Page 11 | G/Children sleepover at granny's house

Zabelithe · 2015-01-04T20:00:35+00:00

I'd be interested to hear at what age most of you mums let your DD and DS sleep at granny's house. I ask because our GD who is 4 and a half has still not been allowed to stay at ours despite the fact we have looked after her during the day while mum was working.

SukieTuesday · 05/01/2015 17:28

You seem to have a lot of contact with your GC. You've said you have them while their mother works and at other times too. Is there a reason that overnights are particularly important to you? It's quite possible that your DIL doesn't realise it's a big deal for you if you're having your GC for 2+ days a week anyway.

funkyfoam · 05/01/2015 17:31

And also great fun of course!!

SukieTuesday · 05/01/2015 17:32

Sleeping away from home is a life skill, just like being dry overnight is. That doesn't mean all children are ready to do it at the same age or that making them try it early will equal success. Some will struggle with it into their teens. It's not a character failure.

rumbleinthrjungle · 05/01/2015 17:35

Temerity to ask if the child could stay overnight? That isn't what I said.

I said I would consider other childcare options if there were strings becoming attached to that care, or bad feeling emerging. It implies to me that if having the child is being seen as a chore which means an entitlement to the reward of having the child overnight, or leverage to insist the child stayed whether or not I thought it was the time or was happy about it, then yes I'd think about other options. If. This isn't the situation the OP is describing.

I wouldn't want family relationships to be spoiled because of feelings of obligation or GPs seeing it as something they have to do whether or not they want to or enjoy it.

Ragwort · 05/01/2015 17:37

funkyfoam - you have made a very good point, and I am sorry to hear about the circumstances, about why learning to sleep away from home is a 'life skill'.

None of us know what is round the corner and I am confident in my choice to bring up my child so that he is happy and content to know that other people love and care for him - and part of that has been having 'sleep overs' from a young age. I mentioned my friend earlier, she has never, ever let her children sleep a night away from either her or her husband, I dread to think how they would cope in an emergency - they are both aged over 11 now and 'not allowed' on school trips/brownie camps etc over night. . My child will go and stay at her house but she quite cheerfully tells me 'we don't want our children to have sleep overs'.

SukieTuesday · 05/01/2015 17:38

MN rules. If grandparents provide childcare they're allowed to dip dye your DC and buy them their body weight in ice cream and if you object you're an ungrateful arse who should pay for childcare

maninawomansworld · 05/01/2015 17:40

My 2 boys are 2 years old and they've been going for sleepovers at granny and grandpa's since they were of the breast. I palm them off on parents as often as I possibly can!

RatherEmbarassed · 05/01/2015 17:43

I think, as this thread shows, that the grandparent/grandchild mother/mother inlaw relationship is so often complex that I would advise you don't push on this one. Yes it may be nice for you to spend more time with your GC but it isn't necessary and if the mum isn't comfortable with it you will only be setting yourself up for more issues in the future. Unfortunately it really is up to the parents and you need to accept that, although I appreciate it isn't easy.

funkyfoam · 05/01/2015 17:52

Ragwort - I totally agree, that the more people there are to love your children the better off they are. Some people obviously think completely differently and want to keep their children to themselves, which of course is their prerogative. However as we have sadly found out in the last few years the more people there are loving your children the safer they feel. My nieces spend their school holidays with different members of the family and they know that they are loved and have proper homes with us all.

mytimewillcome · 05/01/2015 17:59

You're right maybe my wording was wrong not 'necessary' but just not something that would enter their mind if they hadn't done it themselves. This thread shows that it depends on the parent. There are huge variations in ages that parents think the child is ready. Was it always like this? Where a parent's view was deemed as unimportant?

slightlyconfused85 · 05/01/2015 18:22

My dd is 2 and has gone to my mums about once a month since she slep through at 3 months. They all have a lovely time and we enjoy the break. If she didn't sleep reliably, however, I certainly wouldn't send her and I think it's a very personal choice about which no one should make a judgement.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 05/01/2015 18:32

In addition I'd add, it appears a general thing that DIL's dont trust their inlaws as much as their own parents which I find unfair.

Well yours do trust you and you look after them, they probably just want as much family time together as possible.

I treasure all family time we have when dh and both dc are here, its golden.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 05/01/2015 18:36

Why on earth does she have to sit back and be grateful for being allowed to be useful?

she is being allowed to be a grandmother and she sees her GC more than many many many GP do due to all sorts of reasons estrangements, long distance, ill health and so on.

This lady sounds like she already has it good and simply wants more.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 05/01/2015 18:42

But why in those circumstances would she say no if asked? And it's not about necessary! It's about something that would be fun for grandparent and child.
As awful as this will sound, and I dont think its pleasant either, often young children do not want to be around older folk, rightly or wrongly.

We rightly took our DD to see great grandma and stayed in her house.

It was awful, horrendous and hideous and GG didnt like it much in the end either.

DD was driven wild with boredom at 4.5. She would not in the end stay in same room as GG, it was excruciating, and she refused to go back.

now older our DD is fine but at 4 aside from telling her off, trying to get her to be polite there was not alot we could do.

so now when GG wants her to stay what do we say? or do we try and protect GG feelings?

Maybe this is what is happening to you op>

Its not always fun children generally like to be with other children.

marshmallowpies · 05/01/2015 18:51

My nephews are 12 and only just stayed over on their own at my parents house for the first time last year. My mum & dad have looked after them overnight at their own home before that, though.

My DD is coming up to 3 and hasn't stayed overnight without us yet. Will definitely happen, though, unless the parents/ILs health means they can't cope in the near future.

My memories of staying over at my granny's are so happy & treasured I'd never deny the same to my children. And I know my mum didn't see eye to eye with her MIL at all, but she didn't stop us visiting there - which I really appreciate in retrospect. And makes it seem even more hard that my mum has such a struggle as a MIL herself - she always seems to be on the back foot with my SIL and be in the doghouse for something.

Stealthpolarbear · 05/01/2015 18:56

Asking again
What is dad doing while you look after the child so mum can work ? Can only assume he's not around maybe

Whotookallthegoodnames · 05/01/2015 19:00

Stealth, maybe Dad works too?

Royalsighness · 05/01/2015 19:02

My sons been staying with both sets of grandparents since he was 5 months old, id say we have left him overnight with grandparents every 3 months since he was this age, he's 18 months now. He really enjoys himself and the brief break makes me feel like I can take on the world again!

gobbynorthernbird · 05/01/2015 19:07

Whotook, in that case GM is providing childcare for both parents. Not her DIL alone.

Hakluyt · 05/01/2015 19:16

Bloody hell, ElfontheShelf- so it's all because the OP is a boring old hag the child can't wait to get away from. Riiiiiiiiiiiight. And she has it good because she is allowed to provide free childcare. Again riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

merrymouse · 05/01/2015 19:20

The reality is that relations with extended family depend on the extended family. There is no right or wrong way and there are so many variables that it is impossible to pronounce on how other families should work.

magpieginglebells · 05/01/2015 19:30

I would also like to know what dad is doing as the OP said it's while her dil works.

I never once had a sleepover at grandparents.

Original poster

Zabelithe · 05/01/2015 19:32

As some have suggested, i will sit down with them both - in a couple of weeks, they are still away at present.

OP posts:

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 05/01/2015 19:33

Bloody hell, ElfontheShelf- so it's all because the OP is a boring old hag the child can't wait to get away from. Riiiiiiiiiiiight. And she has it good because she is allowed to provide free childcare. Again riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

"Boring old hag" What a horrid way to describe older people.....But Yes is it so hard to think of a situation that the children are saying they don't want to spend more time with Granny?
Granny persisting with this could be putting the children in an awkward position? They don't want to hurt her feelings?

I see it with my own DP who think they are the GC sun ....the reality is no, they are not. I have to give the dc a good talking too about respecting their elders and being polite and saying thankyou. I cannot force my dc to worship their GP, I can make them be polite, and respectful and spend time with them but I cannot make them like them.

This may be unpalatable and I would hate this to be the case with me and my GC but it is some peoples reality.

It does happen. Not all GP are Disney Hakulyt.

ashtrayheart · 05/01/2015 19:38

My eldest 2 used to stay at exmils, she was great. My own parents and dp's parents don't babysit at all let alone have the 2 youngest children overnight.