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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To ask if anyone is setting up a fb page to discuss Tricky Dicky?

627 replies

IAmOnMyBike · 03/01/2015 20:53

It seems we are not allowed to speak about anything negative elsewhere. Please do not speak badly of Tricky Dicky and co.

OP posts:
AliceinWinterWonderland · 04/01/2015 13:50

If the fundraising is to pay for loss of income, their expenses, and the expenses of a baby (that obviously they would have had to pay for things for regardless), then yes, I believe that their financial situation IS relevant. It forms the very basis of the "need" IYSWIM.

BeautifulPain · 04/01/2015 13:50

Saying that he keeps contradicting what he's saying, one minute he says it's all being donated to RMH the next he's saying any EXCESS will be donated, this is his problem he contradicts everything he is saying and the way this whole fundraising has been done is a total sham, he needs to turn it around sharpish before the media pick up on all this.

AndreaDislikesScammers · 04/01/2015 13:57

It's the excess being donated, assuming there is some left - which there should be with that amount raised!

Does this mean the Dax Foundation idea has been shelved?

BeautifulPain · 04/01/2015 13:59

Andrea, yes that's what the status said then he made a few comments underneath it replying to other people.

differentnameforthis · 04/01/2015 13:59

But we don't know their financial situation! It's all speculation on a few, what appear to be public, posts on a social media site.

Their financial situation has nothing to do with us. If people are happy to give money, buy stuff for strangers who they know nothing about, that is up to them.

It is fine to think they are naive & to walk away.

I think any donating done on here is pretty daft, tbh, inc secret santa. Those who donate know nothing about those receiving on here, taking what they say at face value. They aren't asked to justify their need, or supply financial statements that justify why they are worthy of donations.

There are also offers of stuff as soon as someone posts with a bit of a hard luck story, there have been monetary donations & donations of toys/essentials, even offers of a pace to stay.. yet the irony is that people here are criticising the friend of the parents for doing what plenty have done on here in the past - asking for help. Yet it's OK here on MN, but on fb?

Yet, I don't go onto the threads, or start fb groups discussing how people who donate are being scammed etc. I don't open the threads, I don't donate. I don't feel the need to rip people apart either.

AcrossthePond55 · 04/01/2015 14:00

I think people who are getting in a snit about criticism are missing the points being made. Or not being able to separate the family from the fundraising. No one is saying that they are 'bad parents' or that they (posters) don't wish Dax the very best. But they are pointing out that the vast majority of people in their position do it ON THEIR OWN or with help only from their own circle. Especially when it appears that their immediate need are being well met and/or they have the resources to do for themselves.

For the vast majority of us, this type of situation would have been handled quietly and amongst friends. And once it was realized that insurance was going to handle everything it would have been done and sorted with thanks to all who had helped out. Instead it's a runaway train of, at the very least, misleading statements and about-faces.

An emergency of any type can't really be 100% 'planned for'. But that doesn't mean that you pass the public hat so that you don't have to incur debt or retrench your lifestyle to handle it. Unfortunately, many people feel that they are 'entitled' to their lifestyle and that nothing should be able to touch it.

I do think that 'the fundraiser' has backed himself into a corner with his misleading statements and his 'I'm a hero' ego and now can't or won't do the right thing and stop it all.

UrsulaBuffay · 04/01/2015 14:07

It's embarrassing now tbh

AliceinWinterWonderland · 04/01/2015 14:08

Their financial situation has nothing to do with us. If people are happy to give money, buy stuff for strangers who they know nothing about, that is up to them.

If someone is fundraising for them because they are saying they have no finances to pay for their living expenses and baby expenses, because the statement has been put out there that they are unable to pay for them, then yes, I think their financial situation has everything to do with it. If they wanted to keep their financial situation private, then the fundraising should have been kept to a "local only" level and the news media should not have been actively courted.

It is not acceptable to plead poverty and request people donate to you and then complain when people note that you don't have enough money to pay for baby expenses that you should already have budgeted for, while taking an expensive holiday to NYC. Although, to be fair, it's the employer that is doing this, rather than the parents. They have been conspicuously absent from the website for the most part. I personally would have been horrified and embarrassed if I were one of the parents, but that's just my take on it.

differentnameforthis · 04/01/2015 14:11

What is happening on this thread & on the fb groups is FAR from criticism.

People are pulling apart a family & spitting out the bits. Gathering 'evidence' of their financial means is NOT criticism, neither is looking through their facebook pages, looking for something to trip them up. It's bordering on harassment.

Is it any wonder that several profiles on the Tricky dicky page have been set up solely to discuss this on fb. People hiding behind fake profiles to try to bring down parents (and their friend) caring for a premmie. Lovely grown up behaviour, don't even have the courage to their real selves along side their opinions.

There is a name for people like that, isn't there...oh yeah...trolls. The very same type of 'person' that people here are criticising "Tricky Dicky" for deleting on the fund raising page. So again, it's OK to create a troll personality new profile to discuss/critise everything that is 'wrong' with the fund raising/friend/parents, but is isn't OK for Richard to delete nasty comments about his efforts/him/parents.

Ubik1 · 04/01/2015 14:12

"Their financial situation has nothing to do with us. If people are happy to give money, buy stuff for strangers who they know nothing about, that is up to them.

It is fine to think they are naive & to walk away."

Yy

differentnameforthis · 04/01/2015 14:13

So in the future, we need to see the financial status of anyone who fund raises?

Funny how people give to cancer charities that have millions on their banks, or give to those on here looking for help, or various giving pages etc...

Again, unless YOU are donating, their financial status of NOTHING to do with you.

AliceinWinterWonderland · 04/01/2015 14:13

different I wouldn't know, as I'm not on that fb page.

AcrossthePond55 · 04/01/2015 14:14

Their financial situation has nothing to do with us. If people are happy to give money, buy stuff for strangers who they know nothing about, that is up to them.

It does when people have apparently been mislead about it.

SirChenjin · 04/01/2015 14:14

Are the 'trolls' asking people to donate money to a vague cause and not being clear about the T&Cs different?

If not, then the 2 are not comparable.

everlong · 04/01/2015 14:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AndreaDislikesScammers · 04/01/2015 14:20

different

I think people are setting up fake/alternative FB profiles as the fundraiser has already said he is going to report one poster to her employers. He also posted a screenshot of her private message to him. Twice. Both pictures garnered insults and threats towards her.

Lots of Dax supporters have been raking through dissenters' profiles trying to find out where they work etc. and making nasty comments, sending threatening messages etc. I'm guessing that's why some people are choosing to use profiles other than their main accounts.

ArsenicFaceCream · 04/01/2015 14:20

What is happening on this thread & on the fb groups is FAR from criticism.

Got to disagree with you there different. I can see a LOT of constructive, considered critique.

AliceinWinterWonderland · 04/01/2015 14:22

different You have no idea who on this thread has or has not initially donated, thinking perhaps that it was actually for medical bills, and maybe now is unhappy that they have been misled.

I think that if you set up fundraising for a particular charity, where the money is all going to the charity, then obviously the individual's financial status is irrelevant.

If, however, you set up fundraising for a particular person/couple, claiming that they are financially in need of money to cover first medical bills, then (once the medical bills were erased) personal expenses including items for a planned baby that would normally be covered by any other couple in the country at their own expense, when that particular person/couple is in the midst of an expensive holiday... well, yes, their financial position is justifiably called into question. It's misleading to imply that they are literally without funds or support, as they are patently not.

I'm sorry if this makes you unhappy and you dislike people questioning it, but when you court the press, to some extent you have to expect that things like this will out at some point.

I personally would like to see the parents step up and say "we are okay, we have enough between our parents and ourselves and the insurance company and local support - we want to donate all of this money that people have given to the RMH, the hospital, and a preemie charity so it can help others that are less fortunate than we are." That, along with shutting down the donation points, would end the issue right there and then IMO, and leave people with a much better impression of the parents than has been given of them by the employer through his actions so far.

AndreaDislikesScammers · 04/01/2015 14:22

Oh and yes, I know the 'raking through' comment can equally be applied to posters checking out the Dad's FB account. There is, however, a difference between commenting on someone's cars/meals/plane seats and trying to get someone sacked.

differentnameforthis · 04/01/2015 14:24

Hmm, perhaps they are not comparable, Hiding behind a fake profile to criticize someone is cowardice. At least those being nasty on the fund-raising page don't feel the need to hide their identities.

Creating fake profiles is against the T&Cs of fb, by the way!

AcrossthePond55 And he offered back the money to anyone who asked, did he not?

No one should feel obligated to donate, no one should be criticized for not doing so either.

To be fair, those pulling apart the fund-raising on the threads here & fb & those criticizing those for not giving, are as bad as each other.

Everyone seems to have got involved to slate someone, to further their own gain & to make themselves feel superior

MN - look at us, we are too smart to be conned, let's play amateur detective & criticize the whole operation

FB - look at me donating to those in need, I am a hero

I don't thinks anyone actually gives a crap about that little boy, they just want some glory for themselves.

differentnameforthis · 04/01/2015 14:25

people are setting up fake/alternative FB profiles as the fundraiser has already said he is going to report one poster to her employers Then perhaps people need to be careful what they say/how they behave on fb? Keep their profile private & don't say anything that will cause them problems?

If you are playing fair, and stand by your opinion, there is no need to create a fake profile.

AndreaDislikesScammers · 04/01/2015 14:27

different

"And he offered back the money to anyone who asked, did he not?"

yes he did. Then immediately announced it on the page when someone did just that. They were called a 'disgusting animal', 'morally wrong' etc and there were calls to name & shame them, presumably so that they could be hounded and harassed.

The person who asked for their money back was donating it direct to RMH ffs.

bananaramadramallama · 04/01/2015 14:29

I have messaged Richard directly asking him to call a stop at this point and direct all funding to other, already established charities but he seems to have a bee in his bonnet about continuing with this direction.

I don't want him, his business, the parents in NY, to be subject to backlash if it turns but I fear they will be.

I don't think he is an evil scammer, but I do think he is woefully out of his depth and misguided in his intentions.

differentnameforthis · 04/01/2015 14:29

Got to disagree with you there different. I can see a LOT of constructive, considered critique.

Giving details instructions as to how to access the fathers profile (after he hid it)
Pulling apart their spending habits
Criticising her for flying while pregnant
Criticising them for not having the correct insurance
Searching his profile for proof of their financial status

...if that is constructive, considered critique, I'd hate to see what your version of digging for info is.

differentnameforthis · 04/01/2015 14:32

There is, however, a difference between commenting on someone's cars/meals/plane seats and trying to get someone sacked.

Commenting? Try actively looking for information in order to bring about someone's downfall.

They are both wrong.

And ok, so if anyone donated here & they feel conned, answer me this...have they reported the fb page to the police or accepted the offer of money back?