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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be totally angry that flu hits over Xmas and DH stays in bed for a week

95 replies

Monkeygirl28 · 01/01/2015 08:07

Flu hit on 27th, both of us get it, DH goes straight to bed leaving me with his parents and 2 DD 3 and 6 months to just get on with it...bedtimes, cooking, inlaw small talk etc and then generally getting up 4x night then up at 6am with either child....Pretty raging.....think I've had one lie in to recover...

OP posts:
Sirzy · 01/01/2015 08:10

Well when I had flu I had no choice but to go to bed. I physically couldn't do anything else.

What did your in laws do to help?

Chottie · 01/01/2015 08:10

It wasn't until I became a mother that I understood why my DM was never, ever ill.

MythicalKings · 01/01/2015 08:12

Why did you let it happen? I'd have dumped a child on top of him and told him to deal with it. Selfish git.

Original poster
Monkeygirl28 · 01/01/2015 08:13

They did bits to help..but I still put both dc to bed then made dinner
I know flu is so bad I'm just annoyed I'm up again at 6am...
There seems to be one rule for them..one for us.

Chottie- so understand where your coming from

Being a mum is so hard

OP posts:
Kingoftheroad · 01/01/2015 08:15

That's exactly what my DH would do. The only thing I can think of is as soon as he leaves the bed get in, stay there for the week and leave him to it. Refuse to budge . Hope you recover quickly and feel better soon. It's not easy at any time but much worse when you have small children.

EatDessertFirst · 01/01/2015 08:16

YANBU. Your in-laws should help or leave. Why would they want to be waited on by a clearly ill person? Who does DH think would look after the DC if you took to your bed as well?

Original poster
Monkeygirl28 · 01/01/2015 08:18

MythicalKings you are totally right, I'm an idiot,
I just wanted to gage opinion. I think inlaws were like oh poor DH go to bed you look awful....I have this inherent and totally weak need for them to think I'm a great dil, or that need for people to like me which i am working on, new year it's going to change....!

OP posts:
MistAndAWeepingRain · 01/01/2015 08:20

I really don't think either of you had flu. If you have proper flu then it is impossible to get out of bed. Really impossible. You would have been barely able to function let alone make small talk with in laws! Sounds like a nasty virus though. If your in laws were there why didn't they help you?

Original poster
Monkeygirl28 · 01/01/2015 08:21

Thanks kingoftheroad, spoke to my df yesterday who said the same thing...
After getting all the food and presents I'd had enough, next yr I'm not doing Xmas!

OP posts:
dorasee · 01/01/2015 08:23

Oh I hear you. I've got the same routine...up at 6am after hopping up and down like a frog all night. My youngest is 6 months. DH and I had stomach flu. My DH does exactly the same thing. Straight to bed for him but never ever for me. I never get a lie in...ever. It always nags at me a bit. Your in laws should take over and let you at least get a solid nap...even 2 hours of pure, uninterrupted sleep isn't much to ask for.

Stealthpolarbear · 01/01/2015 08:27

Mist what would happen to the children in that case

londonrach · 01/01/2015 08:28

Agree with mist. Hope you feeling better soon. Awful time to catch something. Xxx

Original poster
Monkeygirl28 · 01/01/2015 08:31

Mist, you are prob right, I should have posted being talked at...

Thanks dorasee yep sounds the same as my nights, hope you get some sleep

I'm going to approach this differently next time, I don't need to be the dm martyr!,

Thanks everyone

And I'm feeling better thank god xx

OP posts:
LadyintheRadiator · 01/01/2015 08:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KERALA1 · 01/01/2015 08:34

You wouldn't be functioning with flu. Dh and I had it when dd was 8 months. My parents were away we had to get my uncle to look after dd (bless him) we physically couldn't.

dalmatianmad · 01/01/2015 08:39

Sorry that you've felt rough although it's very unlikely to be flu, you literally cannot move from your bed with flu. I remember crawling on my hands and knees to the toilet on the one occasion I had flu, I slept for 48 hours solid and was hallucinating.
Hopefully he will make up for it when he's feeling better and let you get some well deserved rest!

Wormatthebottomofthegarden · 01/01/2015 08:40

I don't get why if you are both ill your DH gets the option to stay in bed. Do shifts so you at least get some sleep.

Being ill with DC is hardwork but why on earth are you letting your DH do this?? It's alright saying next year you're not doing it but how does that help you now? The amount some men get away with just astounds me. And stop pandering to your in laws too.

LadyintheRadiator · 01/01/2015 08:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Storytown · 01/01/2015 09:02

I totally get you. DH has been in bed since Sunday. He is really ill and he is usually very helpful around the house and fairly brave when he's ill - doesn't make a big fuss over a cold for example. I think this time he is genuinely in the it's not possible to do anything but sleep category. It started with the same virus we all have but his has turned into a chest infection. So, I should be worried and sympathetic, but I don't feel 100% either, DS2 has a terrible cough and what with all the coughing, retching and snoring I haven't had any sleep at all since Sunday.

He has anti-biotics now so hopefully there will be some improvement today and then I'm going to bed.

SaucyMare · 01/01/2015 09:15

When i have family staying i always get them to do most of the kid stuff as they love it. It isnt done the same, takes a bit longer but everyone has fun.

Why do people run around after family i just honestly don't get it?

pludolphTheRedNosedReindeer · 01/01/2015 09:22

I am pretty surprised that your ILs were stupid enough to stay around to be cooked for by someone who was ill. FFS, either nurse the patients and keep the DC out of the way, or else leave the plague house. Shock

Did they have a non-flexible plane/train ticket, or something?

londonrach · 01/01/2015 09:26

Lady real flu means seriously you cant do anything. Caring for children would be impossible. For some people thats hospital on drips etc. It is still a killer. Luckily real flu is not too common. Sounds like op is on the mend. Wishing everyone on mn a healthy and happy 2015.

Storytown · 01/01/2015 09:30

I agree with London. The idea that because you're a mother parent you just have to get on with the thing the way mere mortals can't is ridiculous. Sometimes people get really ill, even mothers. Then they have to get help from neighbours or SS.

But, as London says, this is thankfully rare and a lot of the time when "people" take to their beds, it's not entirely necessary but still desirable to help them recover as quickly as possible.

Mrsstarlord · 01/01/2015 09:35

My husband says (and I quote) 'if you've got time to post on here you've got too much time on your hands. Put the kettle on and stop moaning'
I feel I have to point out (before mumsnet gets furious) that he was joking, but it made me laugh so I thought I'd post it Grin

Asleeponasunbeam · 01/01/2015 09:40

Oh I hate the stupid 'proper flu' purists. Not all cases of flu are the same. Yes, you had to go to your bed and couldn't function, someone else might manage to do some essential tasks. It's like claiming childbirth is the same for everyone.

Poor OP, sounds hideous.