In not being all humble and respectful and all that.(abortion related)

[IdontusuallyNC]

I have had the contraceptive injection twice now obviously I had it done on time and followed all instructions given to me I also usually use condoms I have 3 occasions where condom use has not been optimum all in the same weekend.

I have recently to my horror discovered that I am pregnant, POAS because I feel like crap and it felt like HG not expecting it to be the case but these things happen. Due to the amount of children I have one being tiny the nature of the relationship with my sexual partner and a quite serious history of HG and SPD(all but 1 previous pregnancy) I have booked in to have a TOP on Tuesday.

I'm quite comfortable with my decision and in general tend to be quite matter of fact about things.

My closest friend has gone very weird on me I declined an invitation for Tuesday from her and disclosed why. Ever since she has been upset because I'm not being sad enough she feels I'm being flippant about human life and not respectful.

I'm not entirely sure what she means by this and she has tried to be sympathetic not that it is needed but has mentioned this on a few occasions.

So am I meant to be sad and stuff or is it acceptable to feel positive towards the decision?

Some harrowing stories here. I'm glad that here in the UK we have legal and largely problem free aceess to termination of pregnancy. I wish the OP a smooth procedure.

I think a woman should have the right to demand its delivery, but not specifically its death.

I can fully understand that. I decided to chuck out this modification of my support for any-time abortion after reviewing what I know about things that can & do go wrong perinatally, with both women and their foetuses. I won't go into details for the same reason you didn't, but I concluded it is safer on the whole to permit women's self-determination on the matter.

When you think that women, like goodas, can have termination forced on them "for their own good" () it is bizarre that others want to force women not to terminate (for whose good?)
Or ... not bizarre, if you take the overview that women's bodies are nothing but wombs in public ownership.

for you idont. And thank you so much for thinking of others at such a tough time.
If the clinic is Bpas, then they do offer discounted rates. I'm not sure about Marie Stopes.

I want to applaud assassins statement.

I know they offer it. I would be very interested if they would allow an ongoing donation to go towards funding it.

Enormouse. Yes, thank you for that, I did see it earlier. I made a donation & emailed them as I couldn't open their file on fundraising, sorry, I should have mentioned that. I was just wondering what ekes we could do, if there is anything. It's all just so frustrating and ridiculous that the law there is so draconian.

TBFA. I wish you and your group all the best. You have a lot of support here, please let us know if we can help. X.

Idont. I can't see them saying no?!

Gonna get flamed here for sure.

You can be a feminist and pro-lifer you know? Being pro-life does not mean you are a evil misogynist. Some people, myself included, believe that abortion is damaging to women and society as a whole - not just the unborn child. Not just for those who are sad but feel they have no choice, but for those who feel so blaze and relieved to take a life (which it is) that is growing inside them. Why should we all feel great about having that right? I think it shows what a misogynist society we live in that thinks this is ok.

*“When a man steals to satisfy hunger, we may safely conclude that there is something wrong in society — so when a woman destroys the life of her unborn child, it is an evidence that either by education or circumstances she has been greatly wronged.”

Mattie Brinkerhoff
The Revolution, 1860*

I think women deserve better than abortion.

I felt like you, OP.

Wearing a hair shirt over my TOP? Bugger that.

embrace I'm sorry, but that makes no sense. What do you mean by 'deserve better'? What are the options aside from being forced to go through an unwanted pregnancy and childbirth like a brood mare?

It was far FAR more damaging to women when they had to drink chemicals and undergo dangerous backstreet operations. If abortion was banned, we'd go back to that.

And no, you can't be a feminist and a believer in forced-childbirth. We can argue all day about whether feminists should be able to enjoy porn, and wear make-up, but something fundamental to being a free human being, having your own bodily agency, is not up for debate as far as I'm concerned. You either think women should equality, or you think we should be walking incubators. 'Oops, you got raped, and because of the extreme morning sickness from the pregnancy you never wanted you can no longer work? Well, it's all for own good apparently...'

Yes embrace of course you can and of course you do.

Think it through a bit.

Shall I just cancel after all I deserve so much more than risking my own life. At the very least my existing children deserve so much more than a mother who is able to care for them who won't spend the next few months with a drip in her neck at risk of organ failure.

Embrace - you are not right in your assertion that abortion is bad for society. Read the brilliant 'freakenomics'. It describes how violent crime plummeted in all main cities in the US -all of a sudden and with no explanation until a genius economist counted back 18 yrs and came to Roe vs Wade which legalised abortion in most States. Basically, thousands of unwanted children had not been born to unwilling or incapable mothers and 18 yrs later this had a profound effect on society- for the better. But as the author asserts, no politician would DARE mention this.
Good luck op

embrace You think women deserve better than abortion... well, the alternative in your pro-life world is women being forced through a pregnancy they don't want, losing the rights to their own body, essentially being owned by the state which has made it impossible for them to have a TOP, and giving birth to a baby they either don't want or can't care for, going through the process of relinquishing the baby for adoption...

Or, they can go to a clinic at 7 or 8 weeks, be supported and cared for and end the pregnancy.

Which one's better for women, really?

Unwanted babies are fairly damaging to women and society as a whole, but I can't see how abortion is really?
And I can't see how an individual decision to have a termination affects society at all?
I do think that curtailing women's rights over their own bodies is a very damaging and dangerous step though, definitely not something to be blasé about

And it's not a "life" it's a part of the woman, what bollocks to call an unviable foetus a life

embrace is the best I deserve to withdraw from university, from the course I have given 2 years of my life to and give up my dreams and being able to provide for the children I already have. Because this is what I would have to do with another child.

Is that really better for society?

Dwarfrabbit - I'd forgotten about that.

Abortion and crime (YouTube) m.youtube.com/watch?v=zk6gOeggViw

Dwarfrabbit, that is FANTASTIC information and makes perfect sense

Me and my friend both found out we were pregnant, at the same time, when 38 (her) and 40 (me). Both unplanned. I was thrilled and already had 2 children. She was very unhappy, couldn't afford another child or cope with another child. She already had 3. Her last child had some health problems, the others had some learning difficulties, the husband worked away all week. In addition she had suffered from PND previously. She had an abortion, knew she had done the right thing for her family and has never regretted it. Even though my son is the age her child should be, and she thinks he's great. Everybody is different and she did not tell anyone else about the pregnancy, apart from her husband because it is something that a lot of people have views on.

Very interesting watching

merle I'm glad both choices were the right ones for both of you.

I haven't even told my BF in RL I have only spoken to my friend my GP (had to for the anti sickness tablets and injections) and BPAS.

I'm not intending on telling him because I think its unfair to dump something like that on him when he can have no contribution at all to the end result I can't even pretend he gets to play a part in the decision.

for you idont I hope everything goes ok on Tuesday and you feel better soon. I had a termination for HG and I don't think most people can understand how dangerous it can be. I can completely understand why you are matter of fact: you are literally facing a life or death decision! I told 2 close friends (who knew as soon as I did, having seen me through previous HG pregnancies) and even though 1 is very religious (she would agree with being identified as a forced birther) she has been an amazing support because she understands my decision doesn't affect her choices!

However you feel about is the right way for you to feel. I think people, like your friend and some on this thread, who think you should feel sad and regretful need to remember that this could kill you. You are making the most sensible, responsible choice you can: to stay alive and healthy (although if you are as unlucky as I was it'll take a while to recover from even these few weeks of pregnancy) for the children you have and are responsible for already.

'Oops, you got raped, and because of the extreme morning sickness from the pregnancy you never wanted you can no longer work? Well, it's all for own good apparently...'

That sounds so extreme.

I wish it was only a hypothetical situation. But it's not.

Women here are often given no meds for HG and have to abort or loose their jobs. Great choice. So wonderful for the existing children, to have a mother who is incapable of looking after them and incapable of getting money. Ongoing hunger and neglect is so very good for existing children, don't you know?

Yes I'm resorting to the lowest form of wit.

Even if they are given meds, they aren't enough for some people like the OP. It can be a stark choice between life and death because of HG or for other reasons.

How ridiculous to say that it's better for society for her to have to endure a pregnancy which could kill her and leave her children motherless.

I do think it's a sad situation to have to make that choice, myself. But everyone is different and the OP doesn't. She did everything right, the contraception failed.

if she isn't beating her breast, how dare anyone say it's not okay? what do you want, public repentance? Weeping and wailing? Get a grip and stop being an emotional vampire.

I think it shows what a misogynist society we live in that thinks this is ok

I cannot begin to imagine for a moment that it is misogynistic to have autonomy over one's own body?

I am female. I have the right to have a pregnancy, to not have a pregnancy as I choose. I'm bloody glad.

I had a TOP nearly 10 years ago. Very few people IRL know. I Was a little upset at having to go through it, but it was absolutely the correct decision for me at the time. I didn't go through the emotions that some people in society expect. It was a relief as it was an unwanted pregnancy.

Unfortunately I am now trying to conceive my first baby as I'm at the right point in my life to do it. I have been trying for over 6 months. I know it's not a particularly long time TTC, but I'm worried that I won't ever get pregnant and that it's because I'm being punished.

Absolutely no judgement from me OP. I wish your friend had been more understanding and supportive of you. I told no one precisely because I didn't want to be judged.

I know it's not a particularly long time TTC, but I'm worried that I won't ever get pregnant and that it's because I'm being punished

It doesn't work like that

You're not being punished