AIBU to obbsess over an ignored message?

[SalsaOnCrackers]

A superior at work has helped me loads in my job and we get on famously. Few months back we exchanged numbers and we've reached a comfortable stage where we've gone for a couple quick coffees after work when he's in town. He's shared pictures of his lovely kids with me as well, so we've become quite friendly.

Today at work I sent him a message to say happy new year to him and his family and to thank him for all his help this year.

This was in the morning. And there has been no response at all.

This is jarring because he's always quick to reply and if he's busy he will say so and respond in more detail a few hours later.

Without going into detail I know he read the message and I know today wasn't a busy day at work for anybody. So it's apparent he just ignored the message deliberately.

Given the positive note things have been on, I don't understand why he just didn't reply?! I can't think of anything I may have done to offend so I'm completely puzzled here.

I know I shouldn't take this so seriously but I can't stop obsessing over it.

What was the other thread?

Other thread
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2223821-AIBU-to-feel-so-terrible-over-this-sudden-lack-of-response

The OP had reached a 'comfortable stage' in that as well

My favourite bit of this thread is when after the OP saying maybe half a dozen times that it was not a text someone pipes up with 'maybe he forgot his charger?'

She might have meant laptop charger. But I prefer my version where people just weren't fucking listening

Text/message/email/work messaging sysyem, doesn't really matter I suppose. People are suggesting that he may have read it and intended to reply when he had more time or just forgot, regardless of how the message was received.

OP- did you used to post on Handbag.com? Only I remember a poster there who had very similar dilemmas. If SalsaOnCrackers is the same poster as the (very, very similar) post someone else linked to, she used to do the same there-post about her feelings for a colleague, not like the responses, then name change and start another thread with exactly the same dilemma about exactly the same colleague.

Maybe he was,you know,having a happy new year you oddbod.

Got as far as page 4 and felt the need to post. I have a friend who worries and gets cross if I don't respond to messages straight away; example - I spent a week in hospital with my DS last year and probably had about 7 hours sleep in the entire week. This friend got upset that I hadn't replied to a fb message half way through the week and genuinely couldn't see (even though I was standing in front of him) that I was physically exhausted and worried about my DS, recently he has withdrawn from our friendship because I didn't reply immediately to a FB post he wrote on my wall, there were three others that I didn't reply to either as I was running out of the door to take DH to hospital.
That's fine, his choice, I don't have the time or energy to look after other people who can't reciprocate that concern. OP if he is a friend, cut him some slack, it's awful being on the receiving end of that sort of nonsense.

Thanks lightasthenreeze
My guess? Same poster.

What Mrsstarlord said would be my opinion too!

Most people have far more important things in the background of their lives to think about every message they receive and also I personally find I can't message people very much from work because for one, it doesn't take 'just two minutes' especially if the recipient is this sensitive, you have to think how to word a message so it is well received, and secondly I don't even have two minutes most of the time at work.

This does not reflect on the person I have not replied to promptly and they have never minded, others take a long time to reply too, thankfully, so no pressure on either party.

Gosh I've just read the other thread. Whoever has posted these threads needs professional help So much angst and denial.

I'm thinking same poster too.
Both use the word 'superior' rather than manager, line manager boss etc. I especially noticed this because the use of that word really irritates me. No one is superior, just getting paid more to do a different job!
Sorry, irrelevant to the actual thread. Rant over.

On the basis that both threads are by the same person:

Take a look at what people are saying here.
You are obsessed with this man, for whatever reason.
It may be quite obvious to him and he may be trying to put some distance between you.
Or he might just see you as AN Other member of the workforce, and not think there is anything more than a professional working relationship.

Either way, take a step back. Just concentrate on doing your job to the best of your ability. Oh, and try to use work systems for work purposes only. From your posts it does sound as if you have quite a bit of down-time, enough to message folk and always instantly respond to trivial issues. But your work supplies these systems for work purposes and it excessive misuse can be a disciplinary matter.

The previous thread suggested ongoing difficulties with other work colleagues and I wonder if the OP is fairly isolated at work and has seized on this man as a lifeline?

I think nowadays it's easier to wonder why someone hasn't responded because so many systems tell you when someone has read the message. Facebook messaging - says 'read by' and the time. Texts- delivery receipts, says the phone has received them so it's on and active. Watsapp, blue ticks now denote 'read' messages.

Great for the sender to know it's gone and been seen- unless you are obsessing about it, like the OP.

As mentioned above I know I'm guilty of not responding to texts/watsapps if I'm using my phone for other things at the time. Sometimes I forget after. This guy may have done the same with his emails, especially after a long break he's probably really busy.

YABU

Leave his bunny alone.

Maybe he forgot his charger?

Sorry

If this is the person I think it is (from Handbag...several years ago but used to do it a lot) she became fixated on a colleague who was friendily towards her, which appears to be the same with salsaoncrackers. She seemed to lack social skills and struggled with relationships with others. The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced they're one and the same. Which is sad as she clearly needs psychological interventions but has never had this (or it's been ineffective for whatever reason.)

Did the op post under a different name yesterday at 11.24 saying that she messaged him?

Looks like it

Can't help myself...where redskirt or redglitter

No that isn't the same poster. There is another message from that poster just further up.

I think all this troll hunting might be getting a bit much tbh.

I cbf to read all responses but I've come to the conclusion you do have a thing for your colleague that's why you're so hurt by him not replying to a message that didn't really need a response.

You remind me of Julie off Trollied.

That poster is having a discussion within the thread about messaging with someone else, they have posted a few times, its not the OP

Haha no that was me! I was joking (but did have a laugh to myself when the chap in question came into work today!)

This is getting very confusing

Don't be that woman