1. It's usually for practical reasons, I have to be at work early and am a LP.
He has a lovely relationship with his GP's.

Original poster
Zabelithe · 05/01/2015 07:03

Goodness, you are really upset by my question. It's not to do about me as you suggest, and I'm surprised by your post. It comes across as aggressive.

OP posts:
Original poster
Zabelithe · 05/01/2015 07:11

I'm grateful for the responses, my question was to gauge 'the norm' although I realise nothing is normal where kids are involved. Hah

It's not about me as some have suggested, GC has said she would like to stay over it's her mum who won't let her although she is happy for us to have her two or three days running and pick her up and drop her off, while she works. We just feel it would be nice for GC to stay sometimes. We have a good relationship with all and have now started to have our GS while mum works.

Thanks again for all the comments.

OP posts:
ZacharyQuack · 05/01/2015 07:12

OP, no one is upset? Most people are answering your question. The answer boils down to
a) distance
b) breastfeeding or not
c) the child's personality and sleeping habits
d) the relationship between the parents and grandparents
e) the personality and preferences of the parents

It doesn't matter what other families did, it has no bearing on your situation at all.

ZacharyQuack · 05/01/2015 07:14

Perhaps if the mum/dad work, they might feel that they don't see as much of the child as they would like? I'm sure it will happen when they are ready, just be patient and keep the relationship between all the adults on an even keel.

Inkanta · 05/01/2015 07:31

It might not be an age thing as much as the personalities of the grandparents.

If they have 'not allowed' a sleepover yet - it sounds like they are quite rigid or set in their ways and not able to negotiate on equal terms.

Are they able to come out of themselves and see what their grandchild needs or even you for that matter. I should imagine you need a break and some support and time to yourself.

Inkanta · 05/01/2015 07:34

Sorry OP I have misread the post. I thought you were the mum, not the grandparent. Blush

TheRealAmandaClarke · 05/01/2015 07:39

Never have. Never will

LST · 05/01/2015 07:48

7 weeks ds1 and 8 months ds2. Ds1.is now 3 and stops my mums every Friday.

Tryharder · 05/01/2015 07:49

Mine have regularly slept over at relatives' houses from quite a young age (about 18 months, younger in DD's case as she stopped bf earlier than the boys).

There seems to be quite a lot of angst about this on MN which I've never understood.

Hakluyt · 05/01/2015 07:52

I am fascinated by the "well, if there is no need for the children to stay at grandparents, why would they?" posts - as if the only possible reason would be the needs of the parents for childcare of some sort. No thought that the grandparents and the children might enjoy it and have fun together........

roofio87 · 05/01/2015 07:52

My ds is 15 months and has slept over at ils on a few occasions, even for 3 nights when we went on honeymoon when he was 13 months. But I feel so so comfortable leaving him with them, he loves them and they are very close. They are very good with him. I had no doubts that he was be fine, he is a very laid back baby and goes to bed better for them than he does for me!!!

Original poster
Zabelithe · 05/01/2015 08:03

Hakluyt said
I am fascinated by the "well, if there is no need for the children to stay at grandparents, why would they?" posts - as if the only possible reason would be the needs of the parents for childcare of some sort. No thought that the grandparents and the children might enjoy it and have fun together........

I am in total agreement with your comment.

In addition I'd add, it appears a general thing that DIL's dont trust their inlaws as much as their own parents which I find unfair.

OP posts:
MaryWestmacott · 05/01/2015 08:03

Op, look at what you've said from the point of view of a mum who's missing her dc while she works.

This isn't a mum who's leaving her dcs with the grandparents so she can have a break, but so she can work. It's much more understandable that the rest if the time - evenings, weekends etc, she won't want to hand over her dd and give up even more time.

It's very hard working and being apart from young dcs,

midori1999 · 05/01/2015 08:04

DC 1 stayed at my Mum's for a week at 6 weeks old as I had severe PND. I not collected him as she made me. Sad I suspect I also had PND, although not anywhere near as severe, after DC2 and I left him and DC1 with my grandparents for a week at 6 months old while DH and I went on holiday. They also both went on a two week cruise with my grandparents and sister/her family when they were 4 and 8, although I had originally been going too, but DC 3 had heart surgery and I couldn't go.

My youngest two now are 3.5 and 14 months and have never stayed out, although DS1 (18) stayed with the 3.5 year old she I was in labour. He still lives at home anyway. Grandparents are far away, in laws in another country and there's no way is let them stay overnight with in laws. Despite MIL insisting DD is old enough. Hmm

MaryWestmacott · 05/01/2015 08:07

Posted too soon!

It's hard working and being apart from young dcs, I did it with dc1 and missed him, I looked forward to seeing him and doing bath time and stories when I got in. I'd run for the train to make sure I was home in time, even though ds was well cared for and DH could do bedtime without me.

If you weren't a working mum yourself then you probably see the time she spends away from her dc as a break, something she wants, it's often not. Bath time and bedtime can be the hell hour if you've been looking after them all day, but if you've been in the office, it can be the highlight if your day instead. Of course she's resistant to losing that precious time with her daughter.

MyLegIsHaunted · 05/01/2015 08:09

Ours started having sleepovers with my parents from about 12 months. They're now 8 & 5 and they have a lovely close relationship with them.

They always beg to sleep at Grandma's house, they have the best time, my parents are both very hands on and take them on loads of outings and they have a pool (we're in Australia. All very, very secure and child safe etc) My brother still lives at home too and he has the worlds largest dvd/wii/board game collection so that's another reason why they beg to stay there Grin

They've not stayed at IL's ever though. They arent very close and we're just not comfortable with the thought of them staying there unfortunately Blush

Original poster
Zabelithe · 05/01/2015 08:10

Mary Westmacott said
Op, look at what you've said from the point of view of a mum who's missing her dc while she works.

This isn't a mum who's leaving her dcs with the grandparents so she can have a break, but so she can work. It's much more understandable that the rest if the time - evenings, weekends etc, she won't want to hand over her dd and give up even more time.

It's very hard working and being apart from young dcs,

Its not quite like that, we have GC for pleasure as well as when mum work, part time, she loves her days with us as we love having her.
we are not talking about having her stay every time we have her, just sometimes.

OP posts:
Original poster
Zabelithe · 05/01/2015 08:11

MyLegIsHaunted, whats wrong with your inlaws?

OP posts:
MaryWestmacott · 05/01/2015 08:11

Op, that's why you have her, not why your dil hands her over.

MaryWestmacott · 05/01/2015 08:13

Posted again too soon!

Op, can you not imagine that if you've been apart from your dc all day you'd miss them?

PterodactylTeaParty · 05/01/2015 08:19

Mine is 9mo, has never had a sleepover and won't for a good while yet. She's still bf, still sleeps next to me, still wakes several times a night and won't be settled back to sleep by anyone but me, and I work and would miss her if she was gone all evening/night.

Also, my DM and MIL have done their share of baby sleep deprivation with their own babies and have no desire to go through it again!

flumpysocks · 05/01/2015 08:19

Agree with Hakluyt. My parents enjoy getting time alone with their grandson and it's important to me that they have that bond independently of me. I try not to ask too much in terms of childcare but if they want to have him just because they want to spend time with him I'd never say no.

But a lot depends on your background. I used to spend whole weeks with my grandparents as a kid, just because it was fun for both parties. If you didn't have that as a kid, it wouldn't seem normal.