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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

G/Children sleepover at granny's house

719 replies

Zabelithe · 04/01/2015 20:00

I'd be interested to hear at what age most of you mums let your DD and DS sleep at granny's house. I ask because our GD who is 4 and a half has still not been allowed to stay at ours despite the fact we have looked after her during the day while mum was working.

OP posts:
mytimewillcome · 09/01/2015 09:34

I said a number of people described your comments as strong. Have a look yourself. You obviously don't care what other peoples opinions are so I'm not going to copy and paste. I've got children to look after and work maybe if you had stuff to do you wouldn't pester other people for their children so much.

slithytove · 09/01/2015 09:40

If I took ill, DH would take parental leave or a gp would come and stay with us to watch the kids.

cant see us ever sending the kids to stay 4/24 (different sets) hours away when one is ill. Apart from anything else, we both want our kids around in good times and bad.

And I wish all those extolling the dangers of not having over nights (the illness thing, how it makes for such close relationships blah blah) would give a thought to how it makes the parents feel when this isn't possible.

I don't believe it's possible for us, and I think Dc and Gp are as close as their age allows them to be right now.

slithytove · 09/01/2015 09:44

Yes, honestly are people so closed minded that they see child doesnt sleep at gps and translate it to jealous and controlling?

Ffs.

MaMaMarmoset · 09/01/2015 09:44

Unfortunately we don't have anyone we would feel comfortable with enough to let our children stay over night with. It may be OP that your son/dil feel comfortable with you during the day but don't think you're up to the job of dealing with a small child at night. Maybe they think you won't get her down on time/ won't hear her wake up/ won't be awake when she gets up letting her run free. They might not feel comfortable letting you know that.

Maybe they just want that time to themselves. It's really their business. It sounds like you are building a relationship with her now and that seems pretty good to me?

Hakluyt · 09/01/2015 09:46

Right. So you also think it's OK to make unjustified accusations and refuse to back them up.

I do hope this is only your online personality and you get it out of your system on strangers!

merrymouse · 09/01/2015 09:47

As a long term plan, relying on your own parents for childcare has quite a few holes, unless they are very young gps.

Hakluyt · 09/01/2015 09:48

"Yes, honestly are people so closed minded that they see child doesnt sleep at gps and translate it to jealous and controlling?

Ffs."

No. Nobody has said that.

MyballsareSandy · 09/01/2015 09:53

MIL took DD to her house straight from the maternity ward .... I didn't see her for about 3 weeks. Don't see the problem really.

mytimewillcome · 09/01/2015 09:58

There are over twenty pages here with a lot of your comments. I am not going to copy and paste. Enough people have commented on you but obviously you are not taking any notice. I do hope that thAt it is just your online personality and you get it out of your system in strangers.

ASunnyTiger · 09/01/2015 09:59

Yep GPs aren't the be all and end all of childcare. When I was in labour with DC2 it was my sister that came through for me, if she hadn't then DH would have had to stay at home to look after DC1. My mum wasn't willing to take time off work to help us out, she was worried doing so may compromise her job security. People seem to assume that everyone has family who are willing to just drop everything should an emergency arise, not all of us do or assume that our family should. I was lucky my sister was so kind as to help us out, but I didn't assume she could or would. My kids, my responsibility.

fluffyraggies · 09/01/2015 10:08

Mehitabel6 Fri 09-Jan-15 08:27:09

I think that what goes around comes around and those jealous, controlling, parents will get children who are the same

Jealous and controlling.

Hakluyt · 09/01/2015 10:14

Mytime-the reason you are refusing to copy and paste is because there is nothing to copy and paste. All my offensive posts are in your imagination. For example, that I was "pestering people for their children" Grin

mytimewillcome · 09/01/2015 10:14

Fluffyraggies. Smile

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 09/01/2015 10:19

Hak if you are not a gran or a mil why don't you just have another or adopt, it's never too late

mytimewillcome · 09/01/2015 10:19

Iook at your comment yesterday at 2pm. If your friend said that she didn't want to give you her children because of bed wetting you would then basically not take no for an answer. Pestering.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 09/01/2015 10:27

On the whole 'who will look after your child when you have another baby' debate... My parents Iive 200 miles away and both work full time, DH's parents live in Spain so it definitely won't be either of them. I'm currently pregnant with DC2 and have asked 2 sets of friends to be on standby (no family within 200 miles). I imagine there are a lot of people whose parents don't live nearby and have to find other ways to get around this.

Hakluyt · 09/01/2015 10:35

"Give me her children"? What a very odd way of putting it.
Surely it's something with her children and mine that both they and I would enjoy?

Offering a possible solution to a problem so that the child could still come if they wanted to is not pestering.

"Would you like to come to lunch on Sunday?
"That would be lovely but we're vegetarian"
"That's fine- we often have meat free meals"

"Come to the park?"
"Our car's in for a service"
"That's fine, we can swing by and pick you up"

All "pestering"?

Ladybird20 · 09/01/2015 10:35

asunnytiger my mil is similar, when I was pregnant she bought all the baby essentials - vests, sleepsuits, bottles (I was planning to breastfeed), nappies, blankets etc. I thought she was saving it up as a gift, but no, she was getting everything ready for looking after baby. Very strange as we hadn't once discussed any arrangements for her to care for baby. The clothes were newborn too so clearly she thought I'd just be handing my brand new breastfeeding baby over. Very very strange.

slithytove · 09/01/2015 10:35

When we are discussing not allowing kids to stay at gps, and pp comes out with "I think that what goes around comes around and those jealous, controlling, parents will get children who are the same and will cut them out when they are grandparents - or the children get away as soon as possible.", it's not hard to see that they are lumping all parents into the same boat.

slithytove · 09/01/2015 10:37

Hak, some might translate you not taking no for an answer as pestering.

E.g.

Can dc sleep over
No he wets the bed
Ok

This is fine. BUT

can dc sleep over
No he wets the bed
I don't mind if he doesn't and I have water proof sheets

= pestering

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 09/01/2015 10:39

Er never once has a vegetarian declined a lunch with me on the basis of being a vegetarian!! Slightly odd comparison

diddl · 09/01/2015 10:40

Wouldn't it for the parents to offer a solution though?

slithytove · 09/01/2015 10:40

There is a huge difference between a "that would be lovely but" and a "no because".

The first implies they want to find a way to do it. The latter is a no and a courteous explanation.

Had your friend said "DS would love to but I'm afraid he bedwets" then finding a way around the problem might be appropriate. But I'd take a straight no as just that.

Hakluyt · 09/01/2015 10:43

Or it could be that the child has missed out on loads of stuff because of the bed wetting and the mother would be relieved that this was something he could do?
You seem to be assuming that bed wetting is only being used as an excuse, and there is another underlying reason.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 09/01/2015 10:46

Or it could mean

Piss off asking me to let my child sleep over at your house

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