G/Children sleepover at granny's house

[Zabelithe]

I'd be interested to hear at what age most of you mums let your DD and DS sleep at granny's house. I ask because our GD who is 4 and a half has still not been allowed to stay at ours despite the fact we have looked after her during the day while mum was working.

I've supported my mum through something else the last few years. PILs are more elderly and might need us in the coming years. What goes around comes around.

I won't want to live in my childrens pockets no

I'm signing out now as there's only one deranged poster on this thread and it's the one pretending she's not a mother in law

So, it's quid pro quo, then?

No. Family.

By the time my children are old enough to leave home, I will be desperate for solitude and silence. The occasional text message would be nice, but as a parent my job is to enable them not to need me, not to set them up for a lifetime of obligation in the name of the holy sacred unit of social control "family".

Well that's just sad. That's all.

Yes. Being able to stand on one's own feet is tragic. Pass me the tissues.

"ild spending time with a friend is an age appropriate activity that the child benefits from. The child spending the night with old people for the gratification of the old people or the convenience of the parent is not about the child."

So are you saying that children can't have loving and beneficial relationships with their grandparents?

I'm saying they can have them without sleepovers.

Hak, you are trying to strip away every reason why parents - may not want their child to sleep over at GP.

You have been given so many valid reasons and you say - thats all good and fine...I agree.

Then you keep repeating why GP who are of sound mind, kind, and have all normal relations cant have their GC over to stay.

Well....I am sure they do. I am sure right now, as I type there are thousands of rosy scenes with GC up stairs in bed, and GP downs stairs feeling all glowy and happy.

We know there are loads of us suffering tormented DILS on MN, we know that.

But we also know usually dils complain if there is a problem, so we can assume there are millions of very happy DILS and MILS out there - I do actually know some in RL, who all get on who dont mention it because they dont need too.

They have nothing to get off their minds.

So this repeating but what if great GP with GC why cant they sleep over is a non argument. There will be and equally millions of GP who adore and love their GC and still dont feel the need to put them to bed.

• PrimalLass Sat 10-Jan-15 21:13:03

its called family.

its called your lucky family - many dont have that.

This thread is about people who won't allow their children to stay overnight with people where there is no good reason to disallow it

But we do not know why ops family do not want her to have the dc over night - there may be a perfectly good reason, we do not know this...

So its not for you to say - there is no good reason.

No many people don't. And that is awful. But to suggest that it is wrong and using your parents as a crutch (etc) is horrible.

In fact, mine were the other side of the world for 15 years.

Primal, did your kids sleep over alone then?

My GC are staying tonight, well they have been here for 12 hours so far, they are being absolute monsters and I think they are likely to break the bed rather than sleep in it. I have had a migraine for two days so if there are any grandparents out there who want to play mummy maybe we could come to an agreement?

Pardon? I don't understand. My parents were abroad from 1993-2008. My mums dad died when she was small, she had me at 16. We lived with my gran on-and-off until mum met my step dad. We are all very close but they went to Japan when I was 20 and the distance was hard.

I am quite sure in families where they all get on and and are open and can communicate - children and GP are just fine.

Its silly to suggest other wise. Whether those GC sleep over or not.

I am also sure without any other issues those GP are given more than a no - when they ask a question as I imagine they feel comfortable with their parents and are able to be honest.

When people start to nag and bully and complain, its harder to be open, and lines shut down, or all sorts of people who cant imagine there can be anything wrong with them....its hard to be honest with. I am sure where more than no is OK its used...but with certain people no is the only word you can use.

I feel someone has an axe to grind over DILS and the heart of the posts are - but everything else is fine, why do you want to stop your GC from staying at GP and poster feels - its YOU the un reasonable DIL, thats what is at the heart of this.

And maybe sometimes it is. Unreasonableness goes both ways, as we see on here so often.

Ok, so when your parents lived abroad, did you a) have kids and b) let them visit without you

It's difficult. I like pil a lot, love mil, but even if the distance wasn't what it was, I wouldn't be keen on them babysitting cos of the smoking situation. But I would never say that.

I had DS. He was a baby. When mum was back for the summer and other breaks of course I did.

As they were in Qatar by then I could hardly send him on his own, or go and drop him off.

"its YOU the un reasonable DIL, thats what is at the heart of this."

yes, because fathers never get a say in what their kids do!!

slithytove, I am glad the smoking issues never came up tbh. My parents smoked all through my childhood. Mum stopped in each pregnancy. But she had been stopped for a month when I fell pregnant. After that my step dad was not allowed to smoke in the house She has been a non-smoker for 10 years, even through a bitter divorce.