Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In not being all humble and respectful and all that.(abortion related)

600 replies

IdontusuallyNC · 04/01/2015 16:09

I have had the contraceptive injection twice now obviously I had it done on time and followed all instructions given to me I also usually use condoms I have 3 occasions where condom use has not been optimum all in the same weekend.

I have recently to my horror discovered that I am pregnant, POAS because I feel like crap and it felt like HG not expecting it to be the case but these things happen. Due to the amount of children I have one being tiny the nature of the relationship with my sexual partner and a quite serious history of HG and SPD(all but 1 previous pregnancy) I have booked in to have a TOP on Tuesday.

I'm quite comfortable with my decision and in general tend to be quite matter of fact about things.

My closest friend has gone very weird on me I declined an invitation for Tuesday from her and disclosed why. Ever since she has been upset because I'm not being sad enough she feels I'm being flippant about human life and not respectful.

I'm not entirely sure what she means by this and she has tried to be sympathetic not that it is needed but has mentioned this on a few occasions.

So am I meant to be sad and stuff or is it acceptable to feel positive towards the decision?

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 04/01/2015 21:27

If you are opposed to late abortion then don't terminate your own pregnancies. Why is it any of your business in any respect what other women you don't know might or might not choose to do with their own bodies?

If you 'care so much' about mothers and foetuses, I do hope you devote some of your time and energy and money into advocating and fundraising for better maternity care (a lot of needless deaths of pregnant women, new mothers, foetuses and newborns are due to understaffed maternity units and, in some places, maternal poverty meaning no access or limited access to medical care.) Other ways to reduce the number of abortions that you might like to get involved with might be to reduce male violence against women, so that fewer women need to terminate a pregnancy that came about because of rape, or because termination is the only way to ensure that they can legally cut an abusive man out of their lives completely. Oh, and you might like to put some effort into reducing inequality and poverty, as well, so that fewer women decide that they can't afford to continue with a pregnancy they might otherwise have been pleased to carry to term.
Forcing women to continue unwanted pregnancies harms the women and does no one any good.

itsbloodyfreezing · 04/01/2015 21:29

We are not ignorant for opposing late term abortion Solid, neither does anyone wish death on a mother as you suggest. You are clearly an extremely angry person and I wonder if it might be you that hates women. There is a great deal of rage in your nasty, insulting posts that ostensibly promote women's rights but below the surface are no more than hate filled rants.

DinosaurRaaaar · 04/01/2015 21:33

Solid - it is everyone's business. The law, decided by representatives of you and I, in parliament means it has been an agreement democratically reached.

And personally, I work in maternity services, also am volunteer counsellor at my local well women's centre, and also am joint coordinator of a food bank. That enough for you?

SlaggyIsland · 04/01/2015 21:34

I've just Googled Angela Carder. Those utter fuckers murdered her.

Annunziata · 04/01/2015 21:34

I am fundraising for a maternity hospital in Malawi.
I run our church cafe which donates profits to women's shelters, a children's hospital and other charities.
I have adopted two children who would have probably been candidates for abortion.

But I am a misogynistic moron because I feel so terribly sad that you can just end a pregnancy as if you are going to the dentist.

I feel sorry for you, SolidGoldBrass, because you are an angry and closed minded person.

radiobedhead · 04/01/2015 21:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DinosaurRaaaar · 04/01/2015 21:35

And I completely and utterly agree with itsbloodyfreezing's posts.

radiobedhead · 04/01/2015 21:37

Annun - fundraising and church stuff? So what.

Lots of us pro choicers do good stuff too.

pommedeterre · 04/01/2015 21:40

Hang on.

You do some charity work so you get to say what is morally right for other women?

Well I don't give a shit if you have the cure for Ebola you don't get to say shit about my life and body.

DinosaurRaaaar · 04/01/2015 21:41

Radio - solid suggested that those who disagree with her should do a variety of things to improve matters. Annunciata is simply pointing out what she does. I have listed what I do, no one has queried that. To pick her out looks rather personal.

Annunziata · 04/01/2015 21:43

No. I was told that if I care about women I should do x, y and z. I was pointing out that I do do that already.

DinosaurRaaaar · 04/01/2015 21:43

Pomme - thank goodness, who'd want the responsibility!

Trills · 04/01/2015 21:44

I agree with SGB

If you really feel strongly about reducing abortions the way to do it is to:
a - help women not get pregnant when they do not wish to be pregnant
b - help women who are pregnant to see having a baby as a reasonable and desirable and affordable course of action

radiobedhead · 04/01/2015 21:44

Sorry Dinosaur - it's a so what do you too then. Apologies for missing it. Not personal.

I can't even bloody see solidgold's posts... She mustn't have posted recently unless I'm going blind. I will search back.

pommedeterre · 04/01/2015 21:44

Umm. Well if I decided I wanted an abortion at 30 weeks it sounds like you would actually. Not exactly a huge leap to make.

PacificDogwood · 04/01/2015 21:44

This is not a bloody competition in doing good.
It's not a competition about who would do what in their own personal circumstances.

It's about what protects women. And children. World-wide.

I wish people were more able to look beyond their own circumstances and values and see the proverbial Bigger Picture Sad.

You don't approve of termination? Don't have one.
I know I am repeating myself, but it's really that simple.

GallicShrug · 04/01/2015 21:46

Gallic Are you saying you only support the idea of abortion at 40 weeks because you don't think it would ever happen?

Moomin and Pumpkin have already replied for me. I also agree with every word of SGB's on this matter.

No. I support the idea of abortion to term because:

[a] I support any woman's right to choose as befits her. One hundred percent, not a bit of this and a bit of that.

[b] No-one has perfect foresight. Any number of things could happen immediately before due date, which would make birth and/or parenthood unviable. I dare say this procedure's already carried out from time to time, in medical settings. I would support women's right to independently choose it, also, if they needed.

DinosaurRaaaar · 04/01/2015 21:47

Pomme- no, unless it was medically necessary. Otherwise, only the police for it being illegal in the UK.

basgetti · 04/01/2015 21:47

Annunziata the OP is a woman, whose life is at risk if she continues with this pregnancy. Instead of any compassion you have accused her of 'killing her child' and not feeling suitably sad and guilty about the legal medical procedure doctors have recommended she have. Not what I would call being very caring about women tbh.

pommedeterre · 04/01/2015 21:51

But even if her life wasn't at risk. Her body her choice and being a bitch about it is just weird.

radiobedhead · 04/01/2015 21:52

Dinosaur - you can abort up to term with certain conditions.

Annunziata · 04/01/2015 21:52

But that is what she is doing. She knows that and is fine with it.

radiobedhead · 04/01/2015 21:54

Annun -
Will God forgive the op, and others, who terminate?

fakenamefornow · 04/01/2015 21:55

I'm glad you posted this op I'm sick of hearing how much ALL women suffer having a termination. NO WE DONT I had one years ago and felt really guilty and worried that there must be something wrong with me because I didn't feel guilty about it, not more guilty than if I'd had a tooth out. Still feel the same 25 years later. Having said all that my termination was very early, I don't think I could have gone through a late one.

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 04/01/2015 21:56

For those struggling to understand the 'Abortion up to 40 weeks' thing, I'll lay out how I see it (can't speak for anyone else, this is just my logic).

I personally do not feel able to put a caveat on 'I am pro choice'.

To say 'I am pro choice, BUT only if it is before a certain date/for medical reasons' is, to me, tantamount to saying 'I believe in a woman's right to bodily autonomy, BUT only if she deserves it'. Which, to me, is not too far removed from saying gems like 'I believe in a woman's right to not be raped, BUT only if she's wearing respectable clothing/not 'asking for it'/stays at home every night'.

That is how I feel. I don't believe it is right to introduce exceptions and caveats to the right to bodily autonomy.