Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to obbsess over an ignored message?

354 replies

SalsaOnCrackers · 01/01/2015 05:45

A superior at work has helped me loads in my job and we get on famously. Few months back we exchanged numbers and we've reached a comfortable stage where we've gone for a couple quick coffees after work when he's in town. He's shared pictures of his lovely kids with me as well, so we've become quite friendly.

Today at work I sent him a message to say happy new year to him and his family and to thank him for all his help this year.

This was in the morning. And there has been no response at all.

This is jarring because he's always quick to reply and if he's busy he will say so and respond in more detail a few hours later.

Without going into detail I know he read the message and I know today wasn't a busy day at work for anybody. So it's apparent he just ignored the message deliberately.

Given the positive note things have been on, I don't understand why he just didn't reply?! I can't think of anything I may have done to offend so I'm completely puzzled here.

I know I shouldn't take this so seriously but I can't stop obsessing over it.

OP posts:
hauntedhenry · 01/01/2015 08:47

You're overthinking this way too much, op! He was busy working until 7pm, couldn't wait to get away because it was nye, probably got loads of messages and either forgot to reply or didn't have time. That's all. Forget it and step away from this thread.

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses · 01/01/2015 08:48

What was the message?
I also remember reading something v similar.....

Have a new year Biscuit OP

:)

Original poster
SalsaOnCrackers · 01/01/2015 08:52

The message was as below-

Happy new year! Have sex with me or I will boil your bunny.

Grin

Disclaimer: This post is sarcastic too.

OP posts:
ArsenicFaceCream · 01/01/2015 08:52

I wouldn't feel like a happy new year message was one I needed to reply to.

Apparently it wsn't just HNY Soloman - there was a question. But OP got very sarcastic when asked what the question was. So I suppose it will remain an enigma. Ho hum.

KatieKaye · 01/01/2015 08:52

You are welcome, Salsa.

You have a job where you can spend time sending personal messages. You have a job that by your own admission permits you to always respond instantly to each and every message that come in, whether or not they actually require a response from you.

Your posts here show you don't understand why other people with more responsibility in your organisation might actually be busy doing their work.

Not sure what the fact you were at work until 7pm has anything to do with the issue. Loads of places have shift patterns, flexi etc.

CaptainJamesTKirk · 01/01/2015 08:53

It literally takes 2 seconds and I have never been so busy that I can't spare 2 seconds just to acknowledge a message by typing out "thanks" or "busy right now, will catch you laters" etc.

It doesn't literally take 2 seconds. It takes 2-5 minutes to reply (not counting the 2 minutes it took to read in the first place) and you know it. And yes I am frequently that busy in my job that I cannot spare that amount of time unless it is work related and important.

Do not expect instant replies, people don't need that pressure, you are not their priority and they cannot drop everything to wish you a happy new year. Send your wishes by all means, but don't get yourself worked up because you don't get a reply as immediately as you expect.

And for what it's worth it's fine for men and women to be friends in work, but it's work, stop trying to make it a beautiful friendship, you will probably find he has many friends and family and they are his priority on NYE and not his colleagues.

ArsenicFaceCream · 01/01/2015 08:53

More of a command than a question, in fairness.

HappySeven · 01/01/2015 08:53

Maybe he was busy at the time he received your email and then forgot to reply later? I've done that loads.

Spanglecrab · 01/01/2015 08:54

Maybe he left his charger at home and has low battery?

haphazardbystarlight · 01/01/2015 08:54

It doesn't sound like there was a question in your message, I think that's it. I don't tend to reply unless someone asks me something.

TheChandler · 01/01/2015 08:54

Is this a wind up? OP - its best not to send personal, rather than group messages, to people at work. There are so many cases of sexual harassment, etc., its best to protect yourself. Surely its a misuse of the work email system too?

He could have not replied for any number of reasons - short working hours on New Year's Day/Eve, or maybe he is ignoring you because he finds you overly familiar and hopes you will take the message to back off as he finds this all a bit inappropriate. Especially after spending Christmas with his family, this might have made him realise this.

I know if my DH had a woman at work sending him lots of personal emails, DH and I would be laughing about her over Christmas as being a bit needy/obsessive/attention seeking.

Not too dissimilar - DH was asked to take photos on his mobile of a female work colleague at his works Christmas night out. No reason why, except looking at her FB page tells you she is a bit of an attention seeker. I'm trying to imagine a world where I would go around asking other people's husbands to take photos of me on their phones or send them messages at New Year and expect instant replies, and failing. Its pathetic.

Spanglecrab · 01/01/2015 08:55
Wink
CaptainJamesTKirk · 01/01/2015 08:55

And by the way... If he'd have messaged 'thanks' - which does take 2 seconds, you'd have been no happier, you want a fawny happy friendly reply and an answer to whatever question you posed.

'Thanks' would not have been enough for you.

andsmileimontherightpath · 01/01/2015 08:57

Good god women you sound like Bernice off Emmerdale

JohnFarleysRuskin · 01/01/2015 08:58

I hate the phrase 'over-thinking'.

However in this case, I'll make an exception. ;)

Op you are massively overthinking this.

haphazardbystarlight · 01/01/2015 08:59

Have to say I do think there's some needlessly daft stuff flying round.

Sexual harassment because of a NY message?

Honestly!

Original poster
SalsaOnCrackers · 01/01/2015 09:00

"You are welcome, Salsa.

You have a job where you can spend time sending personal messages. You have a job that by your own admission permits you to always respond instantly to each and every message that come in, whether or not they actually require a response from you.

Your posts here show you don't understand why other people with more responsibility in your organisation might actually be busy doing their work.

Not sure what the fact you were at work until 7pm has anything to do with the issue. Loads of places have shift patterns, flexi etc."

Yes, my job ONLY involves sending personal messages and eating cake. And I respond to all 3500 emails I get in a day because Im superwoman.

And of course it's fair for you to presume I was on a shift! I was on a 6-7 pm shift. I only work an hour a day because otherwise it's too stressful and high pressured for me.

You are completely, 100% correct.

OP posts:
LightastheBreeze · 01/01/2015 09:01

Few months back we exchanged numbers and we've reached a comfortable stage where we've gone for a couple quick coffees after work when he's in town.

Maybe his wife isn't so comfortable with this.

CinnabarRed · 01/01/2015 09:02

And you are rude.

haphazardbystarlight · 01/01/2015 09:03

Salsa has got one of those Mumsnet jobs where she just pees all day without small children in between having hot drinks and intelligent conversations with colleagues!

haphazardbystarlight · 01/01/2015 09:04

Ironic much cinnarbar!

I don't think the OP is rude but frustrated, as I would be if everyone was insisting I was in love because I sent a NY message!

Yes, it's daft to be obsessing over it but some people have gone WAY over the top. It's enough to tell someone they are BU without telling them they are probably guilty of sexual harassment and are crap at their job as well!

VikingVolva · 01/01/2015 09:05

No one is engaging with the 'sarcastic' posts because you're coming across as excessively intense.

And it's tending to confirm that you are obsessing. And that your colleague is totally right (whether by luck or judgement) to be well out of it.

TotallySociallyInep · 01/01/2015 09:05

Well happy New year to you OP Confused

You sound lovelyHmm

CalleighDoodle · 01/01/2015 09:06

You know you are obsessing (how could you not), you know your message crossed a line because you are being very defensive with your sarcasm rather than simply say what the question was. I imagine it was you trying to arrange another coffee shop meet.

gamerchick · 01/01/2015 09:07

Give your head a wobble man you sound like a sulky teen! So the dude you obviously have the hots for didn't message you back. He'll have read it and meant to reply later but forget.

You need to get a hold of yourself you are not his girlfriend and it would be too much if you were. Go and have a cuppa or something.