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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

G/Children sleepover at granny's house

719 replies

Zabelithe · 04/01/2015 20:00

I'd be interested to hear at what age most of you mums let your DD and DS sleep at granny's house. I ask because our GD who is 4 and a half has still not been allowed to stay at ours despite the fact we have looked after her during the day while mum was working.

OP posts:
slithytove · 10/01/2015 19:46

Exactly! I'm glad you are developing a deeper understanding that it's not just about 2 nice people with a great relationship having fun.

There are many factors to take into account and it's not as simple as if you have a kind, loving non toxic capable grandparent, and a child that wants to, you would not allow the occasional sleepover..

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 10/01/2015 20:01

No I'm not expecting that

If they have a real need they can otherwise they can forget it

I might sound unreasonable to you but I didn't have my bloody kids as a frigging side show for my parents retirement entertainment

For gods sake women get a bloody hobby

PrimalLass · 10/01/2015 20:02

There is some severe fuckedupness on this thread.

MN really makes me feel so grateful for good strong relationships with my parents and PILs.

NotEntirelyWhelmed · 10/01/2015 20:03

Actually, nobody's expecting the grandparent to do anything of the sort, Hakluyt. If bedtime is sooooo much fun, that's an option for them. And if age is an an OK reason with you for children not to be used to gratify granny's whims, my older child is only eight and I don't consider that old enough for her to be left with people I don't trust.

I didn't spend a night under my grandparents' roofs without a parent present. Which is good, really, as they were scary old people who smelt funny. Honestly, I think grandparents are a bit overrated in the grand scheme of things. God knows, they seem to overrate themselves.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 10/01/2015 20:08

I have a good strong relationship with my parents, my husband with his

We don't live in their pockets, nor do they in ours, no one is upset by this, no one has an issue

It's not fcuked up ness, it's normal for me and many others, when I left uni and fled the nest I stood onto own feet, I'm no longer reliant on my parents for anything but love then dearly and vice versa, but we have our own lives, they have done their child rearing, I'm now doing mine and no one treads on anyone's toes

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 10/01/2015 20:14

Oh and as far as parents in law are concerned I don't think a great deal if mine tbh, but I don't show it... I will give you an example

My mil paints herself as the ever doting grandparent, facebooks her heart out, last week was my husbands birthday, Thursday to be precise, it's now Saturday, he's had no call from her, no text, not even a facebook message - but she has liked and commented on how lovely her grandchildren are on a photo

She couldn't remember her sons bloody birthday, she's definitely not having my kids stay over for the night ever, she might forget she has them with her?!

PrimalLass · 10/01/2015 20:34

The way you are coming across is not exactly calm or rational however. All this 'playing mummy' shite. My PIL and my mum do us an enormous favour when they have our children.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 10/01/2015 20:37

Good for you

Mine would be playing mummy, well my mil would, as my mother is dead

I respect the op's dil right to say no, others do not, nothing irrational about that

CheerfulYank · 10/01/2015 20:44

My parents are having my two all next weekend and are excited.

They don't see them as much as they'd like and they do have fun...watching a kid's film, making cookies, etc. My Dad will take my DS ice fishing.

It is fun for them and it isn't the same as "popping over and doing bed time." Calling it a sleepover makes it fun and special to my DC.

I can imagine when mine are grown and gone and some time has passed, I might enjoy having a night again with little ones. Going to the cinema, doing bath and stories and bed. I don't think it's "playing mummy", I think it's remembering the fun things about having a little one and experiencing them again. I don't think that's weird.

Alibalibumblebee · 10/01/2015 20:49

I feel very sorry for some of the women on this thread who are trying so hard to prove they have managed to get their head around their families disfunction whilst its painfully obvious they are very hurt by the reality of it all.

They protest too much.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 10/01/2015 20:50

I don't think it's weird

You have to have empathy to understand though that the dil for whatever reason doesn't want it

No equals no 600 posts on

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 10/01/2015 20:53
  • ASunnyTiger Thu 08-Jan-15 22:32:58

Excellent post and exactly what happens here too to me. Everything bad is me, everything good is Dh and them.

The child may not want to go in lots of cases so what do you say? Try and be diplomatic or say - sorry - dc dont like you think your boring and too strict?

NotEntirelyWhelmed · 10/01/2015 20:54

LULWUT, Alibali?

MuffinMcLay23 · 10/01/2015 20:55

Omigod hakluyt haven't you got anything else to do? Can't believe you are still at this days later! I am starting to feel a bit sorry for you!

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 10/01/2015 20:58

Disfunction is everywhere, your need to use your parents as a crutch is every bit as disfunction all as my need to be independent Grin

Hakluyt · 10/01/2015 20:58

"my older child is only eight and I don't consider that old enough for her to be left with people I don't trust."

But I wouldn't leave my children with people I didn't trust regardless of age. This thread is about people who won't allow their children to stay overnight with people where there is no good reason to disallow it. Not trusting those people is obviously a good reason!

NotEntirelyWhelmed · 10/01/2015 21:01

Isn't the good reason that they say they won't allow it? That is a reason. And it's the only one people should need.

I feel sorry for the people who can't manage to bring up their children without leaning on other people. Especially when they consider their weakness to be A Good Thing.

Hakluyt · 10/01/2015 21:02

"Disfunction is everywhere, your need to use your parents as a crutch is every bit as disfunction all as my need to be independent"

Please explain why grandchildren spending the occasional night with their grandparents is using them as a crutch- and also why not allowing this to happen is asserting your independence.

Hakluyt · 10/01/2015 21:03

Is your child going to tea with a friend after school "leaning" on the friend's parents?

PrimalLass · 10/01/2015 21:05

iamusuallybeingunreasonable - I do feel quite sorry for you. Will you be ok if your children are as detached when they grow up?

PrimalLass · 10/01/2015 21:06

Notentirely - it's not just 'other people', it's family.

NotEntirelyWhelmed · 10/01/2015 21:06

The child spending time with a friend is an age appropriate activity that the child benefits from. The child spending the night with old people for the gratification of the old people or the convenience of the parent is not about the child.

PrimalLass · 10/01/2015 21:07

FFS - my children love being with their grandparents. You are deranged.

NotEntirelyWhelmed · 10/01/2015 21:08

So what if it's "family"? Seriously, why is "family" different?

PrimalLass · 10/01/2015 21:13

Why is it wrong to have a close supportive family network that everyone enjoys?

My kids love it, my PILs love having them and helping us out, and we love some time to either get things done or go away/out. They take the kids to see their cousin, to the cinema etc.

At my mums they spend time with my brothers (early 20s) walk the dogs in the field, bake, play Minecraft ...

When my brothers have kids it will be my turn to help them, just as I helped mum when I was a teen and the boys were wee.

It's called family.