To be totally angry that flu hits over Xmas and DH stays in bed for a week

[Monkeygirl28]

Flu hit on 27th, both of us get it, DH goes straight to bed leaving me with his parents and 2 DD 3 and 6 months to just get on with it...bedtimes, cooking, inlaw small talk etc and then generally getting up 4x night then up at 6am with either child....Pretty raging.....think I've had one lie in to recover...

[FloatIsRechargedNow]

I must be really lucky because I haven't had flu for over 13 years! Yes, I've been ill, but with no one else around to help throughout ds's life I've never been allowed to become so ill I can't get out of bed. I'm no youngster either, currently in my 50s. I'm ill at the moment and lovely ds did make me a cup of tea, which is worth a 1,000 as he has SN and needs help with many things. I'm rather looking forward to the luxury of staying in bed, ill or not, in a few years time.

And OP your husband is BU, or very selfish, so please just announce to everybody that you have come down with what he's got, find the nearest empty bed and go lie in it and render yourself 'incapable' of getting out of it, leaving ILs and DH to get on with things.

[TheFowlAndThePussycat]

Agree with those who say that sometimes there is not the choice to just stay in bed with flu. DH, DM and I had flu when the DCs were 18 months and 3yo. It was horrendous, I still don't know how we got through it, but we did make sure the kids were fed, nappies changed etc, of course we did.

On the OPs point though, how can you have the slightest respect for anyone, (DH or in-laws) who allow this to happen?

I would no more leave DH to struggle when he was ill than he would leave me - and neither my parents nor my in-laws would allow either of us to play 'host' in this scenario.

I would be having a very bloody serious conversation with DH if I were you.

[Storytown]

Not having flu in 13 years would be entirely usual. I've never had flu. It's actually pretty rare

[Hamuketsu]

I've had flu once in my life. I was hallucinating at one point, couldn't even lift a glass of water. Then dh got it too - dd1 was a year old, no family help. We had to keep going, taking turns. Dh lost a stone in weight and I lost my voice for a full fortnight. Never been as ill in my life. But we had no option because we had no help.

Towards the end MIL visited and spent her time crying to me about how ill dh looked, and how he was doing too much. I can fully believe that PILs might enable their sons to get the rest while their DILs carry on.

[TheFowlAndThePussycat]

Yes, I have only ever had flu once, and it was absolutely definitely far worse than anything else I've had to deal with outside of hospital. But most people who have flu do have to deal with it outside of hospital, so you get through it somehow.

[LeBearPolar]

Even if you have children you really really can't do anything if you actually have flu. Most people who think they've had flu have usually had a bad virus but not proper flu.

Did laugh at venom at "proper flu purists" .

[Sausages123]

My H had flu last Xmas leaving me to look after my son whilst pregnant and feeling rough he could not have helped. I bloody well made sure he had a jab this year best £7 spent

[Hamuketsu]

In our situation I don't know what else we could have done other than carrying on, though. Dh got it a few days after me so I was past the hallucinating at least by that time. But if he'd caught it earlier we had literally no options for help via family and didn't know our neighbours. I suppose we'd have had to access help through the HV or someone?

[PrimalLass]

Why put up with these selfish bastards? What happens if you call them on their behaviour?

[Hurr1cane]

I've had the flu once, I didn't even know my own name, I was completely fucked. If I got it now, no way I could care for DS, I wouldn't even know.

I have had a very bad virus when he was here though, last year i think, I could crawl out of bed with a bucket and make cereal then lay on the floor throwing up, I couldn't drive, dress him or make proper food though, but it was still not the flu.

[FloatIsRechargedNow]

Yep - I think 'flu' is a pretty overused terminology nowadays, but I think people use it to distinguish it from a 'bad cold' and, as not everyone knows the precise medical name for whatever they happen to be suffering from, 'flu' is the name most people give it. Still, if I'm not lucky not to have had 'flu' in over 13 years, there's seems to be a lot of unlucky people on MN who have.

[HollyBdenum]

Some people do get flu mildly. My dad had a proper diagnostic blood test for some reason which I can't remember which revealed his bad cold which didn't require him to go to bed was proper flu. It's like anything - some children are seriously ill with chicken pox while others get a couple of spots and don't even feel ill.

[Hamuketsu]

I think that after having it you retain some immunity until the virus mutates enough that your system stops recognising it, or a new strain comes in. I'm getting nervous as our flu was 15 years ago now. Maybe it can be mild in some people if they've had flu before and have a sort of partial immunity?

[lougle]

"I really don't think either of you had flu....Sounds like a nasty virus though."

'Flu is a nasty virus. Influenza. It's just a nasty virus with a name that people know. It's not a mystical illness with special powers. It's just a very, very nasty virus. It can affect people differently so whilst one person could be hospitalised with a strain of 'flu, sometime else may be able to fight it quite effectively and only suffer (relatively) mildly. That's why only people with underlying risk factors are offered the vaccination free of charge.

[GokTwo]

Poor you, sounds vile. Didn't your in laws even think of going home early? It seems so inconsiderate to hang around when your hosts are ill if you're not helping out.

[CaptainTripps]

Nope - you didn't have flu. Just a nasty, nasty bug.

I think it has become a generic term for all nasty, debilitation bugs. But with flu you would NOT be able to function in any meaningful way.

Glad you are on the mend!

[ShadowsShadowsEverywhere]

Oh ffs.
When I had gall stones and was still with abusive ex I was not allowed to get medical attention for 24 hours. During those 24 hours I dragged myself (on hands and knees but sort of scrunched to one side) around the house to care for my children. I passed out several times but I kept them fed, kept the tv on and managed a few nappy changes.

When I had had a four day stop start labour with no sleep and was forced to self discharge hours after giving birth and then spend a full 12 hours caring for a toddler and the baby I'd had hours before I again perfected the staggering about, vomitting due to pain, blacking out but ensuring both DCs were fed, tv was on, few nappy changes happened.

So when I had FLU, yes ACTUAL flu, I once again managed to care for two small children.

I was not permitted to rest or seek medical attention and so I had NO CHOICE. My children would have genuinely been left to starve if I didn't do it. So you find a way. You take an hour, on your hands and knees to crawl to where your child is if you have to. I've passed out on the way to their room, come round and kept crawling. Because I HAD to.
So all this bollocks about "well you wouldn't be able to do that if it were real flu" can fuck off. When you have to you find a way. Some of us don't have the luxury of not being able to.

[Somemothers]

poster MistAndAWeepingRain


That's nonsense I was a single mother and can assure you my child would have starved other wise I had to at one point when he was 2 I crawled along the floor to the kitchen made him lunch slid down the fridge and crawled back to the sofa

[ScrambledSmegs]

Ha. I have had 'real flu' a few times. Thanks to coming from a family that Does Not Do illness, I have never had the luxury of taking to my bed. Ever.

The time that I ended up in hospital on a drip being monitored regularly because of this mentality suggests that maybe it isn't the best attitude to have, but it is actually possible to keep going even when delirious with fever/pain and your limbs don't really work. You just crawl while your bastard family makes jokes at your expense.

I also never missed a day of school. Not because I was never ill. I bet my classmates' parents just loved me.

Hope you feel better soon OP. . Oh, and KILL HIM.

[NoMontagues]

somemothers I'm so, so sorry but the mental image of you sliding down the fridge made me lol.

I was a single mother for 12 years and I've had those days too. It's shite.

[BrieAndChilli]

I had flu a couple of months ago, I was fine all morning not a hint of illness, took ds horseriding, supermarket etc then literally within 5 min like a switch had been flipped I couldn't talk, feverish, achy etc. it was so bizarre. Normally with colds and bugs you feel a bit off, sore throat slowly develops etc over a day or 2 before you get to the worst day of it.
I took to my bed all weekend but unfortunately DH had to go to work as had something he couldn't get out of and I had to drive the kids to school, I remember thinking at the time I really shouldn't be driving, and then I would come home and sit on sofa whilst ds2 played and watched TV, while hours would pass where I just lost time, he would go to the fridge and get so good out for himself!
It took me a month to feel better completely
I had another cold a coue of weeks ago with a nasty cough and managed to pass it on to everyone at work - who were all complaining how poorly they were and I was going - God this is nothing compared to what I had last month!

[FryOneFatManic]

I was diagnosed with flu when I was 3. I've not had it since (I'm now 46).

I do know people who were diagnosed properly with flu, and for them it was mild while for other people it was severe. I think it depends, like any other illness, on a combination of factors such as your immune levels, the strain of flu, etc, etc, so yes, it is possible to get out of bed with flu.

I still think OP's DH should be getting up to help and not leave it all to OP. He is also a parent and should step up here.

[Glastokitty]

I've had proper flu once and swine flu once. I'm 45. With the normal flu I was totally fucked and bedridden for two weeks, but I reckon I could have just about fed a child with huge difficulty. With the swine flu, not a chance, the only reason I wasn't in hospital was because it was incredibly contagious and they wanted to keep me in quarantine if at all possible.if I'd been a single parent my son would have had to go into care until I recovered, I was hallucinating and had a temp of 105. So I guess that makes me a flu purist.

So yeah, if your husband had real flu yabu, if it was a bad cold yanbu.

[AnyFucker]

If you act like a martyr, that's the treatment you will get

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