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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to obbsess over an ignored message?

354 replies

SalsaOnCrackers · 01/01/2015 05:45

A superior at work has helped me loads in my job and we get on famously. Few months back we exchanged numbers and we've reached a comfortable stage where we've gone for a couple quick coffees after work when he's in town. He's shared pictures of his lovely kids with me as well, so we've become quite friendly.

Today at work I sent him a message to say happy new year to him and his family and to thank him for all his help this year.

This was in the morning. And there has been no response at all.

This is jarring because he's always quick to reply and if he's busy he will say so and respond in more detail a few hours later.

Without going into detail I know he read the message and I know today wasn't a busy day at work for anybody. So it's apparent he just ignored the message deliberately.

Given the positive note things have been on, I don't understand why he just didn't reply?! I can't think of anything I may have done to offend so I'm completely puzzled here.

I know I shouldn't take this so seriously but I can't stop obsessing over it.

OP posts:

DropYourSword · 01/01/2015 08:29

Would you be upset if he did just say thanks though. If you'd asked him questions etc wouldn't you also find insult in such a short message?

ArsenicFaceCream · 01/01/2015 08:30

Salsa what was the question you asked him?

OrangesLemons · 01/01/2015 08:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

SalsaOnCrackers · 01/01/2015 08:32

"Add message | Report | Message poster Viviennemary Thu 01-Jan-15 08:28:13
Sounds a bit inappropriate messaging somebody like this on NY's day if he has a wife and family.

Wow, really?! So tomorrow if I got married, it would be inappropriate for my male employees to wish me happy new year?

This is the most amazing thing I've ever read in my life.

OP posts:

notagainffffffffs · 01/01/2015 08:34

This sounds very very familiar-did you post another version pf this a while back?
You need to back off a bit

Original poster

SalsaOnCrackers · 01/01/2015 08:35

Add message | Report | Message poster ArsenicFaceCream Thu 01-Jan-15 08:30:28
Salsa what was the question you asked him?

Well, obviously I asked him if he'd have an extra marital affair with me. I steal husbands all the time and make it a point to do it on the office systems where I can get easily caught.

OP posts:

TrojanWhore · 01/01/2015 08:36

i think it means he was working.

He was at work, and received a NY message from a junior colleague. It didn't make the importance threshold for an immediate reply (your colleague doesn't see you as a friend, just a junior with whom he is on amicable terms).

Original poster

SalsaOnCrackers · 01/01/2015 08:36

Add message | Report | Message poster notagainffffffffs Thu 01-Jan-15 08:34:55
This sounds very very familiar-did you post another version pf this a while back?

Yes I had posted about how I'm going to go after all the married men in my office. I fancy being unemployed.

OP posts:

ArsenicFaceCream · 01/01/2015 08:36

Aha

PartyFops · 01/01/2015 08:38

I think it's his way of saying that you are getting a bit too familiar. Leave him be until you see him next at work.

KatieKaye · 01/01/2015 08:39

I have never been so busy that I can't spare 2 seconds just to acknowledge a message

Lucky you. You obviously don't have a demanding/pressured role in your organisation. Surely you can understand that other people have much more taxing jobs that require 100% concentration, and that they might see such trivial messages as an annoying distraction that disturbs their work?

Keep work systems for work-related matters and don't obsess because other people do not share your habit of dropping what they are doing at work to respond to a non-work, non-important message.

Dawnywoo · 01/01/2015 08:39

You are being super defensive OP.

Go and try to enjoy your day instead of this taking up any more of your New Year. You asked the question. The general consensus was 'unreasonable to obsess'

New Years resolution - don't obsess.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

Monstamio · 01/01/2015 08:39

This is getting a bit derailed now, but the overall consensus on your original OP is that he just didn't get around to responding and he's not upset with you. So there's nothing to worry about. I would take that from this thread and move on.

Bakeoffcakes · 01/01/2015 08:40

No Salsa, it doesn't come across as "strange" to a lot of people if someone doesn't reply quickly to an email. The vast majority of people realise their email may not be the most important thing going on at that moment or that the recipient may not even respond. Most people don't get in a complete tizzy about it.
You are 100% in the wrong here.

Viviennemary · 01/01/2015 08:40

Absolutely PartyFops. You put it much better than I did.

Feellikescrooge · 01/01/2015 08:40

14 year old "I text x yesterday and he still hasn't replied". Obsessively checks phone every 2 minutes, argues with everyone who tries to minimise situation/ suggest he's not that into her. Normal behaviour for teen. Adult woman not so much. You asked if you were BU, the overwhelming answer is yes.

CalleighDoodle · 01/01/2015 08:41

Regardless of what your intention is, maybe HE thinks you are getting too friendly and he wants to keep you at arms length.

ArsenicFaceCream · 01/01/2015 08:41

i don't think Salsa is feeling very receptive to the consensus.

Original poster

SalsaOnCrackers · 01/01/2015 08:42

true. My job is super relaxing. It involves eat cake all day actually. That's what I did today until 7pm. It's a breeze. So naturally I'm never busy and I can't possibly understand how anyone else would need to concentrate.

Thanks for pointing this out!

OP posts:

ArsenicFaceCream · 01/01/2015 08:44

So, just to be clear; You don't think YABU to 'obsess over an ignored message' Salsa?

SolomanDaisy · 01/01/2015 08:44

I wouldn't feel like a happy new year message was one I needed to reply to. You are over invested, either in a messaging etiquette that not everyone subscribes to or in your friendship with your colleague. Can you see from the responses that your reaction is unusually intense? Do you have your own family/friends outside of work?

Original poster

SalsaOnCrackers · 01/01/2015 08:45

"Add message | Report | Message poster PartyFops Thu 01-Jan-15 08:38:32
I think it's his way of saying that you are getting a bit too familiar. Leave him be until you see him next at work."

I think you are right- this can be the only explanation. It wasn't my intention to be over friendly and given that he is pretty open and chatty with me as well, I didn't think he'd percieve this as overstepping. But maybe he did...

Note: my previous three messages were sarcastic (clarifying for those who take everything posted here at face value).

OP posts:

musicalendorphins2 · 01/01/2015 08:45

Sorry Salsa, I thought it may have been via e-mail or fb, something that needs power to work. I can just think he either ignored the message as an innocent social blunder (not thinking a reply was necessary) or is trying to be less chummy with you. I doubt it is the second one, from what you have posted here, I think he was being a bit anti social for some reason, but to do with him, not you.

PrettyLittleMitty · 01/01/2015 08:45

Salsa seems to be in denial tbh.

dalmatianmad · 01/01/2015 08:47

Blimey salsa you actually sound like your having some kind of meltdown!
You text him, for whatever reason he didn't reply, get over it.
He's a married man and you sound like a bunny boiler

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