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Original poster

In not being all humble and respectful and all that.(abortion related)

600 replies

IdontusuallyNC · 04/01/2015 16:09

I have had the contraceptive injection twice now obviously I had it done on time and followed all instructions given to me I also usually use condoms I have 3 occasions where condom use has not been optimum all in the same weekend.

I have recently to my horror discovered that I am pregnant, POAS because I feel like crap and it felt like HG not expecting it to be the case but these things happen. Due to the amount of children I have one being tiny the nature of the relationship with my sexual partner and a quite serious history of HG and SPD(all but 1 previous pregnancy) I have booked in to have a TOP on Tuesday.

I'm quite comfortable with my decision and in general tend to be quite matter of fact about things.

My closest friend has gone very weird on me I declined an invitation for Tuesday from her and disclosed why. Ever since she has been upset because I'm not being sad enough she feels I'm being flippant about human life and not respectful.

I'm not entirely sure what she means by this and she has tried to be sympathetic not that it is needed but has mentioned this on a few occasions.

So am I meant to be sad and stuff or is it acceptable to feel positive towards the decision?

OP posts:
Pumpkinpositive · 04/01/2015 20:03

I am in favour of choice up to 40 weeks, because I am wholly in favour of choice. This doesn't mean I think that choice will probably be exercised in fact. But it might be, for an assortment of possible reasons, so I support it.

I think you'd have a tough task finding a doctor willing to perform an "abortion" on a healthy foetus at 40 weeks (discounting imminent danger to the mother's life).

I was under the impression that in the UK two doctors were still required to consent to an abortion. Yet there has been no mention of the conditional nature of abortion rights in this thread. Have I missed it? Or has the law changed?

Original poster
IdontusuallyNC · 04/01/2015 20:04

The posters talking about TOP at term are talking about it in theory

OP posts:
confused79 · 04/01/2015 20:05

I was always very adamant about my decision to terminate, no thinking involved, I just wanted it over with (pregnancy symptoms can seem a thousand times worse when it's not going to end with a baby). Sometimes, you just know it's the right thing to do.

Saying that, I had a failed medical termination which ended in a surgical termination. This did upset me quite a bit as I had wanted to make sure I got in for the pill option so it didn't feel so evasive. Having to have the surgery really made me reconsider, and knowing I couldn't keep the baby as there was a strong possibility of fetal abnormalities. That wasn't regret about having an abortion in the first place, it was the feeling that a choice was being taken away from me.

Pumpkinpositive · 04/01/2015 20:06

The posters talking about TOP at term are talking about it in theory

Yes, I'm aware they are speaking hypothetically.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 04/01/2015 20:07

I note posters talking about potential sons and daughters aren't talking about the OP's actual sons and daughters. Is it ok for her to wake up smiling because they will have a living, healthy mother after her TOP?

Original poster
IdontusuallyNC · 04/01/2015 20:08

The law as it currently stands is that 2 Dr's need to consent AND your reason has to be a designated in the rules afair those are mothers well being babies well being and that of existing children.

TOP under that criteria is legal up to 23weeks and 6 days over 24 weeks and up to term it can still be done but has to be because of a life limiting illness in either the mother or the baby.

Obviously this is a basic overview another poster did link to the law earlier and I'm sure that link is more in depth

OP posts:
Original poster
IdontusuallyNC · 04/01/2015 20:11

Sorry pumpkin your post read as if you thought they may not know the law or as if you thought it may have changed

OP posts:
Original poster
IdontusuallyNC · 04/01/2015 20:12

confused what happened to you is my greatest concern about the TOP

OP posts:
YonicSleighdriver · 04/01/2015 20:13

YANBU OP. Hope Tuesday goes well.

TheBabyFacedAssassin · 04/01/2015 20:21

Flowers Enormouse

And OP, I hope the procedure goes smoothly for you.

IHaveBrilloHair · 04/01/2015 20:24

A few years ago I had a TOP at 23 weeks for 'social', reasons, it didn't feel very social at the time, my best friend disowned me, and my then bf didn't cope too well, neither dud I.
The main reason I didn't cope was because I didn't feel guilty, I knew I was making the right decision, I walked away from the clinic feeling like a huge weight had been lifted.

Eight years on, I still have no regrets, my friend and I reconciled and the bf is still one of my closest friends.

Women may have access to abortion, but society tells us we must feel guilty, well I don't.

IHaveBrilloHair · 04/01/2015 20:26

And I didn't name change as I am not ashamed.

Enormouse · 04/01/2015 20:34

Thank you idont. Wishing you all the best.

And babyfaced thank you too. I've sent you a Pm.

IHaveBrilloHair · 04/01/2015 20:36

One more thing, the four weeks I had to wait for the TOP (I didn't know until 19 weeks, no symptoms at all, and I was a size 8), were when I learned that suicide wasn't something I wanted to do, it was something I was scared I would do.

YonicSleighdriver · 04/01/2015 20:37

Brillo Flowers

Good to see you, Babyfaced.

BoyFromTheBigBadCity · 04/01/2015 20:40

Just to add that the twice i thought I had an unwanted pregnancy (I didn't, in either situation) it was an easy decision to have an abortion (I knew before I'd even had to get to the poas point) but that doesn't mean it was made lightly. While I didn't actually need the procedure in the end, I didn't feel sad. I feel happy and grateful.

Good luck to you Idont and Enourmouse.

crispandfruity · 04/01/2015 20:47

I had a TOP 10 years ago. As others have said I felt anxious beforehand about the procedure but since then have felt nothing but relief. I didn't feel sad or any of the other things that some people seem to have think that I should have felt.

Good luck OP, I hope Tuesday goes well for you.

SolidGoldBrass · 04/01/2015 21:05

The number of women who would terminate a pregnancy beyond 30 weeks for non-medical reasons is so vanishingly small that I doubt you could find a single documented case.
The number of women who have died because other people's sentiment and superstition stopped them getting medically necessary abortions... there's quite a few of them. Angela Carder, Savita Halappanavar for starters.
This is why people who oppose abortion or whine about the wickedness of late abortion are woman-hating morons. You'd rather actual women died than some potential, hypothetical foetus got aborted, because in your nasty, ignorant little minds, women are not to be trusted to make decisions for themselves, and have to have their access to abortion restricted otherwise they'll all be doing it.

PacificDogwood · 04/01/2015 21:08

I wonder whether those who worry that women would chose TOP as a method to control their fertility if terminations/late terminations were available more easily, would not worry about those feckless women lacking in moral fibre should raise all these unwanted children instead if forced to continue with their pregnancies?
And nobody please say adoption is a solution - much as it is a very valid choice (and one could argue sometimes overlooked) if all terminated pregnancies actually resulted in babies instead much misery would be perpetuated AND countless women's physical and mental would be put at risk.

I have had 4MCs, 4 DCs and no TOP (there for the grace of god….) and personally I have always seen my lost pregnancies as just that: pregnancies. As somebody said upthread I mourned the loss of the babies they may have become, I did not grieve for lost babies. A subtle but important difference, and one very personal to me. I am not suggesting my take on this is Right, but it's sure as hell not Wrong.

Thanks to all of you sharing your stories here.

PacificDogwood · 04/01/2015 21:09

Or what SGB said - x-post.

DinosaurRaaaar · 04/01/2015 21:16

Solid - I certainly don't agree with abortion to due date, no. Fortunately, neither does the law. Also fortunately, the law in the UK mainland prioritises the life of the mother over the foetus until birth, so those cases you have cited would not have happened on the mainland.

So fortunately, we are able to disagree with you. Call those of us who do "nasty, ignorant morons" if you like, but the only posts on this thread that I have thought were nasty were yours. And sickening, as previous posters have said. And I don't hate women. But I do think sooooo much less of ones who launch vindictive vitriol over an otherwise relatively measured debate.

basgetti · 04/01/2015 21:17

I'd never heard of Angela Carder, I just googled her and read her story. How utterly horrific and heartbreaking.

LiviaDruscillaAugusta · 04/01/2015 21:17

I had a termination years ago and didn't feel any level of remorse or regret. I didn't want to have a child so as soon as I found out I was pregnant I went to doctors and was referred. It was the best thing I could have done. I wouldn't hesitate to have one in the future if I found I was pregnant again.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 04/01/2015 21:24

Am almost certain someone I know had a late termination due to disability. This is quite challenging for me as I have a disabled child but I would never judge her nor do I act any differently to her.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 04/01/2015 21:25

I mean towards her