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Original poster

In not being all humble and respectful and all that.(abortion related)

600 replies

IdontusuallyNC · 04/01/2015 16:09

I have had the contraceptive injection twice now obviously I had it done on time and followed all instructions given to me I also usually use condoms I have 3 occasions where condom use has not been optimum all in the same weekend.

I have recently to my horror discovered that I am pregnant, POAS because I feel like crap and it felt like HG not expecting it to be the case but these things happen. Due to the amount of children I have one being tiny the nature of the relationship with my sexual partner and a quite serious history of HG and SPD(all but 1 previous pregnancy) I have booked in to have a TOP on Tuesday.

I'm quite comfortable with my decision and in general tend to be quite matter of fact about things.

My closest friend has gone very weird on me I declined an invitation for Tuesday from her and disclosed why. Ever since she has been upset because I'm not being sad enough she feels I'm being flippant about human life and not respectful.

I'm not entirely sure what she means by this and she has tried to be sympathetic not that it is needed but has mentioned this on a few occasions.

So am I meant to be sad and stuff or is it acceptable to feel positive towards the decision?

OP posts:
MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 04/01/2015 21:56

For those struggling to understand the 'Abortion up to 40 weeks' thing, I'll lay out how I see it (can't speak for anyone else, this is just my logic).

I personally do not feel able to put a caveat on 'I am pro choice'.

To say 'I am pro choice, BUT only if it is before a certain date/for medical reasons' is, to me, tantamount to saying 'I believe in a woman's right to bodily autonomy, BUT only if she deserves it'. Which, to me, is not too far removed from saying gems like 'I believe in a woman's right to not be raped, BUT only if she's wearing respectable clothing/not 'asking for it'/stays at home every night'.

That is how I feel. I don't believe it is right to introduce exceptions and caveats to the right to bodily autonomy.

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 04/01/2015 21:57

Sorry for double post Blush

Annunziata · 04/01/2015 21:57

That is not for me to say, radio.

DinosaurRaaaar · 04/01/2015 21:58

Pomme - I have nursed several registered psychopathic women who have wanted very late term abortions PURELY for kicks and giggles. The law as it stands is there for a reason, and whilst I have every sympathy with the op, to start discussing abortion to term, particularly couched in terms of well it wouldn't happen, women make the best decision etc etc, is to never have had knowledge of such women. Women, as well as men, can obviously be very evil, and to advocate abortion to term because women can always make the best decision at the time, is not true.

radiobedhead · 04/01/2015 22:00

But it is for you to say that a woman can't abort? Why?

TheBabyFacedAssassin · 04/01/2015 22:01

Terninating a pregnancy is not killing a child. Can we just clear that up?

Annunziata · 04/01/2015 22:02

Because I believe life starts at conception and life is sacred.

Original poster
IdontusuallyNC · 04/01/2015 22:02

gallic

I know with previous pregnancies I have been offered a TOP as late as 29/30 weeks because of the HG and I also know from my interactions on forums like this when talking about HG other women have also been offered the same.

I know of one who said yes.

OP posts:
radiobedhead · 04/01/2015 22:02

So don't have an abortion Annun. The end.

basgetti · 04/01/2015 22:03

What about the OP's life, and that of her already born children who need an alive and healthy mother?

EveDallasRetd · 04/01/2015 22:04

To me Pro-Choice means under any circumstances, on request and at any time.

It's not Pro choice BUT.. or Pro choice IF... or Pro Choice UNLESS...

It's simply Pro Choice.

basgetti · 04/01/2015 22:04

Or is it only the life of the foetus that is sacred?

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 04/01/2015 22:04

Annunziata Having that opinion, and telling a woman she can't abort because you disagree with it are two very different things.

Don't like abortions? Don't have one!

Original poster
IdontusuallyNC · 04/01/2015 22:06

But that is what she is doing. She knows that and is fine with it

No what I am fine with is having a TOP and removing a cluster of cells that are rather more than parasitic and have the potential to leave my actual children without a mother.

OP posts:
TheBabyFacedAssassin · 04/01/2015 22:06

Annunziata you are entitled to your beliefs though I would respectfully ask you to be aware that the language you use can be offensive to others who don't hold the same beliefs. I don't feel such language is appropriate in this debate.

toomuchnutella · 04/01/2015 22:07

Well, you are killing your unborn child, i would be pretty disgusted if i had a friend who was as flippant about it as you.

Its not a cluster of cells either,google it if you must!

EveDallasRetd · 04/01/2015 22:07

...and as an emetophobe who was ready to terminate after simple and 'normal' morning sickness, suffering HG would have tipped me over the edge. It would have been the foetus or me, one would have to go.

I feel for you OP and I hope everything goes well for you.

JassyRadlett · 04/01/2015 22:08

Annunziata, your view of what's sacred is based on your religious beliefs. Which aren't shared by a very large number of people, and thankfully this isn't a theocracy.

ArcheryAnnie · 04/01/2015 22:09

I think you are allowed to feel however you like about the termination, OP. Some women do mourn, and some women feel nothing but relief, and there's nothing to say one way is better than another.

It seems pretty clear your friend is projecting how she'd feel in the circs onto you. She is allowed to mourn if that's what she'd do, and you are allowed to feel relief, or matter-of-fact, or any other way that you do.

(And you are allowed to feel different things at different times, too.)

I'd say you are being entirely respectful of human life, BTW - yours, which you clearly want to hang onto for your own sake, but also presumably for the sake of your kids, too.

Original poster
IdontusuallyNC · 04/01/2015 22:09

dinosaur

Did they get them?

OP posts:
PacificDogwood · 04/01/2015 22:10

Lots of people are projecting here… Hmm

DinosaurRaaaar · 04/01/2015 22:12

Or Moomin - it's rather like sex with caveats isn't it? You can have sex at any point, up to and until one party says no. Or should the other party not have to respect that cut off point?

I am clearly very stupid, because I cannot see why having boundaries in place means you hate the gender constrained by that boundary. I believe in abortion law, but don't hate women. I believe in rape law, but don't hate men. I do loathe the attitude that women should have completely free reign over the decision to abort to term, in other than majorly restricted circumstances. There is a massive difference between women's bodily autonomy and taking it too far into the realms of the monstrous.

Or perhaps, those of you who agree with abortion to term also agree with Greece's stance on euthanising disabled babies. After all, what difference would a couple of days make?

And if women could abort to term, no questions asked, do you seriously not think that a number of women would be forced into that by abusive partners, as some sick game of "now you're attached to it and are so close to the end, ha ha game over". Working with DV survivors, I can assure you it really would happen. Still, that's empowering innit?

DinosaurRaaaar · 04/01/2015 22:13

Idont - er, no!!! Far too late for that.

ArcheryAnnie · 04/01/2015 22:14

toomuchnutella that's a dreadful thing to say. Do you seriously want any friend of yours to suffer?

radiobedhead · 04/01/2015 22:15

Pacific - I wonder if people who perhaps struggle to conceive/know of terrible miscarriage/stillborn tragedies think Abortion is Bad because they stop envisioning a world where having a baby might be a huge financial/Emotional/physical inconvenience. Not realising of course that some woman then needs to play incubator to the baby they may or may not adopt.

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