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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

G/Children sleepover at granny's house

719 replies

Zabelithe · 04/01/2015 20:00

I'd be interested to hear at what age most of you mums let your DD and DS sleep at granny's house. I ask because our GD who is 4 and a half has still not been allowed to stay at ours despite the fact we have looked after her during the day while mum was working.

OP posts:
iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 09/01/2015 12:07

It's like Chinese water torture this

Drip drip drip

2rebecca · 09/01/2015 12:58

No-one is saying "never" just not at the moment.

2rebecca · 09/01/2015 13:12

I did a psychology course when on lecturer produced evidence that a lot of the reasons people give about why they do things are nonsense anyway. He had done studies assessing people's preferences and asking them to say why they preferred particular things. The person in charge of the study changed various factors and that changed the results.
The people asked about the reasons for their preferences never named the thing that had been changed and that was statistically shown to be affecting their preference and gave other reasons.
The psychologist thought that a lot of the time we just make up reasons to justify our preferences and that often we're unaware of the reasons fully ourselves other than "I prefer this one" or "I don't want to".
Making people give reasons for their decisions all the time is often just making them invent reasons or think up the first reason that comes to mind.
Sometimes there is a clear reason why people want to do certain things, but sometimes there isn't.

NotEntirelyWhelmed · 09/01/2015 13:40

The answer to that question is: because I bloody-well don't want to. End of conversation.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 09/01/2015 14:45

Wait for it...

But the child might want to

Well children don't always get what they want and this is half the problem these days, everyone wanting their own way

Hakluyt · 09/01/2015 14:56

So if the child wants to, and the place they'll be staying is safe and all the rest, you'll still say no?

Why? For the love of mercy, why?

And incidentally, how long for? Until they leave home?

funkyfoam · 09/01/2015 15:20

I think we should all spare a thought for a group of mothers who had to put their children onto trains and coaches with no knowledge of where their children were going or if they would even see them again. In 1939 I expect the mothers of the evacuees would have jumped at the chance of their children going to a loving granny. That must have been such a hard decision and one we are all so lucky not to have been forced to make. Bit of thread I know but the heartache must of been terrible.

funkyfoam · 09/01/2015 15:21

off!

slithytove · 09/01/2015 15:24

God this thread is like banging ones head against a brick wall.
Hak, what are you hoping to gain here?

You've had it explained very well and several times why someone might not want a willing child to go to a lovely grandparents house.

You've also had it explained over and over and over why a simple no is the best answer, UNLESS you want a solution to be found.

Why are you going on? Why so invested?

slithytove · 09/01/2015 15:26

So if the child wants to, and the place they'll be staying is safe and all the rest, you'll still say no

What if I miss my child
What if I think it's too far
What if my child wants to but I know she won't cope - cos kids aren't always the best decision makers

Why are you being so niggly? Not a single person has said they will prevent it for the sake of it.

Hakluyt · 09/01/2015 15:33

"What if I miss my child
What if I think it's too far
What if my child wants to but I know she won't cope - cos kids aren't always the best decision makers"

Well of course you will miss your child- that goes with the territory. But it really isn't a good reason to stop your child doing anything.

If it's too far- too far for what?

If you know your child won't cope, then that's obviously a good reason........

funkyfoam · 09/01/2015 15:34

Give up Hakluyt . I don't get why some people would want to stop their children having a great experience for no apparent good reason, either- but obviously they do.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 09/01/2015 15:47

588 replies with barely any info from the OP... This must be a record. We don't know if OP has been given a reason or not. We don't really know anything about the situation apart from that the OP's DIL (not son, apparently) has said no. And I don't think we'll ever know.

Babashka · 09/01/2015 15:56

Nowhere in the OP does it say its the dil not permitting a sleepover. I read it as a general no to sleepovers.

slithytove · 09/01/2015 16:05

Too far for me to be happy with a sleepover!

Are you this disrespectful to all parents?

Funky and Hak, why are you the ones who get a define a good reason for not staying over?

If I decide my child is too young, or that I don't get enough time with them, or that the distance is too far, then that is a good reason, despite what you think.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 09/01/2015 16:07

She says it in a subsequent post Babashka.

Aherdofmims · 09/01/2015 16:08

God it all depends on the circumstances and what the parents and dcs want.

My dd stayed overnight at 1 year and my ds has been looked after by grandmother overnight on once occasion when he was 5/6 months.

But I wouldn't think that was a precedent or think badly of a Mum who never wanted to do this. I don't think my parents really did it and we still had a good relationship with grandparents.

slithytove · 09/01/2015 16:10

I have 2 living children.

I first left them with their dad, when I was ready.
First left them with gp, when I was ready.
Left the eldest overnight (with dad) when I was ready, not left youngest yet.

One day I'll leave the youngest with dad. One day I'll leave them overnight with gp. One day no doubt they will have a holiday away from me. But it will be when they, and I'm both ready. Anyone who pestered, or harassed for sooner, or who made me feel bad, would be making it harder for me to do.

Not a single person has done that. So when the time came/comes, everyone will be happy.

I'm stunned that anyone tries to pick at this. The parents have a right to be happy with what goes on with their kids too.

Babashka · 09/01/2015 16:32

GotToBe - thanks, I haven't read every post.

Starlight9 · 09/01/2015 16:52

I have received negative comments for this previously but - AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. My mother was at my daughter's birth and has rarely left her side since (although me and her do not have a close relationship). I went straight to stay at my mothers when daughter was born for a week, but I think she had her first 'sleepover' without me present at around 2/3 months old? and she has been having sleepovers regularly ever since. The longest she stayed there was for 3nights (when I was moving house) at around 4/5months old but I did call over and visit her each day.
Please bare in mind, I do not allow my daughter to have sleepovers with anybody else so it isn't a case of dumping my daughter with anybody who will have her, but Grandma's are extra special and children should spend time with their Grandparents :) I miss my daughter dreadfully when she toddles her chubby little 2 year old legs out of the house holding 'Nanas' hand with her bag packed but it does her good, she loves being there.

Alibalibumblebee · 09/01/2015 17:36

Starlight I was at the birth of all of my grandchildren and my daughter and daughters in law all came straight to my house to be looked after when they left hospital. I didn't ask to be at the births - they asked me.

Ive never been away from my grandchildren, and thats how it was in my Scottish family as well.

My favourite photo of my eldest grandchild, my granddaughter, is of her aged about 18 months running down her garden path towards me, dragging her wee suitcase on wheels behind her.

And I think all of the mums and dads have had a holiday on their own by the time the children were a year old.

My grandchildren are in no doubt as to who their parents are, and we adults all respect each others ways of doing things, we learn from each other.

Mehitabel6 · 09/01/2015 18:14

I think that in the whole like people get like people.
There seem to be a lot of people who fight for control. I can't imagine grandparents who are pushing to have babies and toddlers staying, but they seem to get children who are determined they won't! I expect the grandchildren will be similar.
Laid back grandparents who are happy to fit in tend to get laid back parents who let them, and no doubt the grandchildren will be similar.
Mine have stayed with grandparents happily from very young ages so I can't see them doing differently.
I shall not be doing anything other than going with the flow, if a grandparent. I can't imagine that my children will get all possessive and controlling - it would be alien to them.

slithytove · 09/01/2015 20:10

laid back parents who let them

If someone didn't "let them" for a good reason, would still class them as controlling and possessive?

Mehitabel6 · 09/01/2015 20:16

If there is a good reason then it wouldn't be.

Starlight9 · 09/01/2015 20:53

Bold: Alibalibumblebee I have been exactly the same with my daughter, she is the only grandchild in the family (apart from my 2nd who will be arriving this year). My mum absolutely adores my daughter and will go out of her way after a long day at work if I am 'a little tired' etc. Grandparents are god sends!

I do understand that some parents do not want their children to stay out overnight but honestly, would positivity does that have on your child? They need new experiences etc. Plus, Grandparents do the best baking Wink